


Every Smile You Fake

by Conduitstreetcat, TheGreenFaerie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Cuddling, Falling In Love, Feelings, Homophobic Language, Jealousy, M/M, Nightmares, Possessiveness, Roleplay, Sexting, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, heart-to-heart with a rhododendron, mormor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2020-11-01 06:40:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 75,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20810741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Conduitstreetcat/pseuds/Conduitstreetcat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreenFaerie/pseuds/TheGreenFaerie
Summary: Sebastian Moran is Jim Moriarty's bodyguard with benefits. Money, adventure, travel, sex - what more could an ex-soldier ask for?... no really, what?Starts off porny, then moves into Jealousy and Feels.(Chapter 1 previously published as Psychobabble)A growing playlist can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7JXPhMTQJxOjL6GOnDt7Sr?si=ix9P8m99TkCMQ4T0QPXxuA





	1. Hungry Like the Wolf

Done. Though you could have mentioned the dogs. – SM

Just helping you stay sharp. -JM

You're welcome. – JM

Cheers. I'll remember that when I'm arrested or dead. – SM

I pay good money to not find you arrested or dead. I expect you to remember that. -JM

Were the doggies friendly, at least? - JM

Dogs like steak. - JM

And bones. -JM

And romping in fields. -JM

They were very keen on bones. Tiger bones, specifically. I didn't give them any. – SM

Keep your Tiger bones for ME, darling. -JM

I'm _trying_. It helps if you give me all information. Unless... you didn't _not know_ about the dogs, did you? Did your intel _fail_ you!? – SM

Picture me heaving a sigh and looking cross. That's an order. -JM

Did you do it? -JM

Yes, Sir. – SM

Who's a good boy?- JM

Fuck off. – SM

Don't be like that, Sebbie! Would you like a nice steak? -JM

I know a lot of assassins, you know. – SM

Keep up the snarling. There will be no juicy bones in your future. -JM

If you keep up the dog puns there will be a rabid chihuahua in your future. – SM

Not that I'm not enjoying your sparkling repartee... Oh, wait. I'm not. -JM

Anyway. I got your fucking documents. I'll be flying home tomorrow. – SM

Hallelujah, Praise Jesus. I'll pray for your safe return. -JM

Mine or your documents'? - SM (why do I sign this anyway. Like you don't know it's me.)

Well, the documents aren't replaceable. Should I picture you pouting? -JM

You try to replace me. See who you get to put up with your bullshit for as long as I have.

Touchy! You love my bullshit. Admit it. -JM

I'm fucking tired of your bullshit is what I am. I got bitten. In the arm. My gun arm.

Ohhh. When you get home, there will be a lovely bandage and a kiss waiting for you. -JM

Haven't you been in actual battles before? Now a dog bite is too much? -JM

Yeah I've been in actual battles before, unlike _some_ civilians I could mention. Doesn't mean I enjoy getting wounded.

Jesus. I can feel you pouting from here. -JM

Why don't you have a nice wank? It'll take the edge off. -JM

WANK ONLY. And think of me. -JM

Maybe in my new suit? -JM

I give you permission to picture flattering props. A 1920's machine gun. A stylish cane. -JM

Should I buy a cane? – JM

Mmm - sounds kinky.

Now THAT got your attention. -JM

I'm drawing a bath. I'm covered in dirt and blood and fucking dog drool.

Mmm. I love it when you talk disgusting to me. -JM

Dog drool? God, you're even more depraved than I thought.

Sarcasm is lost on some people... -JM

Isn't it just...

That. Was _not_. -JM

Bath's full. You want to Skype?

Depends. Are you going to be sweet for me? -JM

... maybe. If you can make me forget the pain in my arm.

Picture me rolling my eyes. -JM

And pulling down my trousers. – JM

... now that might help. Video call?

Well, I do have an Empire to run... but by all means, let's see to your filthy needs. -JM

Try running your empire without me and see how that goes...

_Skype ring_

“Why hello there.”

_“Oh! Hello! _

_Look at that, you *are* looking surly. How did I guess?”_

I give you a two-fingered salute.

_“Someone needs finishing school! You're a bit short on social graces, darling...”_

“Make up for it in natural charm... oooh, that's hot...” I sigh as I sink into the bath.

_I eye the bathwater._

_“No, you make up for it in other ways...”_

“I wasn't going to go there... but if you are looking for the opposite of short...”

_“So... about those filthy needs...” I say as I slowly remove my jacket._

“Yes...?”

_I slowly remove my shirt._

_“*You* wanted to Skype; what do you want?”_

“Exactly what I appear to be getting...”

_I roll my eyes, remove my trousers, kick them at the screen._

“Very nice...” I start stroking myself underwater.

_It would be uncouth not to reciprocate. I start stroking myself through pristine white designer pants._

I breathe in sharply. “God, Jim... I've missed you...”

_My eyes widen at that; I stop stroking._

_“Easy, Tiger. You've been gone for *two days*... _

_I pull down my pants, do a slow twirl._

_“I picked out an outfit specially for you. You like?”_

“That's the best outfit _ever_...

Have I only been gone two days? Are you sure? It seems so much longer...”

_“Well... there were two sleeps... _

_Maybe it's been more than two days?”_

_I shrug, take my cock in hand._

_“You were saying..? Something about filthy desires.”_

“Mmm... my filthy desires are right there... stroking themselves...”

_I sit down, throw a leg over the arm-rest, place my hand behind my head._

_“You don’t say... what else do your filthy desires like to do? Requests may be possible...”_

“Oooh, _posing_... my arm is starting to hurt a tiny bit less...

Would my filthy desires deign to stroke themselves? Stroke that magnificent flawless smooth skin?”

_I begin to stroke my chest, running my fingers over my nipples._

_“You mean... just innocently stroking skin?”_

“James Moriarty, you haven’t done anything _innocently_ since you left your mother’s womb.”

_I look furious, stop stroking._

_“How *dare* you accuse me of a non-innocent agenda! I’d like to formally complain to your superior.”_

“My superior is a bit busy at the moment... can I take a message?”

_“Oh? Too busy to speak with an innocent gentleman accused of something *tawdry*?”_

_I lick my fingers, move my hands down my chest._

_“Much_ too busy...

Turn around for me, Jim... let me see that gorgeous arse...”

_“Well... you let me know the moment he has an opening,” I huff._

_I turn, kneeling on the seat, sinuously move against the chair, rubbing against the back._

_Then I turn my head towards you, narrow my eyes._

_“You will tell him, won’t you. I *won’t* stand by while my reputation is sullied by a deviant.”_

I snort, start coughing.

“Oh he’s got an opening... a really amazing opening I can spot right now... but I think it will be impossible to slot you in...”

_I slowly move my hand to my left cheek, grasp it, pull open slightly._

_“So I just have to sit here while you paint me with a perverse brush, and make me out to be indecent, a man of low morals? I *never*! I'd like your name please, Sir - for the official complaint."_

I reach for my packet of cigarettes and lighter.

“I’m so terribly sorry; there is no way I can get hold of him, no matter how much I want to...

He’s very hard... to pin down.”

_I slowly move my hand to my right cheek, grasp it and pull open slightly, push my arse out just a little._

_“Oh, really. I don't see you trying very *hard* at all. I certainly hope you receive some kind of censure for this vulgar behaviour.”_

“Hmmm... well, if you insist...”

I take a draught, blow out smoke through the steam from the bath.

“I may see a way in which someone might be able to slip in…”

_I move a hand to my cock, stroke devastatingly slowly, thrusting my hips forward._

_“I’m listening...”_

“... Nope, sorry. There's just no way he can fit anyone in but me in the coming few years.”

_“*What!* But you said... oh, this is ridiculous. Surely *something* can be done...”_

_I turn back towards the laptop, holding my shaft with one hand and making lazy circles with my fingers on the head of my cock._

_“Are you listening to me?”_

“I am indeed. But I'm afraid it's out of my hands. Believe me, I wish it weren't.”

_“I insist on waiting until my issue is dealt with. I’ll just find some way to occupy myself.”_

_I let my finger slide delicately over the slit in the head of my cock, rubbing pre-cum._

_“And you still haven’t told me your name.”_

I lick my lips, touch myself underwater.

“My name is Sebastian, good Sir. And you are?”

_“Oh, terribly sorry - Alexander Wood. That's *Alexander*, not Alex. _

_Well, Sebastian - if you could see what could be done, I'd be ever so grateful.”_

_I lick my palm lasciviously and begin to stroke myself._

_“I fully intend to see this through to the end and have you punished.”_

“Well, Mr Wood, I would love to say it's a pleasure to meet you, but I'm afraid under the circumstances I just can't quite.

Might I enquire as to what punishment you'd have my Boss inflict upon me to feel justified?”

_I turn in my chair, sit on my knees and spread my thighs._

_“You may *not*. You have behaved abominably, and shall suffer the consequences, I'm afraid.”_

_I arch my back, resume stroking._

_“But this can be turned around, Sebastian - if you give me a helping hand.”_

“Pray tell me how I could make up for my uncouthness?”

_“Well... you could help me pass the time, I suppose,” I sulk_

_“Talk to me... or show me something... but it's got to be classy.”_

"Oh, you won't ever get anyfin but the creme de la creme with me, sir. Top-notch. Dog's bollocks. Real class," I state in a broad Cockney accent.

_I tilt my head and give you my best unimpressed look. Which must appear in rather stark contrast to what the rest of me is doing. _

_"You're not showing me anything... or telling me anything, except some claptrap which is obviously a falsehood!" I sigh, and wave my hand. _

_"So if you're not going to entertain me, then clear off."_

"Oh no no, I do apologize..."

I rise up in the bath, showing you my wet erection, stroking it.

"Is this at all to your liking, Mr Wood?”

_I put my finger to my lips, consider. _

_"Yes, this I approve of. Pray, continue." _

_I begin to stroke myself harder, and my breathing quickens. _

_"The height of elegance. *Very* good."_

"I assure you the specimen you see before you is the result of _centuries_ of breeding," I say in my posh voice. "One simply cannot beat a good pedigree..." I lick my finger elaborately and put it in my mouth, then stroke it up my cock.

_I snort, accidentally breaking character. _

_"Oh! Terribly sorry. Allergies," I say apologetically. "Breeding, you say! And a good pedigree? Well! That's something else *entirely*..." I feel my eyes flash. "Why don't you show me how someone of *good pedigree* strokes his own cock good and hard... *Sebastian*..." _

_I stare hard at you as I stroke myself faster. My mouth opens slightly, and my breathing becomes louder._

I look hungrily at the tablet - hmmm...

I get out of the bath, dry my hand, and carry it into the bedroom.

“Let’s continue our conversation somewhere less slippery... it wouldn’t do for me to fall and break my skull and be found dead with a massive erection - mama and papa would never live down the embarrassment.”

I throw down some towels on the bed and hop on top of them, not moving my eyes off you for a second.

“Right, where were we...”

My cock strains towards the screen, and I start stroking slowly.

“Good and hard, you said? Why don’t you show me how it’s done...”

_I lean my head back against my chair, eyeing you hungrily. _

_"Maybe I'll just move to the bedroom, too... unless you have a thing for me wanking at my desk... *do you*, Sebastian?" I ask breathily. "Do you have a thing for me wanking at my desk... when I'm supposed to be working and you're distracting me with your big, hard cock?"_

“I have a thing for sitting on my knees under your desk, sucking your gorgeous cock... but if I can’t, then seeing you wank at your desk is the next best thing. But seeing you in the bedroom, luxuriously stretched out on the bed, might be even better...

Yes, go to the bedroom, if you would be so kind...”

_"Oh, that's interesting... I have a thing for a hot soldier under my desk, sucking my gorgeous cock... _

_or spread out my desk, being fucked by my gorgeous cock... oh, *Jesus*..." I groan. "Give me a second..."_

_Ruefully, I remove my hand from myself long enough to hop from the chair, snatch up the laptop and walk naked towards the bedroom. _

_"Don't you *dare* stop," I warn. "I'm watching every stroke, and will do my best not to fall down the stairs as I pass... oh... yes, *harder*..." _

_I bump into a wall and don't take my eyes from the screen._

“Fuck... I love being thrown over your desk and fucked _hard_,” I pant, as I keep stroking - harder, at your insistence. “Don’t say things like that if you don’t want me to come before you...”

_"*Do not* come," I growl. "I want to see you lose it when *I* come..." _

_I make a beeline to the bed and throw the laptop down on the mattress. Once again I'm on my knees, stroking myself, this time leaning against the headboard. I know you said 'luxuriously stretched out' but anything that feels like a stage is the epitome of hotness to me... I lick my lips, let out a small moan, and stare you down._

“I won’t... I wouldn’t...”

I’m swallowing like mad, trying to control myself. God you look hot...

“Don’t... god, don’t. You’re so fucking hot... please, stroke yourself -“ I let out a desperate moan. I’m going to be in pieces before this is over, aren’t I...

_I chuckle, and stroke harder. “Like this?” _

_I raise an arm and drape it against the headboard over my head. I throw you a smouldering look and let my lips fall open. _

_I’m performing like an online fuckboy, and I can tell it’s really turning you on and making it that much harder (heh) to not come... ah, I do so love my little games... _

_I start thrusting my hips towards the camera as I stroke myself and moan._

"Oh, _fuck_ \- god - fucking hell, Jim - you're so incredibly fucking hot - I can't - I can't move my hand or I'll come - you're _so_ hot - I wish I was there, god..."

I'm babbling. Not a lot of blood is left to facilitate the running of my brain.

_God_, you're hot. That look. That open mouth. Those thrusts. That moan...

_I give you a feral stare as I thrust faster and stroke harder. My breath is coming hard and quick, I’m feeling a sheen of perspiration. (Fuck, I’m going to have to shower again!) _

_“Do - not - even - think - about - it - ” I warn, and flick my tongue out at you._

I'm not. I'm not! I don't disobey you - never -

Oh fuckkkkk...

I'm shivering with the effort of not touching my cock, not rubbing it, because I'd come all over mini-Jim in the little black box... and we can't do that... not yet...

"Oh god yes Jim - fuck you look _amazing_ -"

_“I know, honey... so do you,” I purr. “That *rock-hard* soldier cock of yours, standing at attention... so longing to be strrrroked...” I pout. “And sucked and plunged into a willing body...”_

_A smile plays on my lips._

_“Do you want to plunge it into my willing body? I’m so hot for you, Tiger...”_

_My eyes close and I pant as I lean against the headboard._

"God, yes - "

If there were _any_ chance of me getting on a plane _right now_ and being in London in an hour or two I'd be out of here like a flash. This is fucking _torture_ \- I'm not sure if it wouldn't be better if I couldn't talk to you at all.

"Jim, the moment I'm back, you better not be wearing anything expensive, because it's going to end up in tatters on the floor..."

_“If - you - rip through - anything expensive - *you* will be in tatters on the floor... and I’ll still expect you to *fuck me*,” I groan. “Should I just be lying indolently in bed for you all day, smoking and drinking martinis... like some tramp for you to mount?” I turn slightly so you can admire my arse, muscles tensing as I thrust. I seize the headboard, moan and press my face against the wood. “Oh, *fuck*...”_

"Fuck - Jim - oh god, Jim, please - fuck, you're so hot -"

I seem to be incapable of anything but stating the obvious over and over. My hand is grasping the bottom of my cock, carefully not moving at all, my heart is racing, my mouth is dry.

My eyes must be at risk of dropping from their sockets; I'm watching you so intensely. I don't think I've ever seen a hotter sight in my life than Jim Moriarty posing and pouting like some tart in a boudoir.

"Please - please come for me - please..."

There's only one man in the world who can reduce me to begging. Apparently he can do it while he's on the other side of the world as well.

_I bite my lip and suck in my breath. I look at the screen with half-closed eyes. _

_"*Mmm*, Sebastian... I can't wait to feel you on top of me tomorrow..." I slide down the headboard, and fall against the pillows. _

_Moaning loudly, I thrust into my hand hard and fast. _

_"Oh...*Tiger*..." I cry out, throwing my head back. "Fucking - want - you -"_

_My gaze whips to the screen. "Come as soon as I'm done..." I whisper._

_Yes_-

Oh god _yes_-

Oh fuck...

I can't see anything but your hand moving on your cock, so skilled and practised, I know _exactly_ how that cock is feeling now - I can imagine the sensation as it hardens just that bit more just before the climax - oh Jim -

"Oh god Jim please - yes - fuck, you're so beautiful, god Jim - "

_"So - hot - Tiger..." I breathe, as I feel the first shivery tremors moving through me. _

_I thrust spectacularly into my hand, my hips like pistons. _

_"Oh *FUCK* me," I groan and fall to the side as I reach the home stretch. "*Tiger*..." _

_Semen spurts out against my hand and stomach, and I lie gasping in a heap. _

_My eyes fly open to watch you. "Come for me, Sebastian..." I whisper._

"YES - oh god yes Jim you're so fucking hot - Jim - _fuck_, you're spectacular - I'm going to fuck you _raw_ when I'm back - Jim - _JIM_-"

My groan sounds inhuman even to my own ears, as I shoot into my hand in spurts, panting, shivering with the incredible tension building up and finally releasing.

I find myself leaning on one arm, the other hand holding my cock, seed spilling from my hand onto the bed, my wet hair sticking to my forehead, trembling.

"Fucking hell, Jim... I hope you didn't have a client in your office?"

_I blink at the screen. "Oh, *now* you're concerned? I *told* you I had work to do... now there's a traumatized client in the corner I have to deal with... "_

_I regard my hand. "I seem to have made a mess... and I'm dreadfully behind now, Tiger... I do *hope* you're happy..." _

_I roll onto my stomach, feeling a glint in my eye. "You better make it up to me tomorrow..." My voice is a dangerous purr._

“I'm very happy, thank you, Mr Wood... it was an unexpected _delight_." I grin, picking the towels off the bed to clean myself, throwing them on the floor.

"I look forward to making your further acquaintance tomorrow."

_I arch an eyebrow. "Of course it was... I'm a delight. And tomorrow your arse can get further acquainted with my cock." I crawl to the laptop. "Time to shower, no thanks to you! Wood *out*." I log off Skype, and pad to the bathroom._

I flop onto the bed. Bloody hell. I want you all the time anyway, but having you perform like that - that is definitely going into the wank bank. I should have pressed record...

I wonder if I could get you to do it when I’m there... tie me up and perform until I’m insensate with lust, and then unleash me...

I feel my cock already stirring again at the thought. Not yet, my friend... tomorrow...

I have a quick shower to rinse off the fresh sweat and wash my hair, then fall into a very satisfied sleep.

_In the shower, I close my eyes and raise my face to the hot water. I sigh, feeling pleasure and relaxation pool through me._

_I think back to the video call. Whatever possessed me to perform for you like that? *I* should be sitting back and watching you... but there's a look you get in your eyes that sometimes I need to see. Adoration and worship, like nothing under the sun is hotter or more beautiful, more magnificent. *Recognizing* this means you get the occasional treat. You'll make it up to me tomorrow... but there was something about you fucking me raw... Another occasional treat. Hmm... Am I doling out too many treats?? _

_I think back over the last few months...we've fucked *so much*, it's all kind of a blur. I suppose there has been *some* loosening of my rigid rules... maybe I need to go back to being a disciplinarian._

_I have a day to consider this - when you return, I'll make sure everything is well in hand or I'll have an unruly Tiger in the house, climbing all over the furniture and licking my face. Ignoring how my stomach seems to flutter in response, I turn off the water. Must be something I ate. I'll drink some ginger ale and get back to work. I towel myself off and push thoughts out of my head of a Tiger in my lap nuzzling my cheek._


	2. I Was Made for Loving You

I wake up early - my flight's at nine, so I have to rush. I throw everything into my suitcase - you _hate_ that habit; you have everything neatly organized - if you tell me to pack your suitcase, no matter how carefully I do it, you will repack half the stuff. I'm more of a 'throw everything in a duffel bag and sort out the survivors later' kind of guy. Except when it comes to my weapons - if it's a life or death type of tool I am _very_ particular about how it's stored and packed. All the rest - whatever.

I can't wait to see you. I woke up well and truly erect. Thought about saving myself for later, but the thought of a seven-hour flight with a stiffy wasn't quite appealing, so I had a wank thinking of your performance last night... fuck.

_In the morning, I have a boring meeting and then do some work at home. The hours are dripping by like treacle. I feel agitated, grumpy, restless... I nearly jump out of my skin when the phone rings and terrify the poor sweet employee who has the misfortune to share disappointing news with me about a job. Jesus, do I have to take care of everything by myself or send my right-hand man halfway around the world constantly?? He’s a royal pain in the arse, but... sometimes it’s a *very* good pain in the arse. I picture you standing up in the bath, water streaming down your body... hand on your beautiful cock, and a lopsided smirk..._

_I look down from my laptop and press my hand against my hardening cock. _

_Jesus... way to go, Moriarty. You have things well in hand, already. _

_I sigh in annoyance and head to the kitchen for some cold water. I already know I’m getting attacked the moment he enters the apartment... better save myself for the incorrigible fucker._

On the plane. I won't be able to sleep - I've had a good night's sleep, so will have to stay awake throughout the entire seven hours of abstinence. The only thing that makes it bearable is knowing that I'm getting closer to you at a speed of 500 miles per hour.

How did I get so _incredibly_ addicted to you? I mean, you're hot, sure, but so are many people. You're just so - fascinating -

A genius, a ruthless killer, playing at the edge of a razor, so _powerful_... and those eyes...

Damn.

I look at my watch. Only five and a half more hours... and bloody London traffic.

Jesus... Did you stop for some sightseeing? ETA? – JM

I'm at Heathrow. About an hour unless you send a helicopter.

Since you took your sweet time, I hope you're bringing me a souvenir from your travels. -JM

Yup. One dog bite on my arm.

That's all for you. What about me? -JM

Got some light reading.

Is that your way of telling me you didn't buy me a present? -JM

Do you want me home or do you want me to stop off at Harrod's?

How is it a souvenir if it's from Harrod's?? -JM

I was in a rush. I got your fucking documents.

Thank you for the fucking documents. That's your job. -JM

Indeed. My job is not to buy you souvenirs.

No. That's just a perk. -JM

I didn't. It was all a bit quick and I didn't know you were so keen on a souvenir of a trip you didn't go on.

Maybe I just wanted something pretty. Do you ever think about that? -JM

You're getting something pretty. The dog only chewed it a little, it's as good as new.

Oh, that's clever... Clever AND pretty, Tiger... -JM

It's why you keep me around... Getting on the tube now

Good. Tired of waiting for your pretty arse - get it over here. – JM

Ooooh, you think my arse is pretty? giggle

OMFG, it's adorable!! Everything about you is perfection and not all incredibly annoying!! -JM

Same, Boss...

Are you almost here? I want to tell you in person how charming and funny you are. -JM

Tube takes 41 minutes. You know this.

Just wishing you could bend the laws of physics, babydoll...-JM

I can't, it just feels like I do...

Well, as fascinating as this is, I don't want to be bantering by text for the next thirty minutes. I'm going to do some work. Let me know when you're almost here. -JM

ETA ten minutes. Get that gorgeous arse out for me.

Oh yes... wasn't there something about lying around for you like a rentboy waiting to be mounted? That's what I've been doing all day. -JM

I'm running from the tube station

Oh dear... I seem to have run out of vodka and filtered cigarettes... I may just have to go to the store... -JM

Wouldn't it be fun if public indecency is what you finally get arrested for...

Make it private indecency this time... -JM

"Honey, I'm home!"

_"I'm upstairs, sweetie-pie! Are you hungry? Shall I prepare you a five-course meal?"_

"Ravenous."

I rush upstairs.

_I've left a trail of clothing from the office to the bedroom. The things I do for my non-romantic entanglement... _

_I'm lying on my stomach in bed, naked and working on my laptop. _

_"How about a drink? Slippers? A pipe?" I call over my shoulder._

_Fuck_ \- I never had expected you to actually do this.

I pounce on top of you, bite your neck.

_"Darling! Don't leave any marks - I'm having afternoon tea with very distinguished gentlemen tomorrow, and don't want to appear a wanton strumpet..."_

"You're having a very distinguished gentleman right on top of you at the moment..." I growl, moving my mouth down. "What's your pleasure, Mr Wood?"

_I smile slyly. "Oh, Sebastian! You found out where I live and... invited yourself over. Does this mean you have any news about your superior and his availability?"_

"Yes... I'm afraid I still see no way he could slot you in... but I might be able to."

_"And that wouldn't be a conflict of interest? After all, it's *you* I'll be registering a complaint about. Can I trust that you'll deliver my complaint to your superior verbatim?"_

"If he has any opportunity to slot me in, I'm sure I will..."

_"I'll be slotted by you, you'll be slotted by him. The only one not getting slotted is him. Did I get that right?"_

"Hmmm, that would be bad form. I'll see if I can slot him in, as well."

_I try not to laugh. "Right. Big of you."_

"Hmmm... so which appointment would you prefer to occur first?" I enquire as I'm stripping off my clothes.

_"Mmm... it's just *so hard* to keep all this slotting straight. In your professional opinion, what would be best?"_

"Oh, don't worry, none of the slotting is straight..." I growl, making you groan. "In my _professional_ opinion, it's always best to go with what the Boss wants."

_"Just *fuck me* then," I snarl, turning around._

I gasp at that, and Little Seb is jumping to attention. I grab the lube from the bedside table and rub it in, biting your back. Fuck, I've been _dying_ to do this...

I lube up my cock, move to your entrance - god, yes - push, carefully –

_I close my eyes and inhale as I feel your cock nudging me... here we go... _

_I didn't even know I was going to tell you to do this until I heard myself say it. But it's been like an itch I've wanted scratched lately, in the background of my mind... and you seem *very* eager to oblige me..._

Your arse is heaven on earth, _so_ hot, _so_ tight - I carefully, carefully move; it's always a balance between not being too trepidatious and not being too rough - you get very antsy if I am either - but fuck, it feels good...

_I let out a long exhalation as I feel you move into me, slowly filling me._

_My mouth drops open, and I make a low sound in my throat. _

_I would never let *anyone* but you do this... I don't know why I need it, it makes me feel so tense until you find the right rhythm, but when you *do*... *fuck*, it feels good..._

"This was worth waiting for... fuck... you feel _amazing_, Boss..."

_"*Motherfucking Christ*..." I groan._

_"I hear there's been a complaint about you by an innocent gentleman. You besmirched his reputation, implied that he was a tramp and all hot for it? Is this true?"_

"I couldn't say, Boss - it's all a bit of a blur. But he was definitely all hot for it," I moan, pushing myself deeper, pulling out, wondering how anything could ever feel this good.

_"How dare you," I breathe. "An upstanding gentleman like that! You might as well imply *I'm* all hot for it... would you say such a thing, Sebastian? Call *me* a tramp and fuck me like one?" My lips curl into a smile as I hear a groan behind me. You’re going to be begging to come again, and we'll just see what I decide..._

"Oh, this gentleman was definitely all upstanding... And yes - you are a tramp, desperate to be fucked by me... lying on the bed waiting for me to get home, your cock all hard, gagging to get your arse filled by a hot soldier... didn't you?"

_I swallow a laugh. *Wow*, Sebastian... you must be feeling confident to speak like this to me... _

_I *could* put the fear of god into you by snapping at you, even though I planted the idea in your head... it *would* be funny. But let's keep this game going a while longer... I have been enjoying this dangerous dirty talk lately... _

_"Mmm... a hot soldier fucking my arse is all I could think of all day... if that makes me a tramp, so be it... is that what you'd like, Sebastian?" I purr. "For me to be your shameless tramp, you big strong Tiger?"_

What the fuck am I thinking, speaking to you like that? You're going to _kill_ me-

\- unless you're not, and you love it... One just never knows with you. So changeable...

"Yes... That hot little arse just lying there waiting for me, you sending desperate texts because you just couldn't wait any more... cock leaking at the thought of finally having a strong man use you in the way you were made for..." I growl.

_I enjoyed that little pause, that moment of hesitation... _

_Taking the risk, are you? So willing to gamble everything for a down and dirty encounter? _

_*Of course* you are... _

_This time I laugh out loud. _

_ "Really going for it, aren't you?" I say, my purr bordering on becoming a growl. _

_I moan suddenly and loudly and arch my back. "Oh - fuck - yes - *use* me the way I was made for... I want your hard cock to plunge into my hot little arse... *fuck* me, Tiger..."_

_I'm grinning wildly as I thrust my arse back against you._

I'm still alive, and miraculously, getting a very hot arse pushed onto me. I groan - don't say such things to me if you don't want to be fucked like there's no tomorrow...

I grab your hips with my hands and thrust inside hard, pull out, push in again.

"You got such a magnificent arse... hot, tight, perfect for me... all _mine_..." I growl.

_"Mmm... it's yours, my hot - strong - soldier..." I moan. "I want you to feel you come... will you come in my arse with your big, powerful cock? Ohh god, I want you to... do it for your little tramp, *please*..."_

_I'm laying it on thick as hell, but given how you speed up and start grunting, you don't seem to mind..._

Fuck - oh fuck fuck fuck _yes_...

My cock jumps at this, I claw into your hips, push and pull, push and pull, thrust, thrust... oh god - oh GOD - _Jim_ \- fuck - you're - _fuckkkk_...

My head snaps backwards, my eyes screw shut, my back arches as delight pulses up from my balls to the tip of my cock, and into you - again - and again - oh fuckkkk...

_Your orgasm is spectacular - of course. It's *me* you're fucking, the dirty talk is flying, and how often do you get to come first?_

_I turn my head, pouting. You're gasping for breath, eyes closed and still inside me. _

_"What about me?" I ask in a sulky tone. "Don't *I* get to come, Sebastian?"_

Someone speaks - I must get back to my home planet -

It's _Jim_ speaking. I must hurry.

What? You - yes, you must come - oh. Yes. I don't usually come before you - I better not fuck this up.

I unclench my hand from your hip and reach for your cock, proudly erect.

What were we doing, again? Oh yes...

"Does my little tramp love a soldier cock in his arse? Does it make him all hard, and dying to come?" I pant, as I start rubbing your cock.

_"What do you think..." I say breathily. "Can't you feel me all hard and quivering for you, my dangerous soldier? Now that you've had my arse, all I want is to come... so hard in your hand... so you can keep telling me I'm your dirty little tramp... *Oh* you make me *so hot*... make me come, you sexy commando..." _

_I bite my lip to keep from laughing, and turn it into a sexy pout._

Oh this is a laugh for you, is it? Shame, I found it kind of hot. Well, so do you, in a way, by the feel of you...

"You can have my hard soldier cock in your arse whenever you want, baby... if you don't send me away on faraway adventures, that is, forcing me to wank on video chat..."

_There's a flash of disappointment in your eyes. Ohh... what? I was laying it on extra thick, that's all..._

_(And since when do I care about your disappointment??)_

_I feel a stinging sensation in my chest, like - like an alarm that something needs to be *fixed*... _

_How *the fuck* am I supposed to fix this?? _

_Hmm... there's something else I know you like... that we hardly *ever* do..._

_My eyes lock on yours. "I *do* want it," I growl. "Now *kiss* me."_

What? You're getting out of your tramp boy persona - into your own character - but then you tell me to kiss you?

No time to contemplate - that's an order. I move over so I can kiss you, unsure how to do so - probably safest to go with a big soldier kissing a rent boy, hard, rough; while moving my hand on your cock.

_I purr deep in my throat. I'm moaning against your lips, and you break off from the kiss. _

_"That's it, my big, scary soldier... make your little tramp come so hard..." I moan, and thrust my hips against your hand._

Yes... I will...

I don't know what's happening, you're not usually like this - but if this persona lets me fuck him and kiss him, I'm all for making this the best experience ever so he gets to come out to play again. I move my hand faster, holding you a bit tighter, feeling you get harder under my strokes.

_I feel your lips against mine, and I allow it - and then I *sink into it*... My persona is doing that thing where I momentarily forget it’s a persona... *get a grip*, Jimmy. _

_Oh god, your *grip*... you’re stroking my cock *so hard*, as you kiss me... _

_fuck - *yes* -_

You're really getting into it... and so am I. I've had my orgasm, but kissing you like this... it's not something that ever happens. And I'm loving it... I softly groan against you as I continue stroking hard and fast.

_Your lips are so sweet... _

_(Oh, for - you better drop this persona after you come, Jimmy... and *fast*.) _

_I break away enough to moan against your lips... _

_"Oh god... oh *god*..."_

I look at you - a you I've never seen before. I know you're putting on a persona - but you really seem into it, and how much of a persona can you keep up when you're on the verge of climaxing? Well - this is you we're talking about, so maybe quite a bit... but still. Any persona is a side of you, deep down... and this side of you is loving kissing me and being stroked by me. I could fall in love with this persona...

_Each stroke, you're squeezing my cock, I'm thrusting against you hard, groaning so loudly... _

_My big, beautiful soldier is so hot, he's going to make me come so hard..._

_Oh *fuck*... I think I stopped faking it a while back..._

_Oh, jesus... _

_I feel myself suddenly explode with pleasure *hard*, and I'm shuddering against your hand, groaning... gasping... _

_I feel your lips press against mine briefly, but passionately. _

_I look up at you with half-closed eyes. _

_"Oh. Well, that was..." I hum with pleasure. "Yes. We could do that one again..."_

Yes - I got my prize. Groans, gasps, grasps - I steal another kiss, before you’re too coherent.

Oh, you liked that, did you? Well I’m up for it any time, my gorgeous tramp...

“Yes... that was rather pleasant...” I smile. “Did that resolve your issue, Mr Wood?”

_"Hardly!" I yawn, and cross one leg over the other. "There's still the matter of you implying something *tawdry* about me. Now that I've given you my complaint, you will pass this on to your superior - and then continue to make every effort to slot me in. I will not rest until this is resolved, Sebastian. You've insulted the wrong gentleman!"_

"I'm sure I can slot you in some time tomorrow," I grin. "For now, it's a bit late - shower?"

_"Yes, since you've made a mess of me!" I hop up and head to the bathroom._

"I'm _so_ sorry. Add it to the list of complaints," I grin, following you. I'll withstand the boiling water that you subject yourself to for the opportunity to make this pleasant closeness last.

_"Already done!" I call back, as I turn on the shower and crank the water to searingly hot. _

_"It's quite a list... and you know what that means! There are so many whippings in your future, Tiger... so make sure we're well stocked in soothing creams and gels for your precious skin..." _

_I step into the spray, sighing with pleasure as water cascades over my hair and face._

"My precious skin is already scalded off by this shower," I protest, and try to nudge the temperature just a little towards reasonable without you noticing.

_My eyes flick over to your hand. "You can have your own shower if you want, you know... It's hardly in your job description that you must shower with your employer daily..."_

"After soiling my employer, the least I can do is clean him up..." I grin as I grab your body wash and put some on my hands, start moving them across your skin. I love the smoothness of it.

_I relax under your hands. "I suppose there's a lot that's not in your job description... if there any complaints, you can go to HR..."_

"No complaints at all, Boss. I see it more as a perk than a chore. Though maybe I should get hazard pay for the burns that are likely to result."

_"Oh, you don't see it as a chore? You flatterer," I give you a bashful smile that's sarcastic as hell. "You can have all the hazard pay you want if I don't have to hear a running inventory every day - Oh, bullet wound! Oh, dog bite...!" My eyes swing towards your arm, and I grasp your forearm to look closer. "Actually, that looks really red... did you treat it?? The dog didn't look rabid, did it?"_

"It didn't, no, and my tetanus shots are up to date... I cleaned it with wound cleaner, but I might need antibiotics. I'll take some after the shower. And my _entire body_ is looking very red, as is yours, because we're showering under a bloody Quooker."

_I sigh heavily, and turn the temperature down slightly. "If I get pneumonia and die, I will haunt you. And I won't be a sweet ghost, I can promise you..."_

_I eye the dog bite, unhappily. "Did you kill the dog?"_

"Yeah, and its friend. Also a dog. He didn't bite me though. Wanted to, but I was quicker. But that's when this one got a bite in. They were both black; I didn't expect them - was looking out for human guards. Stupid."

_I nod, satisfied. "Good. Anyone who hurts you needs to be made dead; dogs included. So I don't need to take a hit out on the slobbering thing?" I turn off the shower, and wipe water from my eyes. "But if you ever run into any guard cats, they're the exception to the rule. I don't care if they bite or scratch...no killing kitties, no matter how evil. Say it, Sebastian."_

"Fuck off Boss. If anyone has a guard lion that attacks me, it's dead. Felis catus, fair enough, I'll just shove it away. But I doubt it's possible to train a cat as a guard animal, or you'd have a house full of them."

_I step out of the bathtub, and wait for you to hand me a towel. "I remember a time when you spoke respectfully," I sigh. "Now it's all 'fuck off, Boss' and 'I'm tired of your bullshit, Boss'... is the employment honeymoon over, Tiger?" I bat my eyelashes at you and towel myself off._

"I'm frightfully sorry, Sir," I reply in my best Jeeves accent. "If Sir feels that one has got too familiar, it shall be rectified forthwith. It won't do to converse in any but the most deferential terms with a gentleman of Sir's standing, naturally."

_I roll my eyes. "I still just hear 'Fuck off, Boss'. Masterfully done, Sebastian..." Fitting a towel around my waist, I head back into the master bedroom._

"Well if you can hear it in that, you must have heard it when I first joined, as well... or have you just got more attuned?" I grin as I follow you. "Drink before bed?"

_"I chose to ignore it..." I call back. "Or I would have had to kill the best bloody assassin there was. It would have been a crying shame, so I put my feelings aside - took the high road, as it were. And you never once acknowledged that, Sebastian! Yes, I will have a drink... rum and coke."_

"I'm acknowledging it now - I'm in awe, Sir. Your moral standards are, as ever, impeccable and selfless." I duck out the door as a decorative cushion is thrown at me.

I love it when you're in a bantering mood like this. I like mouthing off, but you've come damn close to, if not killing me, then at least cutting something significant off.


	3. Take It like a Man

_I grin when you're out of the room. I go to my dresser, pull out the pyjama bottoms I've been wearing in your absence. I hold them up and consider them. You always sleep naked, and often we wake up spooning. There's something so delightful about feeling your naked body pressed against mine, although I certainly wouldn't tell you that. I slide the pyjamas back in the drawer, hang the towel on a hook to dry and crawl into bed naked with my laptop._

I fix a rum and coke, whistling, get myself a whisky and a beer, pad back upstairs, where you're on your laptop again, tucked in bed. I hand you your drink with a flourish. "Your refreshment, Sir..."

_I snatch the glass from you. “Thank you, Jeeves. Your deference is astounding... simply astounding...”_

_I sip my drink and sigh with pleasure._

_“But your drinks are always perfect, I’ll give you that...”_

“Only the best for you, Sir. That’s why you employ me,” I grin as I slide into bed beside you.

_"Oh, is that why..." I mutter, typing out some instructions. "I thought it was for your -" I trail off and look up at you staring at me._

_I smile pleasantly. "Untarnished virtue. And exemplary rectitude..." I hit send, and continue to fiddle with my laptop._

“Rectitude... is that what the kids call it these days...”

_I sip my drink. "Yes, word is on the street that your rectitude is sublime." _

_A wave of irritation passes through me and glance back at you, eyes flashing. "Or... it *used to* be the word. Nobody better be talking about it *now*."_

"I'd like to think my rectitude is legendary enough that it's still being talked about. But, like any good legend, no one has witnessed it for a good while now - except for the Chosen One," I grin.

_I roll my eyes. My jealousy is still stalking about, and I throw back the rest of my drink onto it to stifle its hissing. _

_"Oh, your legendary rectitude..." I say in a huffy tone. "Be thankful the Chosen One chooses not to think about that for too long or too hard..." _

_I smother a smile and glare at you. I feel a spark pass through us, and I try not to shiver._

"I'm disappointed. I was under the impression the Chosen One thought about my rectitude quite long and rather hard..."

_"*I meant* the legendary part... *Jesus*..." I glare at you again, and push my laptop aside. _

_"You want long and hard?" I grab your beer and thump it onto the nightstand before pushing you down against the pillows._

Ooooh - _someone_'s been missing me...

I give you my most lascivious grin. "I'd love some..."

_“Of course you would...” I push your legs up and against your chest. “Spread for me, Sebastian...” I order, and lean over you to open the drawer of the bedside table for lube._

Ah... it appears that my tarty rent boy has disappeared to make way for Moriarty again...

No problem... I love being taken by James Moriarty. Often and hard.

I spread my legs, make myself available for you.

_I rub lubricant on myself and around your entrance, then throw the tube against the wall. _

_Why am I angry? *Whatever*. I don't need an excuse._

_I rub the head of my cock around your opening, feel the muscles give and push in firmly - pause - push in deeper - move my cock in you until I feel your muscles adjust, then drive into you the rest of the way with a loud groan._

_I pause here and look down at you, feeling a glint in my eyes. _

_"The Chosen One claims your rectitude," I say in a lofty voice. I pull back and drive deep into you, relishing your gasp._

The tube goes flying - I look at your eyes - danger? Not quite yet - but they're dark and stormy. I lie still, do my best to accommodate you as you push in. Not violently - good; just - not taking your time either. I breathe through it, try to relax my muscles, let you in - and then you push and the stretch feels - not pleasant, but bearable, just - keep breathing, soldier.

Your eyes, gleaming like polished obsidian, look into mine, and you lay claim to me - really? This is about your jealousy of people who came (pun not intended) before you? Jesus, Jim...

Go ahead, claim me, I'm yours... like there's _any_ doubt about that...

And you do, you take possession of your territory in a deep thrust that makes me gasp - oh fuck but that feels good...

"It's yours... always..." I whisper.

_I stare down at you, pleased with your surrender, and wanting more. _

_"All of you," I purr, and bury myself in you over and over. "*All* of you, Sebastian..."_

You're kind of cute when you're possessive, you know that? As well as intimidating, awe-inspiring, formidable...

Looking into the black abyss of your stare, there is nothing I could possibly say but "Of course - yours, Jim, you know that... all of me - mind, body, and soul, if I have one..."

_My green-eyed monster is mollified by this (momentarily) and slithers off. I find myself sighing with relief and in the strange position of my lips pressing to yours for the second time this day... only this time we’re not playing characters. Erm... Jim? WTF..._

You’re sighing and kissing - wow, you’re really in a good mood tonight. Maybe I should go away more often.

I carefully stroke your hair, seeing if that’s allowed today.

_My first thought is to nuzzle against you like a cat, but luckily I squash it with vehemence just in time._

_My second thought: What. The Fuck. This is why we don’t encourage the help, Jim... this is bordering on *boyfriend* territory, for fuck’s sake!_

_My third thought: there is no thought because I’m kissing you again, and you’re kissing me back._

_Right. No encouraging the unruly Tiger._

_I slide out. “Turn over,” I order._

You're kissing me again... it's so easy to lose myself in this, to melt into your kiss, to release myself in the joy of being fucked...

But I know better than to let down my guard. Sex with you is spectacular, but it requires constant alertness - a signal missed, a boundary crossed, and you'll be furious, or cold and distant. And one never knows what the signal or the boundary is going to be.

Your mouth moves off me, and your cock out of me - oh damn I didn't do anything wrong, did I? - no - merely a change of position. Obediently, I turn around, position myself on my knees, lean on my elbows.

_I move back into you quickly, and thrust hard. _

_I let out a loud moan. Oh, Jesus... that really is good. *Really fucking good*... _

_One hand firmly grips your left hip, and I slide an arm around your chest. My eyes close and my lips part as I feel your hard muscles. My god, you’re hot... _

_And *nobody else* gets to have this, I think to myself, thrusting intensely into you. Nobody but *me*..._

You're back inside me, _deep_, oh fuck that's good - I feel full of you, a pleasant fullness, like you're taking me over, taking me... Your moan sends a tingle through my spine, it's so hot to hear you enjoy yourself - and makes me feel fulfilled, part of my life's purpose accomplished, bringing you pleasure.

Yes, I know I'm probably mental, but fuck, I'll give anything to be with you, to have you accept me in your bed, your body, your life. Anything...

_I'm getting so turned on fucking you, my sexy, powerful Tiger... I'm pulling you back as I thrust deeply, fully possessing you. _

_I bite the back of your neck, holding you in place. _

_*Yesss*..._

_*MINE*._

Damn - I thought I was the cat here. You're biting my neck possessively, and it's making me groan, the sensation of the bite with the feeling of your cock in my arse, pushing deep inside me, holding me between your mouth and your crotch.

_I think with pleasure at the marks my teeth will leave in your neck for all to see. I dig deeper, taste blood - you gasp and *fuck* if that doesn't nearly set my head on fire. I release your neck and slowly lick up in the most sensual, territorial manner._

_"Mine," I growl, my nails digging into your skin. And I begin to slam into your body, feral noises rumbling deep in my throat._

Fuck, yes, fuck Jim, of course, yours, always, yes... Oh god keep going, eat me up, take me, devour me... _fuck_ this is good...

"Yours, Jim... always... yours..."

_My hand moves slowly to your cock and begins to stroke. _

_"Come when I do..." I command. "I want to feel it..."_

_My breathing starts to come harder and faster, and my hand tightens and squeezes around your cock._

There's a burning spot in my neck, and eight smaller ones where your nails are digging in. Your cock is pounding into me again and again, making me nearly insensate with lust - and then your hand is on mine, making me _groan_...

I have to concentrate, make sure I don't come before you do - that would never do... but god you're so fucking _hot_...

_"Mmm, I want to feel you shaking all around me," I growl. "Your arse squeezing my cock... so hot, Sebastian... "_

_I stroke faster and moan loudly. My muscles begin to quiver._

Oh god Jim - please come quickly, because between your moans and your strokes I won't be able to hold myself in much longer...

I pant, my arms trembling.

_"Come now," I gasp, throwing my head back. My back arches and I start convulsing hard against you. _

_"Fu-u-ck," I groan loudly. "Tiger!!"_

My orgasm could never withstand the dual siren song of your command and the feeling of you thrusting against me, inside me - a fraction of a second after your words reach my ears I feel myself tense and an intense pleasure as I pour out over your hand, onto the bed - oh god Jim... I let out a sound between a groan and a roar.

_I feel you shaking against me, your cock explode with pleasure in my hand. I smile, pleased. *No one* can do to you what I do... *nor will they*, as long as I have anything to say about it. My brow furrows as I pull out. I *will* always have the final word about this, I’m sure... no, *certain*! It’s a *given* that I will have you as long as I want... _

_But there’s a strange sensation of doubt working its way through me, and I *don’t like it*..._

My arms are trembling as you pull out of me, and I collapse onto the bed, ignoring the little patch of wetness - I'll clean that up in a moment, for now I'm catching my breath.

Wow.

_I collapse next to you, still breathing hard. "How's your rectitude now?" I ask loftily._

"Much better..." I mumble, turn towards you. "Slightly less rect..." I say, looking down.

_“Mmm... glad I could be of assistance. Don’t you normally light up right around now?” I don’t know why I’m so agitated... for once, I’m dying for a smoke._

Sure. You seem tense - good idea to get you a fag to take the edge off. I sit up, grab some tissues from the bedside table, clean up the sheet and myself, then grab my trousers from the ground and get my cigarettes and lighter out. I light one, take a draught, hand it to you.

_I take the cig between my lips and inhale deeply. I'm sure I look hotter than hell, all naked, post-coital and pulling on a cigarette; but *no one* makes smoking look as sexy as you. It's hot as *fuck*, and I find myself staring at you as you light one for yourself. Jesus - do you practice in a mirror??_

It doesn't look like I'm getting this one back, so I light myself another one - it's best to let you have all the smoke you want when you're on edge like this.

You're looking at me, assessingly, so I look back. Fuck, you look beautiful - your eyes black in the dim light, your hair tousled but your face stony, your cheeks being sucked in as you pull on the cigarette making your cheekbones stand out.

_"Got a meeting tomorrow evening..." I say, and blow smoke at the ceiling. "Potential business associate... he thinks I'm a middleman for Moriarty - Alexander Wood, you've met him," I smile up at the ceiling. "Anyway, he's got his finger in a lot of pies - politics, business, land development - and could be a great resource. You'll come with me." I take another pull from the cigarette. "Disgusting habit, Sebastian..."_

I’m tempted to say something like ‘yes, you are, but so hard to give up’, but I haven’t survived this long by not listening to my intuition, and my intuition tells me that you are not in the mood for playfulness and may retaliate in an emotionally or physically painful way.

So I just shrug, and ask “If you’re Mr Wood, who am I? The nameless bodyguard, or a named character?”

_I reach out and pat your cheek. "Tiger's choice."_

Oh - you’re in a better mood than I thought. Good.

“Is this bloke likely to be physically or mentally dangerous?”

_"Highly unlikely. I think he has a crush on Alexander, poor lamb." I exhale smoke at you. "But it doesn't hurt to be careful, does it..."_

“If he was dangerous, I’d be an innocent business associate who’s not threatening at all. If he’s not, I’ll be the mindless bodyguard who doesn’t hear a word of what’s being said.”

_"Make it mindless bodyguard, then. You can pull that off, I'm sure..." I push your thigh with my foot, grinning._

“Oi. Careful, Mr Wood, or your mindless bodyguard might just forget who his boss is.”

_"Mr Wood is used to that," I comment and take another drag off the cigarette. "He's been trying to reach your boss to complain about your ungentlemanly conduct, after all..."_

“Ah, but I’ve made it up to him, have I not? I’ve been excessively gentlemanly with him. He was quite vocal in his appreciation.”

_"Well, how he feels in the throes of passion and how he feels in the cold light of day might be very different. Be prepared for anything, and don't trust that tramp." I glance at you out of the corner of my eye and smile slyly._

I gasp in horror. “How dare you use such language with regards to Mr Wood! He’s a fine upstanding member of society. I’ve personally witnessed his impeccable uprightness.”

_“Now you’re *defending* him... Yet he still insists you’re a cad! Dear me, I don’t know what to think... I suspect there’s more to this Wood fellow than a mere surface reading will reveal... keep an eye on him for me, Tiger?” I stub out the cigarette. “I’m for dreamland...”_

“Good idea...” I’m not tired, but I’m pleasantly relaxed, so I may actually be able to get to sleep and avoid jet lag.

I stub out my own cigarette, finish my beer, and switch off the bedside light.


	4. Irresistible

_I’m trying to breathe... thrashing... I’m being held down, *fuckfuckfuck* I can’t *breathe*... Tiger... “*Tiger!!*”_

My name - your voice - _DANGER_ -

I’m awake, my gun is in my hands and the light on. No one in the room. You’re staring at me wide-eyed - ah. Nightmare.

I lower my gun, put it back under the pillow. I carefully reach out, not touching you - you may panic more if I do, and I might end up with a nosebleed. I hold out my hand for you to take or not, like you’re a scared dog.

“It’s OK Jim,” I say softly, reassuringly. "It’s OK. I’m here. Your Tiger is here. No one else.”

_Tiger?? I suck in a breath, panicked. I hesitate, reach out a trembling hand, and grasp yours. Your hand is strong, reassuring, your skin so warm. I start to shiver, and my breathing starts up again, ragged and shaky. _

_“Tiger...” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut._

Your hand reaches out to mine - good. You're here, not caught in some nightmare hellscape. I reach out my other hand, start stroking your arm. You're shivering; you may be cold, but I can't just put my arms around you, you may feel restrained and panic.

Many injuries have been sustained learning these things - and not just by me. I don't take well to having someone next to me when I have a bad dream either - you've had black eyes and bruises in your neck as well...

I move closer carefully, saying what I'm doing. "I'm just moving closer to warm you up, is that OK? Can I put my arm around you?"

_I'm so cold, Tiger... _

_Eyes still closed, I pull you towards me. My arms circle your muscular body, and I give a shaky sigh. _

_"No," I whisper, and press my face into your chest. But then I whimper and pull at your arms to go around me, and shiver against you._

You say no but pull my arms around you - dangerous territory. But you're shivering. I rub my hands over your arms, trying to get you warm, then I fold my arms around you, making sure my upper arms cover yours to keep them warm. I rub your back, bend down to breathe into the back of your neck.

_"Yes," I amend, mumbling faintly into your chest. "It was the shadow from the west - choking me - again..." I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut so tightly and rocking against you._

I don't know what that means, but it doesn't matter - you're upset. It's my job to calm you down and soothe you. I wrap my arms around you, fully holding you - it seems that's OK.

"You're alright, Jim... You're here, in your apartment in London, on your bed. No one else is here, only you and me, your Tiger. You are safe, Jim." Soothing, concrete statements. Let you see the reality around you, non-threatening.

_I make a small noise in my throat, and let myself be held. _

_I’m safe, I’m safe... my Tiger won’t let anything hurt me... _

_He won’t let the shadow get me... as long as he’s here... I’m safe. _

_My breathing slowly returns to normal..._

_“Fuck,” I breathe. _

_I extricate myself from you to lie back down. Then I pull you down next to me. _

_“Don’t let it get me”, I whisper._

“I won’t, Jim. I’m between you and the door. Nothing can get to you. Nothing can even see you. I’m right here, all around you.

Can I get you anything? Some water? Some rum? Or a cigarette?”

Your breathing is calmer but you’re still taut as a bowstring. It might be better to get you to calm down before you go back to sleep or the nightmare might come back...

_“Just Tiger,” I murmur. My hands are curled around your back, not letting go. My eyelids flutter shut, and I hear my breathing shift as I drift back to sleep._

You fall back to sleep quite quickly and easily - I'm wide awake now. It's fine - I won't move, just keep an eye on you, making sure you don't get another nightmare. I enjoy lying here with you, holding you - you don't often want to be held, so this is a rare treat. I vaguely can see your face in the dark, looking frowning and tense, but less bad than earlier. You're holding on to me quite tightly still. Your black hair smells of you.

Your breaths get deeper and deeper, your hold less tense, and your face relaxes, as your sleep deepens.

_I slowly feel myself drifting back to consciousness. There is light coming in from underneath the drapes, and I turn my head from the window. I find myself with my face buried in your chest which feels comforting in my barely awake state. I have flashes in my mind of recent dreams... a terrifying shadow choking me... and then a Tiger stalking it and ripping it to shreds. I sigh and burrow against you._

Finally I drift off to sleep, but the sky is already getting light...

It feels about five minutes later that I wake up because someone is stirring against my chest - oh wait, yes, you fell asleep in my arms after a nightmare. You appear to have awoken slightly, but are only burrowing closer.

We're not often so close. I think I enjoy it.

_Slowly I’m becoming aware that I’m pressed against you. Huh??_

_I extricate myself from your arms. Rubbing my eyes, I sit up. “Coffee?” I yawn. I could freak out, but... for some reason, I’m not in the mood today._

Ugh... I feel like I've slept two hours and it's the middle of the night. But I guess getting up now is best, so as to get over the jet lag as soon as possible... But then I'll need a lot of coffee.

I don't want to...

I grab you, pull you back into bed. "It's too early..."

_What are you *doing*? I’m more confused than angry, though I’m not clear why. Shouldn’t I be annoyed, at least...? My bodyguard is acting like a *boyfriend*... or a cutesy newlywed!_

_But there’s something about that Tiger in the dream... protecting me... smiting the shadow... I push your chest gently. “It’s *nine o’clock* and I have work to do. Stay in bed if you want. I’ll make coffee myself...” I heave a sigh, and for the second time that morning pull myself from your resisting arms. “Did you come down with separation anxiety in the night, Tiger?” I ask, but my tone is strangely affectionate._

You're one to talk - you pulled me close, not the other way round. But I'm wiser than to say so.

"No, if it's nine, I should get up..." I mumble, and stretch.

_"Oh, good. Then *you* get coffee,” I say, smiling at you brightly as I grab my laptop from the floor._

Ugh - little fucker...

Though it's rare that you let yourself sleep so very late. Were you comfortable, Boss? I hate it when you have a nightmare - you look _so_ scared and hurt - but I do enjoy the protective side that I can let out at those times; holding you like a precious fragile thing, knowing I'll kill anything that dares touch you, feeling you turn to me for protection; you, who are usually so distant and dispassionate.. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside... huh.

Anyway. Coffee.

_I check e-mail, get some work done, and then look at the time. _

_"Where's that coffee, darling?" I shout. "Did you go to help with harvesting the beans? Awfully nice of you, but it doesn't help me any!!"_

I walk up with two trays of breakfast. If it were up to you, you’d live on coffee alone, and I _bet_ you hardly ate, if at all, while I was away. I put down a tray in front of you with a good full English, orange juice, and coffee. “There’s more in the pot, but have some food first. You’re a pain when you get a stomach ache.”

_"Yes, Sir. I'll have breakfast first, Sir..." I roll my eyes, but the food smells heavenly. My stomach growls, but I cover it by scraping my mug across the tray, sipping it loudly, and putting it down with a thump. Then I smile at you and have another long sip of coffee before tucking into my eggs._

Yeah yeah, I know you’re in charge, and you’ll eat when you’re good and ready... perfectly fine. But you are eating.

I tuck into my own breakfast with gusto. I’m not a great cook but breakfast is my speciality; as well as chocolate cake, eggs florentine, spaghetti carbonara, and colcannon - your comfort foods which I’ve learnt to cook to perfection to avoid having plates thrown at me. It’s amazing how well one learns with good motivation.

_Mmm. Delicious. I try not to show *too* much how I'm enjoying it. But I think you may suspect as I finish off everything on my plate... that's an awfully smug look I see as you drink your coffee..._

You’re devouring everything with a carefully composed face - yes, of course Jim, it’s just fuel. I’m glad you’re enjoying my fuel though. With a smile I can’t help but realize is smug I clear away the plates and bring you your second coffee.

“Anything you want to talk through for tonight?” I ask.

_"Nah... should be fairly straightforward. You'll just back me up as I have a chat and a drink. We're meeting at a place called Ganymede - swanky gay bar. Not your sort of hangout. But Mr Wood is a very *fancy* barfly. And tramp about the town..." I smirk at you, and drink my coffee._

Hm. I dislike him already. I’ve never liked the more ‘fabulous’ gays. I like my women feminine and my men masculine. The overly flamboyant gay guys just rub me the wrong way. It has nothing to do with the fact that this bloke got a thing for trampy Alexander.

_Interesting... the smug look is gone, replaced with irritation._

_Jealous? Surely not... you have men and women throwing themselves at you round the bloody clock, and I've had to deal with it! I haven't killed *nearly* as many as I could, just the ones who get handsy... People trying to eyefuck you is unavoidable. Well... some of *those* fuckers met with a nasty surprise too... but they *did* live to see another day. Downright magnanimous of me... but do I get any credit for not being murderous? Never! _

_I hop out of bed, and wander over to my closet to choose my costume for tonight_.

“Does the Ganymede,” ugh, the name alone... “have a dress code? Or should I wear the generic bodyguard suit?”

_“Not ‘the’, just Ganymede!” I call back. “As long as you’re in a good suit, you’ll be fine. Make sure it’s *pressed*, not something you pick up off the floor of your cupboard. And do I detect some attitude, Tiger?” I grin. Of course I do... you’re going to be irritated beyond belief. _

_“I expect you to not look surly and disgusted all evening!” I shout, trying not to laugh. “You’ve had more hard cock down your throat and in your arse than any one of them, darling!”_

“Yes, and I didn’t need to look like a peacock to get it, either,” I call back, looking through my suits. There’s the posh one you made me buy by some designer or other, which is still in the bag it came back from the dry cleaner’s in. That should do. It’s simple and black, but the cut is excellent and the fabric lovely, slightly shiny but in an understated way.

You think I look mouth-watering in it, you said. You better drool over me and not this bloke tonight.

What the fuck, Seb? Since when are we jealous?

Well. It makes sense. If I’m not allowed to touch others (and you’ve made that _more_ than clear), then I shouldn’t be expected to just stand around while some illiterate fairy gets his lily-soft hands all over you.

_I’m running my hand along one of my more flash designer suits when you speak, and I grow still. _

_“I *hope* you’re not applying ‘peacock’ to everyone who will be at Ganymede, darling...” I call back sharply. “Because you’re not the only one in this fair city with *game*. I just happen to have a small thing called *standards*...”_

Ooh, sore spot?

“You’re the sexiest motherfucker this town is lucky enough to have - it’s a good thing you’re so bloody scary, or everyone would be falling over themselves to get a piece of you,” I say, entering the bedroom. “And then I’d have to beat them off, and we’d have chaos and mayhem in the streets...”

Not that suit. You look like liquid sex on legs in that suit.

_I feel somewhat satisfied by your response and then downright smug as you look me up and down. The look in your eyes is fascinating... hungry, and then worried and... rather intense for checking out a suit. Was that a *proprietary* look, Sebastian?_

_I raise my chin, rake my hand through my hair and give you a smouldering look in response. “Sexiest motherfucker, am I?” I ask innocently, and brush non-existent lint from my sleeve._

That's not fair. That is very much not fair. Not that suit and that look.

I want to grab you, throw you onto the bed and rip the thing off you before I fuck you into next week.

I want to hold you close and kiss you passionately. (what?)

I want to walk into Ganymede with you dressed like that holding your hand so everyone sees that the sexiest man in London is with _me_.

I want to dance with you for hours, seeing other guys drool over both of us and getting all hot and steamy before I drag you into a back alley for some mind-blowing sex.

Fuck. Why do we never go out clubbing together? I used to go on my own but I haven't since I moved in with you - you're kind of a full-time job; and I really don't fancy going without you. But you only care about work...

And sex. You care about sex. Sometimes. Not as much as I do. But still.

That look _was_ smouldering...

I grab your hair, move your head up, kiss you hard, growl, "Sexiest motherfucker I've ever seen..."

_I’ve become downright entranced watching your expression change - it’s better than *theatre*. There’s anguish, torment... longing?? Frustration, longing again.. (what’s going on?) and then, there’s a predatory flash in your eyes, and you move so *fast*, and you’re *grabbing my hair* and holding my head in place to kiss me roughly. Then you growl words at me, and we’re breathing hard, looking at each other. _

_“Sebastian...” I say in a low, dangerous purr. “Whatever you do next, do not *fucking* wrinkle this suit or tear a single thread... or you’ll see how bloody scary I can get...” I look at you with half-closed eyes. “So... *what’s your move*, Tiger?”_

"Since I can't be expected not to wrinkle this suit without the collaboration of the person inside it, my next move will be to ask said person if he wants to come whilst wearing the suit our whilst not wearing the suit..." I say hoarsely.

_"*Take it off me then*, Sebastian..." I say through gritted teeth, my eyes sparking. "Fucking slowly..."_

_Yes_.

I carefully unbutton the jacket, move behind you, help you take it off, and put it on the hanger. I grab your tie and pull you close for another quick kiss before I slide the knot down, lift the tie over your head, and hang it on the hook of the hanger. Your trousers are next... a button, a hook, a zip... I move them down a bit, you lean on my shoulder to step out of them. Tight black trunks reveal a definite interest. I step back, carefully fold the trousers lengthwise, then hang them over the lower bar of the hanger.

Now the shirt - definitely no creasing the shirt and _certainly_ no tearing off of delicate buttons. One by one I undo them, revealing your undershirt - oh of course, one _more_ bloody layer to get off. At least I won't have to worry about creasing it. The shirt goes on a separate hanger.

_I observe as you undress me far more carefully than you normally would... generally you tear through fabric first and deal with repercussions after with a cocky grin and salute. But I think I got my point across that this would *not* go over well - I look *fucking* good in this suit. I mean, on an average day I look better in a suit than *anybody* - but in this one I make *every* head turn. And in a room full of posh, arrogant queens, *of course* I have to be the hottest one. Having Sebastian on standby is just the cherry on top._

_I watch closely as you hang everything up perfectly. “My,” I say drily. “So you *do* know how to hang things up... you were just waiting for the right incentive, Tiger?” I stand staring at you as you finish hanging up the last hanger, and I run my tongue over my lips slowly._

"You'll recall I was born into aristocracy and then did a stint in the army... the fact that I _know_ how to keep clothes pristine doesn't mean I will bestow the veneration upon them they don't deserve. But that suit - that suit should come with a warning. And warrants all the respect it gets. That suit is more provocative than walking around naked. I'm going to have to come at _least_ twice today if I'm to keep myself in check tonight... "

I take your undershirt, pull it off, as well as my own T-shirt, pull you close, our chests rubbing together.

_I pretend to think. “Aristocracy? Military? Doesn’t ring a bell,” I say doubtfully. “Here I was thinking you a proper savage... And now my aristocratic, ex-military beast of a bodyguard is *informing* me he needs to come two times today... by all *means*, darling.” _

_I run my fingers through your hair, see your eyes glaze over, and yank your head back. “What did you have in mind, Sebastian?” I purr and lick your throat slowly. “Planning to *take* me?”_

"Like a _savage_?" I groan. Your tongue is giving me gooseflesh... But careful, Sebastian. Don't push it...

"I would _love_ to take you... let you feel what an aristocratic ex-military beast is capable of..."

_*God*... I was just biding my time to throw you over the bed and fuck you back into submission, but... you're so rarely off the leash, and yesterday was *so* hot. And I can't help thinking you working off some aggression *before* tonight might be a good idea... I was looking forward to a fun little evening out for a change, and the last thing I need is a surly Tiger snapping at every ponce who bumps into me or spills a drink on his suit. _

_"Well are you just going to talk about how you would *love* it? How you'd make me *feel* it? Or are you going to fucking do it?" I growl. "*Beast*..."_

Wow - oh, wow.

I was going out on a limb there - pushing it to see if I could - and fuck me, you seem to be into it. Did you enjoy last night more than you let on, my sadistic control freak?

I can feel the corners of my mouth straining from the width of my grin as I pull my hair free of your grip, grab you in both arms, and throw you onto the bed, pouncing after you, biting your collar bone - I know Jim, no visible marks...

_And in an instant you've thrown me to the bed and bitten me._

_Don't get too used to this, Tiger, I think even as I wriggle with pleasure under your teeth._

_My eyes flash as I look at you, and I score your back with my nails._

_Mine_, I think, and am a bit surprised at the thought. Surely I don’t presume to lay claim to Jim Moriarty’s body?

Well. I protect this body with my own. I live in this house. Sleep in this bed. I am the _only_ one who shares all this with him. The only one he trusts.

Your nails tear my back as if you’re reading my thoughts and want to remind me of my place... I know, Jim... you’re not some ordinary man to be claimed... and I wouldn’t dream of it...

Just as long as no one else touches you.

I moan at your nails, grab your underpants and pull them off, together with mine.

_And it doesn't take long for us to be naked, grasping each other and moaning. _

_*Fuck*, you get me hot... when I think back to the very beginning, I remember how rigidly in control I was, how I thought I always would be... god, things have been sliding since then... more than I even realized. Sex was always such an easy thing to manage until you came along. But there's something about you... all it takes is one lustful smirk from you, and the next thing I know we're ripping clothes off, making each other bleed and sweat and moan._

_You're already bleedy and moaning..._

_and my skin is feeling so hot against yours..._

_I pull you into a rough kiss. _

_We never used to kiss either... I moan into your mouth, as I feel your cock grind against mine._

Jim... Jim, bloody hell, you drive me crazy... Sex with you is like dancing on a cliff's edge, one wrong move and you're dead, but if you manage not to fall it's the most exhilarating experience ever...

I feel blood trickle from one or several of the scratches on my back - the amount of mattresses we've ruined...

You are _so fucking intensely hot_ \- you are hot whatever you do, when you're working, or when you are cold and calculating and driving me to the edge of despair and beyond, but you're never as hot as when you are like this - letting yourself go, letting your lust out, letting it shine out of your eyes, be audible in your moans, be felt in the way you grasp my body to you, your hard cock rubbing against mine...

This drives me _wild_ when you're about to fuck me, but now you seem to have implied that _I_ should fuck _you_, and that is enough to make my brain go offline entirely, or it would be, if I didn't need it to ensure I don't waltz straight off the aforementioned cliff.

For now, you seem uncharacteristically free, your eyes closed, your hands grasping, your mouth moaning and kissing - I love seeing you like this...

I roll you over, lie on top of you, biting the back of your neck, rubbing my stiff cock between your buttocks.

_My eyes squeeze shut as your teeth sink into my neck and I let out a ragged breath. Your cock is rubbing against my arse, rubbing hard and so close to a rare destination, and *fuck*, that's hot..._

_I don't know why I'm letting you do this again so soon... other than it's unbelievably fucking hot... But that never used to be a good enough reason. Why is it now? What's changed?? _

_I can't *think* like this, there's no blood available for my brain... and I don't bloody care, which should be a red flag of some sort, but *fuck it*... 'unbelievably fucking hot' is *reason enough*... _

_I groan and press my arse back hard against your cock._

Still on safe ground, it seems... time to dance a _little_ bit closer to the edge...

“You’re so unbelievably hot, Jim... the sexiest man on the bloody _planet_. I never not want you... my cock gets rock hard just _thinking_ about you. Let alone feeling that smooth skin... those taut muscles... that hot little arse... hearing you groan...”

I lean towards the nightstand, grab the lube, start lubing you up.

“I can’t wait to fuck you...” I move my finger, searching for your sensitive spot. “Fuck you hard, like you need to be fucked - lose myself in that hot body...”

I position myself at your entrance, slowly, carefully, push in, gasping at the heat inside you - fuck Jim, _so good_...

_"God - yes -" I breathe. "Fuck my hot little arse like you want to with your rock hard cock... fuck me so hard," I growl, reaching back and grasping your arse. I pull you against me, moaning, and my nails dig into your skin. "Well? What does an aristocratic, ex-military savage do to the sexiest motherfucker he's ever seen, when he has him where he wants him?"_

“You’ll feel...” I growl and push in as hard as I dare, gauging your response. You seem all for it, so I push you down into the mattress (_really!?_) and pull out, push back in again.

_I groan as you thrust into me hard. Well, I asked for it, didn’t I... but I like it, and it’s infinitely better than something too gentle and slow. _

_And you are so into it, pushing me down, thrusting in and out... god... so good._

_I make a mental note to tighten the leash again - *later*. _

_You push into me hard again, and I moan loudly. _

_I am so going to take this out on your arse tomorrow, Tiger..._

I feel giddy, dizzy with the unexpected heights reached in my dance on the edge, swept away by the vistas I see unfolding before me, hitherto unseen and never expected - Jim Moriarty, untouchable, aloof, unyielding Jim Moriarty, pressed down under my hands, squirming around my cock, moaning under my onslaught...

Any moment I'm going to misstep and plunge to my death, but it is so good...

"_Fuck_, you feel good... your arse was made to take my cock, so hot and tight -"

I move faster now, harder, and you seem to enjoy it; you don't take kindly to timidity and dithering, you tend to snarl at me to _hurry up_, but also kick me off and punish me if I go too fast, so it's a fine line to walk... But I have the feeling that there's little chance of me going too fast today, you seem to want to feel well and truly fucked, and I'm only too happy to oblige...

I pound away without restraint now, there's no elegance left to this fuck, it's just pure, primal need.

_My arse was made to take your cock? A bit *much*, Sebastian... I'm about to say something rather snappish, but then you pick up the pace and oh god, you're slamming into me, and I can't think anymore, and it's perfect, it's just fucking perfect..._

_God - yes - *fuck* me, Tiger..._

I fucked others like this, but never you... you’d never let me, always kept me on such a short leash - even when I was allowed to fuck you you’d keep the strings firmly in hand. This is - wow.

I’m high from the giddy feeling of being off a leash I’ve been on for over a year, _really_ enjoying the feeling of you around me, under me, the sounds you make...

I’m _so_ going to pay for this, you’re going to take this indulgence out on me, and that makes me even more elated... what are you going to do to me? Will you make me cry? Bleed?

I don’t know why it’s that thought that pushes me over the edge; I’m fucked up, but _fuck_, this is good...

“Fuck - Jim - oh god you’re hot, you’re the hottest man on the fucking _planet_, god I love fucking you... I’m going to come - oh _god_...”

My back arches, my eyes squeeze shut, and I roar my ecstasy into the bedroom as I spasm my delight into you - over and over... fuck, I can’t breathe - too good...

_*Jesus*... you’ve never fucked me like this before. It’s simultaneously unacceptable and completely *fucking hot*... so I’ll allow it and punish you later. _

_Besides, I don’t think I could choose otherwise on a whim... my body is *fucking* into what’s happening, and has no intention of following any orders to stop._

_You’re slamming into me, making me gasp and moan... you’re raving, and I’m barely aware of what is being said, although I *try* to keep an ear out for anything to make you pay for later... I dimly register that you call me the hottest man on the planet - *very* good, Sebastian... _

_oh *so good*, Sebastian!! _

_and then you’re coming, pumping Tiger semen into my arse for the second day in a row... shuddering against me (god, that’s hot), roaring like a predatory cat (*so hot!!*) and struggling to breathe. My, my, Tiger... you *do* love fucking me, don’t you... who could blame you, darling?_

Fuck... fuuuuccckkkkkk...

Every grain of pleasure is drawn through me in an orgasm I can feel in my _toes_. And everywhere else.

I fall onto the bed, my knees giving out at the same time as my arms. I vaguely remember there is a Boss beside me who will want his own relief in a moment... but yes... in a moment... I can’t move... I’m having enough of a struggle just catching my breath.

_And you're done and collapsing onto the bed... _

_aaaaand you're still catching your breath and not focused on me yet. _

_*This* is why it's better for me to come first... I can either take my sweet time getting to you, or just leave you to suffer in silence. _

_But *you* don't get these options, Sebastian... _

_I roll over, look at my erect cock pointedly and heave a sigh._

The world is soft blackness, but a sound pierces - a sound I could never ignore - James Moriarty, getting exasperated. Exasperated James Moriarty is more dangerous than anything I've ever encountered, and I was a demolitions expert. My survival instinct sends a wave of adrenaline and I open my eyes to survey the scene.

Ah, yes. The defuser is quite obvious. From somewhere I gather the strength to move, grasp your hips, lick my lips, open my mouth, and have it filled with urgent need, demanding presence, so familiar I close my eyes and drift into a comfortable rhythm without much need for thought.

_You get to work, and everything is right with the world again... your mouth on my cock, seeing to my needs. As it should be._

_Oh god, so good... _

_No one has ever blown me like you do... and by now you've sucked my cock so many times, I barely remember what it was like with other people... _

_God... I haven't felt the urge to be with anyone else, but I imagine it would feel... disappointing... *substandard*._

_My hands drift to your head. My fingers knit through your hair and tighten. A wave of shivers moves through my muscles, and I moan._

Your hand in my hair, holding me still - like I was going to go anywhere, but it gives you something to hold onto, and I guess also a sense of power, of being in control. Which is _fine_ with me - I find it incredibly hot, feeling your hand on my head, your cock in my mouth, your hand moving my head in the way and rhythm you want; your cock moving into and out of my mouth as I let my tongue and lips do their work, the work they are so used to, they enjoy so much... drawing moans, groans, shivers, and eventually, seed, from James Moriarty.

_I groan loudly as you suck me. God, is this getting better? This sexual chemistry between us has been off the charts from the beginning - but you'd think after a year it would be fading... not getting hotter? My mind reels at the thought, but then all thoughts are consumed by heat rising through me as I cry out, and start to shudder against you. _

_"Oh fuck, oh *god*," I gasp, and I'm a shivering, moaning wreck as I come hard, and in waves, ending with exploding into your mouth, ohgodoh*god*... *Tiger*..._

Yes - there we are... I love feeling, hearing, tasting you come, I really do; there's nothing hotter, I swear...

Your fingers tighten in my hair, pulling it painfully, but you'll let go in a moment.

It seems to be a good one, you're moaning, shuddering, invoking deities you don't believe in... I grin as I swallow your semen, keep licking and teasing you until you pull me away with a moan that doesn't sound very manly at all...

_I raise my head off the pillow and as I pull you off my cock by your hair, I moan loudly._

_"Jesus - Seb -" I pant. "*Enough*... "_

_I fall back against the pillow. "But it *was* fucking amazing..." I admit, and heave a sigh._

Ah, praise? That’s rare and appreciated. I grin smugly as I make my way up to the pillow to have a moment of relaxation, a stolen minute of postcoital glow, before the reality of the day breaks the little bubble.

_“Now that I’ve been kind enough to let you work out some aggression, I expect you to be on your very best behaviour tonight...” I lean over and pat your cheek. “Or I’ll be working out some aggression on *you* in the morning.” I give you a sharp smile, and sit up. “Time for yet another shower. Ever since you came along, it seems like I’m always in the fucking shower...” I shoot you a look, but I can’t help the corner of my lips from turning up. “Tigers and their bloody messes...” I grumble and head to the bathroom._

"Cleanliness is next to godliness," I retort as I follow you to the shower. "It's a good thing you got me to remind you of that, isn't it? Can't have people thinking you're a mere human..."

I dive into the shower before you so you don't forget that the cold tap exists. I turn the temperature to scalding and you walk in shivering. It must be your demonic nature or something.

_“God, it’s freezing,” I snap, before going under the water. “Could I have some hot water, if that’s not too much to ask? Oh, don’t look at me like that...” My grumpiness forgotten, I close my eyes and let the water stream over me. “Mmm... “ I sigh. “I can’t wait for tonight! I haven’t been dancing in so long... Every queen there will desire me, *won’t* they, Tiger...” I demand._

Damn right they will. And that’s _fine_, as long as they keep their long-fingered manicured hands _off_ you.

“Everyone will desire you when you wear that suit. The bloody lesbians will reconsider. And when you start dancing, the whole room will be worshipping at your feet.”

_Smiling smugly, I push a bottle of high-end shampoo into your chest. Obligingly, you start to lather up my hair. I sigh with pleasure. During a shower is one of the few times when I feel your touch regularly - it makes me feel like a cossetted cat. It feels safe enough, being attached to the function of getting me sparkly clean... you're *very* thorough. But I would never admit how much I like to feel your hands on me... scrubbing my hair, lathering my skin... and I do have to stop myself on more than one occasion from rubbing myself against your face and purring._

I love washing you... feeling your silky hair between my fingers... I especially love rinsing out the shampoo; it's a very sensual feeling, the hair in the luscious stream from your shower.

Then there's the washing of your body - even better; the feeling of your unblemished skin under the smoothness of the body wash, gliding sleekly over your chest, your back, your bottom... then sinking to my knees to wash your legs, your feet - your cock...

_I'm feeling downright blissful as you move your hands over every inch of my skin... is it my imagination or are you taking extra time today? And going over the same areas more than once? You're on your knees looking mesmerized by my skin... running your hands over my calves and thighs, gazing at my cock... I recognize that look on your face... if I hadn't just come a moment ago you'd be sucking it. Looks like you're still considering it, though... I roll my eyes and pull your head back by the hair. _

_"Wakey-wakey, Sebastian!" I sing. "I need to get some work done before we head out. Do you think you can manage rinsing me off, or do I need to take care of that myself? And - did we suddenly decide conditioner is unnecessary, darling?" I say pointedly, and shove the bottle at you._

Oh yes, conditioner - that's a thing now. You used to have this expensive two-in-one stuff but apparently this leaves your locks more luscious. I can't say I see any difference, but I'm all for more hair washing - though I'm not too pleased about being cruelly pulled out of my tête-à-tête with your penis.

I pull off the showerhead and rinse you off carefully, then put the conditioner in your hair. "Leave in for two minutes, it says..."

Now what could I do with two minutes...

_"Better do as it says, then..." I say with a sharp smile. "You do know how to follow instructions, don't you, Tiger?" _

_You make a rude gesture with your tongue, and sink to your knees. _

_"What are you-" _

_Oh..._

_*OH*..._

I did say orgasm at least twice, didn't I? And if _I_ am going to, then you must. Them's the rules.

Your cock twitches under my tongue - I know, my friend. We're best buddies, aren't we? I know how to make you respond, James Moriarty... and if two minutes go by and you're not yet in the mood, well, they were two minutes well spent.

_My mouth drops open, and my head falls against the shower wall with a *thump*. _

_*OW*._

_But I can't even call you to task because that would require using my brain to form sounds besides 'fuuuuck'..._

_*God*, Sebastian... I just came a little while ago... I need *some* energy left for tonight to be all badass and sexy and... _

_*ohhh*... I don't know if you're doing this on purpose or not... but if you think two orgasms are going to stop me from being at the centre of everyone's attention, including a certain gay gentleman who desires me *hard*... you have another thing coming, Tiger..._

There we are... my mouth around your cock, you moaning, grasping at the pipes to stay upright... that's the world as I know and love it, thank you very much. And that's only thirty seconds gone... let's see how far I can get in three times that, shall we?

_My head falls forward and I stare at you sucking me... _

_Oh Jesus... it's still hot... _

_it's so fucking hot... _

_My hands float up to your hair, tousling through it before pulling your head hard against my groin. _

_"Fuck... Sebastian..." I groan._

Can we do it? Can I get you hard again a mere ten minutes after you've come? Can we stay in a perpetual loop of orgasms and showers until we are two completely drained prunes?

... I'm definitely making an impression. You're groaning and writhing against the shower wall.

_Oh god... you’re so hot, and I could totally let myself get swept away by this, but... Somehow I suspect I’ll want to just curl up on the sofa and not go out. _

_Curl up on the sofa with a big warm lump..._

_My eyes fly open. What. The. Fuck._

_Since *when* do I want to cancel playing a role... for *cuddling*?_

_And I’ve been looking forward to stunning the crowd with my dancing... my suit.. and let’s face it, *me*. _

_And I *won’t* be denied my adulation..._

_I pull you off my cock by the hair. _

_“No.” _

_I gesture at my hair. “I’m sure it’s been two minutes. And I need my energy for tonight...” I say loftily. _

_God, that sounded like I was going to get up to something sexual, didn’t it..._

_Well... I can’t say for sure it *won’t*..._

_The man clearly *wants* that flirty little tramp Alexander Wood..._

_And when I start playing a role, I get pretty much sucked into it. _

_Well. I don’t actually know what will happen. You’ll just have to handle it. _

_You look like you want to override my order, and keep sucking me._

_Tempting. But -_

_“Get up, Sebastian,” I sing, squeezing your jaw in my hand._

_Aw-_

My magic is not infinite after all, it seems. Ten minutes is too little. I'll have to try again later...

I stand up, rinse out your conditioner, give my own hair a quick wash as you towel yourself off. You throw on some jogging trousers and head back into your office. Playtime for Tigers over then...

I sigh, dry myself off, and start cleaning and checking the weapons I'll be taking tonight.

Everything is clean, maintained, oiled, checked, double-checked, and triple-checked. I've used the gym, had a shower, and am more than ready for that second orgasm.

I head to your office. I know you don't like being disturbed if the door is closed, but - I'm pretty sure you haven't had lunch, so I bring a sandwich as an excellent excuse and a coffee as a peace offering.

I knock, get a curt "Enter!" and walk in, wearing combat trousers and a vest, which I know you love. You hardly look up, frowning at your laptop.

That is not a good sign.

"I brought you lunch. And coffee," I smile.

You nod to the edge of the desk, still scowling at the laptop. I put down the plate and the mug, hover for as long as I dare, trying to catch your eye, but you ignore me. I know better than to try to draw your attention when you're like that; you're likely to snap and remain in a foul mood for a bit, which is the opposite of what I want.

So I head out of the room, sigh. Head back to the gym. I think the sandbag didn't get enough attention earlier.

_You’re off, most likely preparing weapons, and I have all afternoon and evening before we leave. Plenty of time to get some work done. _

_I settle into a comfortable pace, answering messages, and sending instructions... _

_plucking threads of my web, and watching them quiver as I set plans in motion... _

_I shiver with pleasure, feeling the reverberations already beginning. This anticipation never gets old... *ever*... _

_Just then you appear in the office in front of my desk - when did the door open? Your lips are moving. Something about... lunch? Jesus. Leave it and go. _

_You’re *hovering*, Sebastian... _

_You get the hint, sigh, and leave. _

_God, I’m totally distracted now!! Where was I?? _

_A text alert *pings* on Alexander’s phone. I cover my eyes, scowling. Can a mastermind not get a moment’s peace?? Is this why in films they have lairs? Maybe I need something lair-like, so that people have to travel through tunnels to find me..._

_I glance at the phone display and slowly the scowl becomes a smile. _

Hey A, looking forward to tonight! Whoever said not to mix business with pleasure is a fool! Lol, see you soon! A

_Alexander’s potential client is getting terribly excited for a meeting that is not-quite-a-date. Interesting... _

_I’ll have him right where I want him by the end of the night - with or without sex. He’s already primed and ready..._

_I smile with smug satisfaction as I tap out a reply. _

Hey A! Looking forward to copious amounts of both! x, A

_>Send<_

I order Thai food for dinner and head up to your study in a bout of suicidal tendency.

“Jim. Food will be here in twenty minutes.”

_“Food?” I repeat, not looking up from my laptop. “Didn’t I just eat?”_

“Yup. It’s one of those annoying things you have to do over and over. Got you beef kway teow. Don’t let it get cold.”

_“Critical design flaw,” I mutter. “One that I never agreed to...” _

_As usual, eating is going to cut into my precious time with my beautiful web. And I already have the evening booked off for my little roleplay adventure. Scowling, I wave you off._

I head back downstairs and lay the table, get the espresso machine ready. It's a toss-up whether you'll come down for dinner - you like Thai and you'll need your energy for tonight, but it's nigh on impossible to pry you away from your laptop.

One time I cut off the Wi-Fi. I regretted that...

_Beef kway teow appears before me._

_I pick at first, annoyed. But it’s good... And I realize how hungry I am. It wouldn’t do to go out for drinks, and potentially dancing, and feel light-headed..._

_I sigh and eat in earnest, glancing up at the laptop screen in between bites. _

_The mostly cleared plate gets taken away. _

_I return to my web... and then... time to get ready._

I'm alerted to the fact that it's dolling-up time by overly loud Madonna thumping through the ceiling. It will take you at least an hour to get ready, whereas I will need exactly five minutes to get into my suit, but it's a delight to watch you, so I head upstairs to the bedroom, where I'm treated to a brief-clad boss shimmying to the dresser.

_I wander over to the full-length mirror naked and stare into my eyes. _

_Alexander Wood... _

_Come out, come out, wherever you are... _

_“Don’t be shy, darling,” I croon to my reflection. _

_Nothing. Hm. _

_I don’t usually get this sexed up before embodying a character... maybe some of my creative energy found its way out already...?_

_“Tiger...” I mutter, and turn on my heel. I pick up the pair of extravagantly-priced white boxer briefs I’ve laid on the bed. I sit down and wriggle them on. Then I lean across the bed, and snatch up my phone from the bedside table. _

_I scroll through the playlist I’ve already prepared for Alexander Wood, and press Shuffle._

_Surprise me, darling..._

_The music begins, and I smile. Oh, Madonna - Alexander does enjoy his retro... different selections than mine, but whatever he likes..._

_I stalk to the mirror and resume staring deeply into my eyes. _

Haven't we met?

Some kind of beautiful stranger

You could be good for me

I've had the taste for danger

_I begin to move rhythmically and hypnotically. My arms rise as though I’m dancing with him, oh so seductively - _

I looked into your eyes

And my world came tumbling down

You're the devil in disguise

That's why I'm singing this song

_My eyes half close, and as I dance I feel Alexander rising up into me. _

_I begin to sing softly._

To love you

Is to be part of you

I paid for you with tears

And swallowed all my pride

Beautiful stranger

_“Welcome, honey...” I whisper. _

_Alexander blinks back at me, and his lips curl into a smile._

You haven't seen me, and that sweet whispered greeting is not for _my_ benefit, that's for sure.

"Rehearsing for tonight?" I ask.

_“Rehearsing, yes...” I say, distracted. It’s always so strange interacting with you when I’m in character. You often seem annoyed or disapproving. It really doesn’t help, Sebastian... _

_*Anyway*. _

_“It’s Alexander now... Weird to think you’ve met him already... and fucked him...” I smile slyly. _

_I can’t help it - I turn around and press myself against you. “Perhaps you’ll get to fuck me again...” I say innocently. _

_Alexander, you incorrigible twit... stop flirting with security. _

_I give you a seductive look through my eyelashes, then step away from you. _

_“Better get dressed...” I murmur and head to my cupboard, where my devastating suit awaits._

I grin at _that_. I'd love to fuck Mr Wood... especially after seeing him dance, if his dancing is anything like Jim Moriarty's. Especially if he's going to wear _that suit_...

Fuck, I should have had a wank this afternoon. There's no way I'm not going to be drooling all over you all night.

Inwardly, of course. Outwardly I'll be the very image of the perfect stoic bodyguard. Always the professional, right Moran?

_Heh. I caught that look, Sebastian... _

_Your disapproval has been temporarily waylaid by lust. *Of course* you want to fuck me._

_But don't get too carried away... we're not going to be out *together*. _

_I'm going to be busy flirting with someone else... and by your expression, I already know the target is going to find me - that is, Mr Wood - *irresistible*..._

_Moving sinuously to Alexander’s Madonna playlist, I slide on my shirt and trousers as if my skin is madly in love with the fabrics. _

Gonna get to know you in a special way

This doesn't happen to me every day

_Affixing my skull cuff links, I regard myself in the mirror as I shimmy my hips. _

Only when I'm dancing can I feel this free

At night I lock the doors, where no one else can see

I'm tired of dancing here all by myself

Tonight I want to dance with someone else

_Once I finish dressing, I test moving sensuously in the suit to the next song, staring at myself intently. Perfect. _

I'm gonna break the cycle

I'm gonna shake up the system

I'm gonna destroy my ego

I'm gonna close my body now

_I strut to the bathroom, and add products to my hair to give it that freshly tousled look - all to make Alistair think of what I'd look like after a tumble in designer sheets. _

For every sin, I'll have to pay

A time to work, a time to play

I think I'll find another way

It's not my time to go

_I mist myself with cologne - a hint of sandalwood and an intoxicating kiss of magnolia, and I. Am. Ready. _

I'm gonna delay my pleasure

I'm gonna close my body now

_I dance back to the full-length mirror and blow a kiss at my reflection. Alistair doesn't stand a chance. _

It's not my time to go (uh, uh)

I guess I'll die another day

I guess I'll die-

_Abruptly I turn off the music. _

_"Sebastian," I trill. "Mr Wood is ready, darling..."_

Good grief. You have to be the only man who can make getting dressed look hotter than a striptease. The way you touch your clothes makes me want to be a silk shirt.

And the way you look at yourself in the mirror... not a single detail escapes those eagle eyes, and when the visage has passed muster, they caress the reflection, a cherished lover whose effort is noted and very much appreciated.

You look _magnificent_... I can't tear myself away, but finally you head into the bathroom for your finishing touches, so I guess it's time to make myself presentable.

I put on cologne, stuff some mousse in my hair, and get into my nice suit. That'll do.

I head back into the bedroom, in time to see you dance with yourself, enraptured with the beauty of the sight before you, blowing yourself a kiss like Narcissus justified - surely even Nemesis herself would not take exception to this.

Mr Wood is ready indeed. And his loyal bodyguard is more than ready to protect him from his adoring fans...


	5. Butterflies and Hurricanes

_On the car ride, I'm poring over information on my phone. You're staring out the window next to me, trying not to make it too obvious that you keep looking at me. Ordinarily, I would snap at you to stop distracting me... *especially* when I'm focussed on maintaining a character. But then - maybe you can help instead of being a hindrance._

_Alexander Wood would not be busy with work when a big hunky man was sitting next to him. I slide the phone into my trouser pocket. Then I stare at you as I rub my lips idly with my knuckle. _

_"I still haven't forgotten what you *did*," I say petulantly. _

_Your eyebrows rise. "What's that.." you say, scanning me - probably determining who you were in fact conversing with. _

_"Why, Sebastian! How quickly they forget," I say with a pout. "You implied that I was a man of questionable morals. I still have every intention of making an official complaint to your employer. Only *you* still haven't assisted me in the matter! After everything we, er - *discussed*." I run my hand over your lapel. "Do you remember the pivotal points of the discussion, Sebastian?" I ask, gazing at you with half-closed eyes._

Oh - oh you're him now are you - Mr Wood.

It's hard to deal with your different personas sometimes - you get so into them that I sometimes wonder if you're still _you_, or if you really have different persons inside you; and then all of a sudden there's Jim Moriarty again. It drives me up the wall sometimes - especially when the persona is sweet or flirty.

This one seems flirty, though not sweet. Alright.

"_Pivotal_ points, certainly... I recall there was a discussion about slottage. Why, were you keen to slot in?"

_"I've been keen to slot in from the very start... remember?" I say silkily. "My hands move over your lapels, and then slide over your shirt, feeling the hard muscles underneath. _

_"I don't know that uncouth behaviour should be rewarded with access to my... services," I say coyly. "Let's just see how well you behave tonight. Perhaps it could be discussed after my meeting... over cocktails..."_

_I gaze up at you through my eyelashes, and it feels like an inferno is about to erupt between us. _

_I feel myself hardening underneath my trousers._

_OK... enough flirting! *Retreat*, Wood... or your suit will be only a beautiful memory..._

_And what are you doing, anyway?? Tonight is supposed to be about having a fun little escape... _

_not about *hooking up with Sebastian*, which I can do *any time*... _

_Even though he does look dashing in his suit... _

_I stare at you for a moment longer, then cross my legs, looking away. _

_"Just be professional..." I say firmly. "When I get in good with Alistair... it will clear the way for prospects that would be remarkably enticing for clients... he's a power player. He'll be terribly valuable for the collection..." I lean my head back against the seat. _

_Moriarty was peeking through there - come on back now, Alexander..._

_"And he's very easy on the eyes..." I give you a saucy wink. You do not look pleased. _

_Awww... jealous, Sebastian?_

Oh fuck Jim - don’t do this Jim - you are too fucking hot - you’re going to be the death of me, and not in a heroic battle context, just from spontaneous combustion...

I can’t wait for those cocktails.

Do I dare touch you? Or will you cut off my hand for messing up your suit?

Too late - you’re retreating, telling me to be professional.

Professional.

You utter bastard. Parading your sexiness in front of me and then demanding I be professional.

I can do that. Of course I can. I’m not some uncouth animal who jumps his Boss when he’s not wanted.

I’ll just stew professionally and wait for the cocktails.

My suit is getting quite uncomfortable. I adjust myself as I listen to you talk about your _Alistair_, who I hate already.

And then - easy on the eyes?

Wink?

Wait - what exactly do you mean by _get in good with_?

You’re not going to -

It’s dark in the car, so I don’t think you see how my face goes from flushed to white, but I can feel it. I look out the window.

We haven’t been in this situation, but I cannot say I haven’t thought about it. Never worked out how to deal with it though.

We’ve fucked. A lot.

We’ve never talked about fucking others. I have a suspicion that you would not approve, and I haven’t been tempted in the slightest - you are all I think about, sexually and non-sexually, and well - I can’t imagine ever going with someone else again after being with _you_.

But you...

I haven’t seen you with anyone and I’m with you a lot. Most of the time.

Sometimes you just disappear and come back, after hours, or days. I’ve learnt not to ask questions. I don’t know if it’s business or something else but... well. You do what you want. And I do what you say. It’s simple. And fine.

But I’ve never been present when you... seduced someone else.

What’s it going to be like to see you smile at that stupid fairy - maybe even _touch_ him -

Fuck.

_You're quiet for the rest of the ride. You've managed to school your face into a neutral expression - but I know you better than that, darling. The glint in your eyes... the tightness of your lips... Well, you can feel as surly as you like as long as I don't have to deal with it... _

_Fuck - why am I having such a difficult time staying in character?? I need a drink. That will help. Alexander is of course a lush as well as a tramp about the town..._

_The car pulls up to the club. I glance at you for a moment before you open your door. _

_"Showtime," I chirp, flashing a smile at you. You don't smile back as you exit the car to scan for potential threats. _

_I roll my eyes. You're no fun! This evening is supposed to be *fun*... I realize I’m pouting and I stifle it as the door opens. _

_"All clear," you say, and I exit languidly. You escort me to the door, where their security checks my name against the list on his clipboard, before waving me in. _

_The door opens - darkness, flashing lights, and thumping electronic music wash over me. I close my eyes briefly, and raise my head towards the ceiling, taking in the sounds and throbbing, frenetic energy. I spot the VIP section, and saunter over with you trailing behind me. Once again, Mr Wood's name grants me entry - the velvet rope is lifted for me, and we pass through silently. I scan the area - no sign of Alistair. I check my phone and read a text from him - apparently he had a work emergency, and is running twenty minutes late. It comes off apologetic but breezy. My eyes narrow as I reread it - is he playing me? *Alexander*, I mean. *No one* would make Moriarty wait..._

_I feel strangely... affronted, on Alexander's behalf. _

_"What's wrong?" you drawl, from behind me. "Your date stood you up?"_

_"He's not my *date*!" I snap, then try to shake off my irritation. "He's a potential *business partner*, as I told you... he had to deal with a work emergency, that's *all*."_

_Your eyebrows shoot up, and you stare at me dubiously. _

_Oh my *god*. Alexander is fucking *insecure*... *how* did I not know this??_

_"He'll be here in twenty minutes," I declare to you, and toss my hair. "Look. Just get me a drink. A peach-pomegranate martini. *We* can have fun in the meantime, can't we, Sebastian..." I shoot you a flirtatious smile, and wander over to a table. I type out a text. _

Oh, were we meeting tonight? jk, lol. Running late, too. We're such workaholics! :)

_I slide my phone in my pocket, seething. If Alistair is *one minute* later than he said, I'll tell you to take him out into an alley and shoot him in his handsome, arrogant face._

You look pissed off, then act all flirty again... I'm not saying you're driving me up the wall, but you are. Par for the course...

I pay an outrageous fortune for a pint of lager and a peach-pomegranate martini, which looks and smells absolutely disgusting. I'm sure you'll love it.

I take it over to you, and you sip it eagerly, look delighted. I never understood the urge to make alcohol taste like a children's party, but there you go. As long as you don't make me drink it. I'll enjoy my horrendously overpriced pretentious microbrewery lager.

You shuffle up to me on the anthracite designer seat and smile.

You have so many smiles. This is not one of your usual ones - it's a special Alexander Wood smile, and Alexander Wood is not a character I've met before - well, outside of the bedroom, and he didn't smile a lot in there.

I've come to recognize _some_ of your smiles. Each of the personas you put on when you interact with people has their own set. They look so real, but you drop them in an instant.

From when we're alone, I know the smirking one when you are being cruel, the self-satisfied one when you are being clever, the excited one when a plan is coming together. You don't fake those - you play characters with me sometimes but you don't keep up a persona most of the time. I guess I'm honoured, in a way - but there's also an aspect of habituation. It's not worth the effort of putting up a show for me all the time any more.

One I've never seen is a smile where you're genuinely happy. I wonder if that's even possible.

Gloomy thoughts, Moran. Stop being morose.

I smile back at Alexander.

"Come here often?"

_I've just taken a sip of delicious drink when you throw me a line with a smirk. I have to stop myself from doing laughing and spraying you with pomegranate vodka. Apparently Alexander is easily amused._

_Swallowing delicately, I roll my eyes at you. "Oh, Sebastian... Do you *actually* use that?" I say in a silky voice. _

_The smile fades from my face as I picture you talking up anybody at a bar. But as Alexander, I can't exactly start threatening you... can I. But I can *certainly* make sure you only have eyes for me. _

_I raise my martini glass and quickly take another sip. "I can just imagine the primitive disco trash that would work on," I say in my haughtiest voice. "Which I am clearly *not*. So perhaps you should come up with something better, honey. Just because we shared one tawdry video call, and one ill-advised encounter, does not mean you can do away with the elegance of courtship rituals..." Alexander, what are you *saying*, you *twit*? _

_I don't know where *any* of this is coming from. Yes, I'm used to my characters taking over and losing myself in them... but bloody Alexander seems to have a yen for flirting with Sebastian, which was not exactly part of the plan... And flirting would be fine, except that's not exactly the focus of the entire evening - *is it*. _

_I raise my chin. "Anyway. My business acquaintance will be here in less than twenty minutes, so it doesn't give you much time to charm me. Does it, Sebastian..." The look I give you over my martini glass is one of outright challenge. I watch as my hand slowly runs over your bicep and squeezes it._

I grin as you touch my arm - that's right baby, those muscles could be all yours...

It's been a while since I've tried to chat anyone up - but _challenge accepted_, Mr Wood.

I look at you, subtly checking you out, letting my eyes gleam with appreciation. "You're indeed not disco trash, and certainly not primitive... your suit and grooming express class as well as taste." I hold my head at an angle, looking at you more blatantly. "I'd say art collector, as you clearly seem to have an eye for beauty, but you seem a bit young for that. You're too understated for a fashion designer. Too sophisticated for an entrepreneur. Too intelligent for an heir. Too stylish for a pop star. Hmmm... Sorry, you have me baffled. Could you enlighten me?"

_Oh. You. Flatterer. I gaze at you with your flirtatious smile as I continue to sip my delightful drink._

_“Well, you’re correct on all counts... the things I am, and the things I am not. I’m an associate for an important man - he’s a business magnate, consultant, investor... amongst other things... _

_And I oversee certain areas of his work - such as developing business relationships and partnerships... brokering deals, etcetera on his behalf. _

_Such as with our potential partner Alastair. You see, he’s involved with-“ I stop abruptly, and make a gesture of swivelling a key into my lips, and then throwing it away. “My goodness, I’m telling you more than I usually say. Must be the evil influence of alcohol and nightclubs and fascinating strangers, that the priests warned us about...” I tip my glass, and stare at it with comically wide eyes. “Empty..” I say sadly. “I won’t breathe another word about myself unless another one magically appears, I’m afraid...”_

Subtle, Boss. I grin, pick up your glass.

"I can't stand to see a beautiful man without a drink - allow me to buy you one. Same?"

You nod and I head to the bar, making sure to walk tall and proud, then leaning on the bar, giving you a good view of my arse in its flattering trousers.

I head back with your weird concoction, hand it to you with a bow.

"Your refreshment, Sir..." I make sure to touch your hand when you take it, give your finger the briefest of strokes.

_*A beautiful man*..._

_God, I’m mad for admiration and flattery, and well you know it... _

_I look around the bar in your absence, noting the ‘competition’- well, other people’s competition. Certainly not *mine*. _

_Yes yes, darlings... You’re all hot, dressed to the nines, and too fabulous for words... and *still* you can’t hold a candle to me, I think with pleasure. As I’m sure Alistair will agree. And I already *know* how *you* feel about the topic of *me*. I’ve brought the Playboy of the Western (and Eastern *and* Northern *and* Southern) World to heel, and now he worships at my feet._

_My eyes travel to where you stand at the bar. Oh. Just look at that delectable arse. I find myself licking my lips, and then you turn and I’m struck by your cocky saunter, your flirtatious grin, your bulging - *everything*... _

_For fuck’s sake, Alexander... *Stop* staring at him like that. He’s *noticed*, and he’s looking very *smug* about it. _

_Even as you bow... _

_and touch my hand... _

_The shock of skin nearly makes me drop the glass. I quickly drink, and my irritation is replaced by a delicious floaty feeling. _

_“Why *thank you*... what a gentleman...” I murmur. “You know, at first I thought it was ridiculous to be given security for this assignment... how entirely unnecessary! But I can see the appeal, now...” I say coyly, and inch closer to you. It doesn’t go unnoticed._

"Oh, security is never an unnecessary luxury," I smile. "You never know what could happen to a gentleman of distinction such as yourself... even in a swanky establishment like this."

I let my practised eye roam the bar. "The big man in the blue suit is out to get pissed and he's in a foul mood. If he's a bad drunk, he may well get violent. The place is large and full but there's only one fire exit. If anything were to happen, like a fire or a terrorist attack, there would be a stampede. They don't check for weapons - at least not in the VIP area, where we are... oh Mr Wood, the things that could happen! It's our job, as bodyguards, to make sure that elegant gentlemen like you need never find out..."

I lean over, let my knee slightly touch yours.

"Keep you safe from the harsh side of the world..."

_I stifle a smile as you play big, strong protective bodyguard for me, then find myself breathing in when your knee touches mine. _

_God... why is this so *hot*? _

_"Oh Sebastian, seeing the world through your eyes... makes me feel extremely fortunate to have such strength and professional skill by my side... keeping me safe..." I look suitably impressed and awed. "I mean, look at me - I may be fit... and strong... and capable in a fight... but I'm so small... and I don't know *what* I'd do if real danger were near..." I gaze up at you, eyes half open. "Although technically... *you're* the most dangerous one here... aren't you, Sebastian?" I ask in a breathy voice, and press closer to you._

"I'd like to think so… but alas, no," I shake my head, shifting my eyes from left to right before leaning over towards you. "I happen to know, but this must stay between us, that there is a gentleman here who is more dangerous than I am..."

_I gaze back at you in shock, then look around the room surreptitiously. “What?” I say in a hushed tone. “And you... know this gentleman?”_

"Intimately," I nod. "I've had ample occasion to see how fearsome he is up close... and I have to admit... I've been very impressed by him. He's _lethal_, and can be cruel, but he makes violence look like a beautiful art... a dance on a razor's edge... it's impossible not to be awed."

Our knees are now quite firmly together.

_“He sounds just... horrid,” I say, feeling strangely flushed. “Yet you make him sound so captivating...” I tilt my head, and stare up at you in fascination. _

_“Tell me, Sebastian...” I murmur. “Are you... captivated?”_

"Utterly and completely," I say back in as low a voice as the noisy club will allow. "From the moment I met him, I was under his spell. Some call him the devil... some call him death... some call him a dark sorcerer. He is all these things, and none, and so much more..."

Your eyes are boring into mine, and we are so close, and I think we may actually kiss, when suddenly you leap up.

"Alistair!"

_Alistair is looking puzzled and glancing between the two of us rather suspiciously. _

_Shit.. time for damage control, Alexander. Do what you do best... _

_I give Alistair a flirtatious smile, and walk up to him._

_“Oh, you terrible beast, making me wait...” I say playfully. “I was forced to discuss work plans with my security. Dreadfully boring... but you’re here now, and the fun can begin!”_

_Confusion crosses Alistair’s admittedly beautiful face. “Your - security?” he asks, staring at you. I’m sure he’s wondering why the fuck Alexander looked a second away from making out with his security, and why said security is looking like he wants to pummel him senseless and throw him over the bar, so... time to make the thinking stop. _

_“This is Moran. The big boss insists...” I shrug with a winning smile. _

_Alistair straightens up. He knows which big boss I’m referring to... he looks momentarily cautious and then a hungry gleam flares up in his eyes. There you go, honey. _

_You like money and power? How about a cherry on top?_

_I lean in close to Alistair. “You need a drink, honey...” I purr. “Can’t get started on business or pleasure without it...”_

_The gleam in his eye turns lusty. “But of course! What can I get you, Alexander?” he says smoothly, with a seductive smile. _

_“Prosecco, if you please...” I flash him a smile, and he stares at me for another moment before heading to the bar. _

_“Darling... time to move away... and to not look like you want to murder him,” I say to you pleasantly, with a hint of warning in my voice._

Fucking. Alistair.

I wish I could say I'd forgotten about him. I was really hoping his work emergency would take too long... I know how impatient you get.

You're all flirtatious smiles and happy voice and I wish I could just lay him out cold.

"This is Moran," you say, and I pull my best neutral dumb muscle face and nod at him. He looks me up and down quickly and avidly - ah good. He's seen the quality of the goods which are definitely not on offer.

The question is, does he think _your_ goods are on offer? Do _you_?

You're sending me away and disparaging my poker face. I'm tempted to growl but that would have the wrong effect.

Remembering many, many years of keeping superiors happy while swallowing pride, common sense, and a whole lot more, I squeeze out a "Yes, Sir," and move backwards with my beer.

One second I'm an inch away from Alexander Wood throwing himself at me, the next I'm in the shadows looking at him squealing in enthusiasm at a stupid flute of prosecco.

Great night.

_Dutifully you move away, leaving me cornered by Alistair. _

_He takes a sip of his own prosecco, and leans in towards me, smiling. _

_"You know... I shouldn't say this without having wrapped up the business part of the evening..." he murmurs. "But I haven't been able to stop thinking of you since we made plans to meet."_

_"Oh! *Darling*..." I say, playing with his tie. "I didn't think we'd be meeting at Ganymede if this were *all* business... and who decided business should come first anyway? Heterosexuals in bad suits ?" I ask innocently, and Alistair nearly chokes on his sparkling wine. _

_"Oh, I was right about you..." he laughs uproariously. "You are *bad*, Alexander Wood..."_

_"You don't know the half of it, honey..." I say, my eyes gleaming up at him. _

_Rather than getting antsy, he seems intrigued. Well. Based on Alistair's reputation, he's ruthless and tough as nails in business. Does this extend to his personal life as well? Especially a certain area of his personal life? One that always disappoints me with everyone I meet - except Sebastian, of course... _

_I glance at you. You're staring at me, brooding. Yes, I *saw* that, darling. First chance I get, I'll tell you just what I think about bringing your feelings into your work. Although - I've never had you along in a situation quite like *this* have I... _

_Maybe it was a bad idea? _

_What? *No*. It's your *job*. You're just going to have to suck it up, buttercup._

_I toss my head, and look back at Alistair, who's staring at me expectantly... and looking perplexed. _

_Shit._

_"I'm *so sorry*, the music is so dis*tract*ing..." I say, pressing against him. "Did you ask me something, honey?"_

_"I just asked in what ways you were baa-a-ad..." he says flirtatiously, and slides his arm around my waist. _

_"Oh heavens, *no*..." I wag my finger at him. "You think you're going to entice me to divulge my darkest, tawdriest secrets after *one drink*?" I sip from my flute. "I'm no lightweight, darling. My secrets are locked away tightly for... *at least* two more drinks..." _

_Alistair looks delighted. "Would it be diabolical of me to get you another one?" he says, pretending to twirl a moustache like a villain. _

_"Bad man..." I whisper, raising my face to his. He moves closer, and I return to sipping my drink before winking at him and waving. Sorry darling... Alexander is also a terrible tease..._

_He smiles at me intently and stalks towards the bar. I turn to give you a pointed look, and - there's a woman talking to you. My lips part. _

_*Why is there a woman talking to you?*_

I'm starting to rethink my life choices.

I've slept in freezing mud and not rethought my life choices. And I'd much rather be there again than here. At least mud, cold, and bullets are honest. Straightforward. Not Janus-faced. Mud doesn't pretend it's silk sheets to lure you in.

Alistair is _so funny_!!! And Alexander is _simply hiLArious, darling_! And if I have to stand here and look at much more of this I'm going to knock their heads together. Every time they get close I tense - all this touching and fake laughter - ugh.

Stop it, Moran.

No.

Yes. You are a soldier. You do as you're told.

Ex-soldier.

You are in Jim Moriarty's service. You protect him, you fight for him. That is _all_. You share his bed because you're both grown men who like a good time. Fuck's sake. Jim is - well, Jim. Beyond the concerns of ordinary men. Society's rules don't apply to him, and you damn well know better than to tell him what he can and can't do. And you - you're a soldier and a player, depending on the situation. At _this_ moment, you are a soldier. And when you get back to being a player - fucking play. Don't get attached. You don't. You're not some sentimental fool. Jim wouldn't have time for you if you were.

Keep an eye on the situation. Alistair keeps touching Jim - not planting trackers? His hand near his drink - is he slipping anything in it? Are there any other people around watching them? Why is there a woman blocking my sight? Is this a distraction technique?

"Hey. Haven't seen you here before," she smiles.

Right. Be polite. If it is a distraction, pretend you're falling for it, meanwhile keeping an eye on Alistair and Jim. You can do this.

"First time, actually. It's a nice place," I smile.

Alex and Alice are cooing over drinks, but nothing untoward seems to be taking place. The woman looks vaguely familiar - she's on telly, isn't she? In that case, probably not a distraction, but a genuine chat-up attempt? In a gay bar? Well, I guess we could both be bisexual - I mean I _am_, but - well -

"I like coming here - it's usually very nice and relaxed, no guys hitting on you. You can just dance and have a good time," she smiles.

Oh yeah, amazing. Alistair holds up your empty glass and heads to the bar - sure, get him drunk, why don't you.

_You’re talking to *her* now?? Do I need to remind you we’re doing a job? _

_And what the fuck is a lesbian doing coming onto a man, anyway? Unless she’s... *not*..._

_My eyes zero in on her. I can’t see her face clearly from this angle... _

_And now I can’t see it because she’s leaning in to talk to you. _

_Did she just run her hand through her hair? _

_I’m up and moving towards you before I know what’s happening. _

_I look the woman up and down as I approach. Of course she’s attractive, in a bland, symmetrical, ‘I have all the signifiers to make men realize I’m fertile, and gagging for it’ kind of way- if you *like* that sort of thing. _

_But not in my league, honey. Not even close. _

_Don’t enter this ring without being prepared to lose *hard*, sweetheart... _

_I give her a friendly smile. Of course anyone who knows I’m the farthest thing from friendly, knows this smile is something to fear. _

_“Oh, what have we here, a new friend? What’s your name, darling?” I ask, sipping my drink. For now, my gay social butterfly persona is firmly in place._

_Alexander is nothing but genial. Underneath, Moriarty is *seething*..._

Oh. You've seen the woman - and you are coming over? What? Going to tell me off for getting distracted? I'm not - you should know better than that. I'm just blending in while keeping an eye on you - someone standing alone in the corner all night is suspicious.

You smile your piranha smile. What's she done now?!

"Simone," she smiles, holding out her hand. You - no, Alexander - kisses it. I do _not_ roll my eyes.

"Enchanté," you smile. "Do you know Sebastian?"

You're acting awfully possessive, _darling_. Simone looks at us slightly puzzled - she's seen you and Alice together and me alone, but now Alice is at the bar and you are claiming me –

yeah, it confuses me too, honey.

Alistair is making his way back with drinks, frowns when he doesn't see you, then spots you and makes his way over to us, his face carefully neutral. He doesn't know what to think of the situation either.

_“Oh, Alistair! Look who I just met!” I chirp. “It’s Simone from that show, you know the one I mean - the cooking competition. Simone de Beauvoir...” I say in a jaunty French accent. _

_I have to try so hard not to laugh at her confused expression. _

_“No - Simone *Beaumont*. And I co-host an *entertainment news* show,” she corrects me. _

_“Oh, did I -“ I cover my face, then lower my hands to look at her. “How ridiculous of me... As if *anyone* could confuse you for a philosopher. But you’re familiar with her, of course...”_

_She looks blank. _

_You raise an eyebrow, with a subtle ‘what the hell do you think you’re doing’ look on your face. _

_Alistair clears his throat. “She was a writer and existential philosopher. She wrote about social issues, particularly about women’s issues. And she was romantically involved with Sartre.” _

_“Correct!” I exclaim with delight, smiling at Alistair and then at Simone. “Entertainment news sounds fulfilling, too,” I say kindly. “And probably a lot more fun! On that note, enough of those silly existentialists trying to help humanity cope with a futile universe! Simone, darling - Alistair’s organization develops shows for streaming channels. Why don’t you two chat for a moment while I discuss work with Sebastian...”_

_I pluck my Prosecco flute from Alistair’s hand, just as Simone sidles up to him, a hungry look in her eyes. Then I take you by the arm and lead you to another table. _

_“*What* a lovely lady. I don’t need to concern myself about you being distracted on the job, do I Sebastian?” I ask sweetly._

What the fuck Jim. What are you playing at.

"Of course not," I say, peeved. "Have you ever known me to get distracted on the job? I'm blending in - unless you'd prefer me to chase everyone away and conspicuously hover over you and your date all night?"

You've never challenged my professionalism before. It stings.

_"Is there really a need for this incessant sarcasm, Sebastian?" I sigh theatrically. "I simply want to be sure that 'blending in' didn't entail dry-humping our new friend the philosopher. It would be *very* distracting..." I say, smiling sweetly and draining my flute. _

_"And how many times must I tell you... it's *not a date*?" I say through gritted teeth._

Oh. My. God.

You are _jealous_.

You are pretty much throwing yourself at Alice and I am being told off for being spoken to by a lady. And this is a _gay bar_. Presumably if I had had the nerve to be addressed by a gentleman I would have been in even _more_ trouble.

"Sir. My sole purpose here is to guard you from anything untoward happening to you. I assumed it would be better to blend in, rather than ostentatiously looming over you at all times. If that's what you prefer, though, I will refrain from making conversation for the rest of the night, and remain at my observation post. Though that might make your not-date uncomfortable, and he might not show his entire hand.

Sir."

_Oh. I *see*. You're schooling me, are you? As to how *irrational* and *unfair* I'm being? And... *unprofessional*??_

_Well. You are *lucky* I have to keep this Alexander persona in place. Because if Jim shows his face in this club... there's no coming back from that. _

_"Sebastian... honey..." I murmur. "I'm aware of what your purpose is. *You're* aware of what your purpose is. The only one who's *not* aware of what your purpose is at the moment is Alistair... because of the little looks he's already got from you. *Trust* me, he has noticed. Now. I really should be getting back to him before this deal falls apart... which would disappoint me terribly. You and I will have our cocktails, whether it's tonight, or *another night*." I gaze up at you meaningfully. "Alright, darling?"_

_There. Alexander is the bloody *picture* of sweetness and light. _

_Now fuck off, Sebastian... and let me have some *fun*._

That's what you get when you use your stone-faced dealing with superiors voice Seb.

You get superiors being annoyed and telling you off.

And being _utterly_ unreasonable. You came to tell me off because you were unhappy with me speaking to someone else. And now you're chiding me for looking at your Alice wrong. Come _off_ it Moriarty...

But that's fine. I'm nothing if not used to people telling me off for something else than what they're actually pissed off about.

"Of course, _Sir_." I reply, my face neutral, staring straight ahead.

My heart, meanwhile, is racing.

We will have our cocktails. Tonight or another night.

Another night.

Meaning that tonight - you'll have your cocktails somewhere else?

_What is that look on your face? *Longing*?_

_Oh, Sebastian... I always suspected this side of you, but what are you *thinking*? Of all the people to *feel* something for... _

_And also - why am I still here with you??_

_I glance back at Alistair - he's still chatting with a very enthusiastic Simone. But he's glancing at me too, raising his eyebrows questioningly. I nod at him, give him a flirty little wave. _

_I look back at you. "We - enjoyed ourselves, Sebastian. And we will again..." I say reassuringly. _

_Jesus. Alexander is terribly sweet for a tramp and a tease... _

_"No one under the sun can fuck me like you do, honey..." I say in a breathy voice. My tongue darts out over my lips, and I shoot you a steamy look as I walk back to Alistair._

What. The. Actual. Fuck. Moriarty.

Talk about mixed signals. Here I am _desperately trying_ to keep myself _entirely_ professional, and then _first_ you barge in because you’re jealous of me talking to someone else, _then_ you tell me off for looking at your date funny, and to top it off you bring up _fucking_ and tell me no one can fuck you like I do - a breath after you tell me that what we do is only for fun.

I _know_ that!! I’ve been telling myself that! Just now! And I was utterly and completely acting accordingly!

_So why did you come over here and bring that up!?!_ What stupid cruel game are you playing?! Keep Sebastian away from other people, make sure he is completely focussed on Lex and Liz’s flirtations, then remind him quickly of how great our sex life is, and then go off to throw myself at someone else?!

_What_ did I _ever_ do to you, James Fucking Moriarty?!

I grit my teeth, try not to scowl, lean back in my seat, watch you and Alistair say goodbye to Simone, who walks off, thank god.

Right. Sit here and watch the show, soldier. You’re going to _love_ it.

_I leave you behind, feeling unsettled. _

_Which is *not right*..._

_Normally it would give me immense pleasure to play with someone like that - the feeling of batting someone's feelings between my paws is unlike anything else. _

_Oh god... does Alexander have a *moral compass*? Shit. I did *not* see that coming... sometimes characters surprise me. Unexpected qualities and feelings come out of the woodwork, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm too committed to embodying the character, come hell or high water. _

_Alex, darling... you'll make it up to Sebastian later, alright? Right now, you have to focus on Alistair. *Al-is-tair*. The attractive posh man in front of you with all the prestige and influence... staring at you like a silver platter of tenderloin is floating towards him..._

_I slide onto my seat, place my elbows on the table, and my face resting on my hands. _

_"Alistair..." I purr. "I'm dreadfully sorry for making you wait. Something came up that had to be addressed - business, you understand..."_

_"Of course I understand," he reassures me. "When you reach a certain level, business is like a ravenous beast that's never satiated... you have to feed it and monitor it constantly, or it will wreak havoc."_

_"So true... and it's lovely to be with someone who *understands* that. Otherwise, it's all 'are you going to work the entire weekend' and 'you should take some time off' and 'don't you ever want to have fun?'" _

_"Yes, exactly!" he says, warming up to the topic, "And they don't see that when you're absorbed in your work, you *are* having fun..."_

_"Of course, it can be nice to take a break from work occasionally... like tonight," I say innocently. "I'm having *so* much fun already..." _

_"Mmm..." he says, leaning in. "Just imagine how much fun we'll be having by the end of the night..." He slides his fingers over my hand holding the Prosecco flute. "I hope I'm not speaking out of turn... you must know how attractive I find you..."_

_There's that unsettled feeling again... all I can think of is *you* seeing Alistair touch my hand. I fight back my urge to glance in your direction. Alexander, you pretty idiot... *don't* fuck this *up*. _

_"The feeling is mutual, I assure you..." I murmur, and slide my hand over Alistair's._

You sit back down, smiling at your date.

You _chat_ and _laugh_ and understand each other so well!!! Oh, what a lovely night we are all having!!!

Stop.

Zoom in.

Fingers.

Slender, manicured, soft - fingers.

On your fingers.

_Touching_ you.

My entire body tenses.

_Nobody_ touches you. Them's the rules. I am here to make sure that nobody touches you.

_I_ touch you, occasionally. Under strictly controlled circumstances. I most certainly do _not_ slide my calloused tanned fingers over yours.

And you most certainly do not, then, slide your hand over mine.

Like you are now doing with Alistair.

Touching him. Gently. Sweetly.

Looking at him with what can only be described as bedroom eyes.

Looking for all the world like he is the most beautiful, interesting, sexy man you've ever met.

Smiling at him.

I feel a lump in my throat and a stone in my stomach.

I finish my beer.

Fuck this. If I'm to sit here and watch this, I need something stronger.

I walk to the bar and order a double whisky, keeping one eye on you two, much as I'd rather not.

_Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement. I know it’s you. Just as I know you’re fuming. _

_What did I tell you about distracting me, Tiger? Er - *Sebastian*. _

_‘Tiger’ is one of *Jim’s* pet names for you. For this evening, Jim has left the building. _

_Do you recall that, Sebastian?? No, instead of the mission, you're focused on yourself!_

_“Do you smoke, Alexander?” Alistair asks in a silky, intimate voice. _

_“On occasion...” I purr. Suddenly an image springs to mind of sharing a post-coital cigarette - not with Alistair in a posh penthouse - but with *you*, with your frayed clothing in a heap on the floor. Fuck’s *sake*, Alexander... why are you doing this?? _

_“Do you want to come out with me for a fag?” he asks, invitingly. “We could look at the stars...”_

_“Oh, you go... I’ll wait here for you, darling...” I chirp. “I’ll get us another round...”_

_Alistair looks surprised, but smiles at me as he leaves. As soon as he disappears from view, I make a beeline to your table. _

_“Sebastian, I can feel you *sulking* from two tables away...” I say archly. _

_Why. The Fuck. Am. I. Here. _

_“Why are you in a snit, exactly?” I ask in a lazy voice. “It’s a perfectly pleasant place, you have a drink in your hand, and nobody’s shooting at you... Stop looking so surly,” I murmur, rubbing my finger along the rim of the glass._

As I make my way back with my whisky, Alice is holding up cigarettes. Oh great. You're going to go out for a smoke, have a nice grope behind the bike shed, before calling a taxi and heading off somewhere more private. And I'm going to witness the groping, because I am your fucking bodyguard so I don't let you go outside without adult supervision.

To my surprise, you shake your head smiling ruefully. Oh - this persona doesn't smoke?

And then du moment that Alistair is gone, you come over to me looking not happy. What did I do _now_!?

You - can _feel_ me sulking?! What's that supposed to mean?

"I'm aware of all this, Sir. You've made all that clear several times already. I am sorry you feel required to come here to tell me off every fifteen minutes, but I really don't know what more I can do."

_I narrow my eyes at you. What are you playing at? Your words are strictly professional, but your *tone*... you're stiff as a board, and not in the way I like._

_It sounds like someone got used to fucking his boss, and doesn't like it when said boss is paying attention to someone else... do I have that right, Sebbie? *Sebastian*, I correct myself furiously. _

_If I were being *Jim*, none of this would be an issue... _

_*Alexander* is clearly far too attuned to Sebastian's feelings, and Alistair's feelings, and everybody's bloody feelings!!_

_And if Alexander doesn't watch it, he will be retired when this is over... _

_"Sebastian," I say slowly and emphatically, like I'm explaining something to a child. "Don't get all huffy because you think I don't see your professionalism. I see everything," I snap. "Which is why I'm suggesting that there's also something else there... something from the 'being in a snit' category." I pause to see how you're digesting this, but you remain silent, watching me closely._

_"But let me just remind you that this is not an evening out on the town for *us*..." I stare at you haughtily. "It's work. And *sometimes* work can be very enjoyable... and involves providing a pleasurable night out for a potential partner." I rise slowly, and turn around, swaying to the music. I gaze at you intently. _

_"Which I think you'll agree I'm *very* good at..." I whisper, and lick my lips._

_Then I turn and walk away from the VIP section to the dance floor. _

Move like you stole it,

Move, hurry,

Move like you stole it,

Make your move on me

_I raise my face to the coloured lights, and my arms float up hypnotically. _

You better do it like it's twenty-five to life,

Two steps from the yard,

One man behind bars,

Move on, move on, move on me,

Better get your move on like you stole something

_I run my hands lightly over my suit, and toss my hair back. _

You better do it like the sky just caught on fire,

Take me in your arms,

Ring the alarm,

Move on, move on, move on me

_The music moves through me, and I lose all sense of who I am, and why I'm here. Alistair is forgotten... Alexander is forgotten..._

_there's just the lights flashing, the music throbbing, the sweaty bodies pulsing to the beat... and the searing gaze of a bodyguard gripping his glass as he watches me dance._

I am getting just about ready to fucking _deck_ you, Boss.

How am I supposed to be doing my job if you come and have a go at me every few minutes? You can _feel_ me being in a snit? Well - what can I do about that? Stop sending out snitty vibes?? Reduce the snittiness in my aura? What the fuck are you _on_ about?

Wait - pleasurable night out - for a potential -

_partner_?

What do you mean - partner??

Like - a business partner, right?

_Right??_

You say something else, something suggestive, lick your lips, and walk off, as I'm left dumbstruck on my chair.

I'd never considered.

Never.

Of course never considered.

Jim.

You're Jim Moriarty.

You wouldn't.

_But what about Alexander?_ a treacherous little voice inside me wants to know.

Alexander isn't real.

_Isn't he? Look at him..._

I look at the dance floor, where you are being - magnificent. Making love to the spotlight like only you can; giving shape to the music.

Fuck, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen...

And Alice seems to think so too - he's come back in and is standing at the edge of the raised VIP area staring at you spellbound.

_partner?_

I can't imagine you - Jim - impossible -

But then, you eat the impossible for breakfast -

How well do I know you? _Really_ know the real you?

_Enter Second Player. Now there are two sets of eyes on me (amidst the many from the faceless crowd). _

_Alistair leans against a post and stares at me with a hungry smile, as I put on a show - only it's not just for him. I don't know what Alexander is doing, but he seems captivated with Sebastian's reactions this evening... ah well, can't hurt to have a little fun. Sebbie's a big boy, he can take it... it's not like this means anything... although Alistair is surprisingly appealing. _

Wait, wake up in the morning to the clear blue sky

Turn up the music when I hop in the ride

The windows down let the whole world see

Can't nobody rock it like the little old me

I'm the bomb and I'm 'bout to blow up

I'm the bomb and I'm 'bout to blow up

_Alistair has started dancing too, and is directing his movements towards me - oooh, *also* a good dancer? Nicely put together, Alistair..._

Wait, 1 for the money and a 2 for the show

But 3 to be a legend even if I'm poor

I ain't chasin' nothin' you gon' have to catch me

And if you wanna taste you gon' have to pay a fee

_I make a come-hither movement with my finger, and Alistair obliges me. Within a moment, we're dancing together seamlessly. He slides his arms around my waist, and I smile up at him coyly. _

_This night is everything I was looking for... flirtation, fun, and being desired... only... something's missing. _

_I glance at you, despite my determination not to. You're staring at me in disbelief. _

I'm the bomb and I'm 'bout to blow up

I'm the bomb and I'm 'bout to blow up

_I look away, feeling uneasy. What was that look in your eye? I've seen it before. As Jim, it gets ignored. As Alexander... I should probably do the same... I feel a twinge of something. What the fuck. What's that *feeling* - that one there._

_*Guilt?*_

_Well, that's bloody upsetting... Alexander you can sod off with your fecking feelings... _

_Just then Alistair leans in. Thinking he's going to say something, I echo his movement, and suddenly I realize he's angling for a kiss. He gazes at me, and I stare back in surprise, and suddenly his lips are on mine, and Alexander is kissing him back. I don't do a lot of kissing, unless it's dominating and aggressive. Alexander did enjoy kissing Sebastian, though - very much. Jesus. Don't think about that now. _

_Alistair's arms are tightening around me. He's taller than me, and very fit but lean. _

_"I hope you know..." he murmurs in my ear. "There's no way you're getting out of my clutches now..." He gives me a devilish smile, and I laugh. My heart is beating faster. It's all I can do not to look at you._

Oh great.

He's moving over to dance _with_ you.

And he can fucking dance. Of course he can.

_I_ can dance too, you know, Jim.

No, you don't know, because you've never _asked_ me. Nor have I been in a situation where I could demonstrate it.

And now you're all over fucking Alice with his hip thrusts.

And now his arms are around your waist like two slimy snakes.

And now you're smiling at him like he's the realization of all your dreams.

And then.

His pasty plastic face.

Leaning towards you.

And you.

Kiss.

Him.

I've never seen you kiss anyone. You don't often kiss me. And definitely not like you're kissing him, sinuously melting into his arms, slowly moving to the music, your face turned up towards his, eyes closed -

A vision -

Alistair's head against the railing around the dance floor, bits of blood and brain flying out from a broken skull as I drop his ragdoll body, then seize you, and grab you into a _proper_ kiss...

_Leave it out, Moran_.

Keep an eye on them. Is Alistair doing anything untoward?

_Like kissing Jim!?_

_Like_ putting his hand in his pocket and taking out a needle. _Like_ putting his hand in Jim's pocket. _Like_ sliding something into Jim's pocket. You know what to look for.

He's your boss. You protect him.

From _danger_.

Not from stupid decisions.

A sting in my hand. I look down - the whisky that was in the glass is stinging the cut that was made by me breaking the glass squeezing.

Damn.

I reach into my pocket for a handkerchief, push it onto the cut.

Look back at the dance floor.

_The song draws to an end, and Alistair stares at me - I see lust, affection, intrigue, and... possessiveness? *Already*, darling? Alexander has made *quite* an impression... _

_Alistair grabs me by the hand, and pulls me towards the VIP section. Under the watchful eye of my security, we sit back down at the table. _

_"What are you like, Alexander... in bed?" Alistair whispers. "If it's not too bold of me to ask, or... assume..." _

_"I'm-" why is this difficult? Alexander is an utter tramp. Tell him he's a bottom and be done with it..._

_"Top." _

_I look at him, and he leans in, and rests his chin on his hand._

_"Do *tell*... he purrs. _

_"Power top..." I growl, staring intently at him. "BDSM - the real thing. No safewords."_

_ "Oh my..." he whispers. "Where *have* you been hiding, Alexander..."_

_I see it all happening, like a film streaming before my eyes - _

_we go to his place. I don't have any equipment there, but I suspect Alistair will have something I can use. _

_I engage in my proclivities... Alistair surprises me - he can take it and even enjoys it. _

_I top him, fuck him, he screams for more._

_Afterwards, we discuss business in bed while putting a dent in his wine cellar... a deal is struck._

_In the morning, we celebrate by engaging in an epic fuckfest... _

_When I return home... _

_When I return... _

_What. What happens then, Alexander. _

_I see... Sebastian..._

_There's a hollow pit in my stomach as I see the next part of the story unfolding..._

_You don't look me in the eye... you make an excuse and leave. _

_I ignore you._

_You return later that day. Drunk. Desperate._

_You try to get my attention. _

_I'm cruel, and push you away. _

_There's pain in your eyes. _

_I have to shut down to not be affected by it. _

_A gap opens up between us. And every time I get together with my new business partner Alistair, the gap grows larger. And larger. And larger. _

_We begin to argue. A lot._

_I go away on business trips with Alistair to get away from your constant feelings and demands. Every time I return, your eyes are haunted... _

_..._

_My mind goes blank._

_"Alexander?" _

_I look up in a daze. Alistair leans in and kisses me. "My place?" he asks invitingly._

Ohhhh aren’t we getting cosy and sweet. Holding hands! Leaning towards each other whispering sweet nothings! Licking lips! Staring into each other’s eyes... kissing...

Fuck. This.

I’m not going to stand here and look at this.

You can’t leave him alone Sebastian.

I’m not going to go into Alistair’s bedroom with him am I? What does it matter when I leave?

You are his bodyguard. You guard him. End of story.

Until where? Do I stand outside, listening to the moans from within? Waiting for you to come back out, freshly from the shower, your eyes gleaming, a hickey in your neck?

He leans in, kisses you again.

This is ridiculous.

If he were dangerous, or if there were anyone with him, we’d have spotted it by now.

He’s just horny.

I’ll tell Freddy the driver to keep an eye on things.

I stomp out, not looking back.

_Ah. Yes. This *is* what all this was leading towards, after all. I mean, I knew there was the *possibility* it would go this way..._

_So why do I feel like dragging my feet?_

_Is it because... _

_no. _

_NoNo*No*... _

_Sebastian is *separate* to all this... this is *work*, nothing more, nothing less._

_It's just that things get a bit grey and smudgy where Alexander is concerned... _

_He *likes* people... He could see himself dating Alistair, I realize with a surprise..._

_if Sebastian wasn't in the picture..._

_What the fuck does that have to do with anything...? _

_"Alex?" Alistair murmurs, and kisses me again. _

_"Yes?" I respond, blinking at him. _

_"Come home with me..." he whispers, stroking my jaw. _

_I look back at where Sebastian is watching me, only he's not. Watching me. He's not there... _

_I'm relieved until I realize I don't know where he is. Toilets? Having a smoke? _

_"Just give me a moment... I need to have a quick word with my security," I mumble, and duck out to the toilets. No sign of Sebastian. I call the driver to see if he's seen him or heard from him. When he tells me he *left*, my mouth falls open. _

_He *what*? I hang up without speaking. _

_He left me *alone*? I stare off for a long moment, then my eyes narrow. Furiously I send a text: _

Finishing work early, are you?

Fine. Then we're all off the clock. Xo

_<Send>_

_I storm back to the VIP section, where Alistair is checking his phone. I grab him and kiss him heatedly._

_“I assume you have a car waiting for you?” I growl. “Let's go..." _

_His eyes widen at the change in Alexander’s demeanour. “Yes, Sir..." he murmurs, and ushers me to the door._


	6. Don't Mess with Me

I stomp out of the side door, head to Freddy, tell him to keep an eye on the Boss, as I'm off. He looks surprised, but knows better than to ask questions.

I walk around the corner, two blocks through the slight drizzle, and slow down.

_Did you leave your post, soldier?_

Fuck that. I'd have to leave soon anyway - what was I going to do, sit in the front of the car with the two of them canoodling in the back? All I did was leave before the end of the performance in the bar - I wasn't all too thrilled with the show, anyway.

_You left him. You left him alone._

He's a grown man. He'll be fine. And he's got _Alistair_...

_You have one job. Jim is not your lover, not your boyfriend, not your partner, or even your friend - he's your Boss. He's your mission. And you just left your mission prematurely._

Hardly.

_You deserted._

Fuck off.

I notice that my feet have turned and I'm walking back to the bar. A text alert sounds - shit. You've spotted me gone.

What does that mean - _off the clock_?

What does _Xo_ mean?

My feet are moving really quite fast now back to the bar. I try to get back in through the side door but of course it's locked. Cursing, I make my way back to the front. Fortunately I have my own ID and I wasn't just coasting on your company.

When I get in, I know the VIP dais will be empty.

It is.

Freddy was still outside, so you've left in Alistair's car.

To Alistair's house.

_In the car, Alistair is trying to kiss me more... _

_"Down, boy..." I murmur, checking my phone. He grins, sits back, and strokes my thighs. _

_I'm not in the mood to *kiss* when I'm feeling *feelings* - not just one, but *several*..._

_angry... _

_let down..._

_confused..._

_and *hurt*??_

_How the fuck - did this happen??_

_Alexander has cocked things up royally, yes... but regardless of this, Sebastian is in *big trouble*... _

_Well. He's not *here* for me to rail at and break things and whip him bloody. So there's only one thing I know how to do when I’m feeling out of control like this... I'm going to act out *spectacularly*. _

_I shove my phone in my pocket, and leap at Alistair, who is quick to respond, and soon we're tussling in his backseat. _

_This will serve you right, Sebastian... I have not had non-work-related sex since we started our dalliance... _

_This started out being about work. _

_Now it's about revenge._

_(How dare you make me feel this way? How dare you *leave*??)_

_I slide my tongue into Alistair's mouth, and rip his shirt open. Buttons go flying, Alistair moans, and I yank off his jacket and shirt._

I stand and stare around the club, knowing what I won't find. You're not in a corner kissing. You're not on the dancefloor shining. The place is crowded but reverberates with emptiness.

I make my way out the door again, lean against the wall, light up.

Now what?

Well - Jim's off with his new 'partner'. I'm free to do what I want.

What I want.

Two coal-black eyes boring into mine, forcing me to my knees, my mouth opening as my hair is being grabbed.

Two pale, strong, veined hands tying mine to a hook in the ceiling before pain draws moans, groans, and eventually screams from me.

Two slim but muscular arms drawing me close in the dark of night when there are no rules and no supervision.

Fuck this Sebastian - Jim is not your _whole life_.

_Isn't he?_

Go and do something fun without him. Go back into that club, go dancing. You love dancing, you're good at it.

_The music's shit._

Then go to another club. Have a night out. When's the last time you had a night out?

_When Jim and I were-_

With_out_ Jim.

_Over a year ago, I guess. Have a drink, dance, go home with some pretty boy._

What's wrong with that?

_Ugh._

Freddy walks over, wants to know if he can take me anywhere. I'm in the mood for a dive bar but am hardly dressed for one. I tell him to take me to the City; I can get lost between the hard-drinking bankers.

_Alistair is pushing me down into the seat, and I grab him by the shoulders, digging my nails into his skin. _

_"I said *down, boy*..." I hiss, and push him back. We stare at each other, panting. _

_"This will go better at your place... let's not have our first time in a car..." I purr. _

_He smiles indulgently and sits back. "If you insist..." he drawls. _

_"Sorry about your shirt..." I say airily. "So. Let's talk business..."_

_Alistair's eyes widen. "Really?"_

_"Well we need something to distract us..." I coo, then launch into my proposal. _

_Alistair seems amused at first, but then as I go on, his business side takes over. For the rest of the ride, we discuss, argue, negotiate, and by the time we arrive at his place, we're shaking hands. _

_"Pleasure doing business with you, Mr Wood. I'm sure your employer will be pleased with our arrangement..." He grins, and steps out of the car._

_I follow to the front door of the building. "I'm sure he'll be delirious with joy..." _

_He escorts me across the plush lobby to the private elevator. "Well, you go ahead and send the details to your boss, as I *know* you want to... I'll send the basics to my lawyer, and then go looking for that champagne I've been saving for a special occasion..."_

_On the elevator ride up, we kiss some more. Alistair is surprisingly pleasant - but then, Alexander has different standards. When he backs me into the front door of the flat, I pull away and request directions to the toilet. _

_"Don't worry, you look gorgeous..." he says with a seductive smile. _

_"I'm well aware," I say archly, and he laughs and points me in the direction of the guest toilet on the main floor. _

_The flat is posh and elegantly furnished, just as expected. When the door closes behind me, I stare at myself long and hard in the mirror. It's like a stranger is staring back at me._

_It feels off to be here... I don't think I like it. Maybe we should have gone to my place... but then... no. Sebastian. _

_I wince at my reflection. I hear ‘How could you do this to him?’ and stare at myself wide-eyed. _

_"Alexander, you have a very specific role here tonight..." I hiss quietly. "Being my moral compass is not it. Neither is managing my relationship with Sebastian..."_

_I feel imprisoned in my own gaze. Black pools stare back at me sadly. _

_‘You hurt him,’ I hear, and I shake my head, breaking eye contact with myself. _

_"Fuck off," I snap, and turn away. I take a piss, then wash my hands while avoiding looking in the mirror. But when I splash cold water in my face, I can't help noticing the accusing look in my eyes. _

_Angrily, I wipe my hands. This persona is difficult to rein in... a bloody agent of chaos is what he is, to talk to me this way... to make me *feel* this way... _

_I storm from the room, and find myself alone in the living room. _

_"I'm just in my office," Alistair calls out. "E-mailing my lawyer... make yourself at home!"_

_I throw myself on the sofa, and look at my phone. Nothing from Sebastian... where the fuck is he??_

Freddy drops me off near Liverpool Street station. I tell him to knock off; I'll get home on my own.

I walk past pubs overflowing with drunk traders, make my way down one which seems slightly less heaving and head to the bar, order a pint and a whisky, make my way to a corner, stare at a guy until he gets off his seat, sit down, knock back the whisky, make a dent in the beer.

I give it two minutes.

I take another large swig of beer.

A group of guys with flustered faces, their ties hanging loose around their necks, their shirts unbuttoned slightly more than decent, most of them without their jackets, bluster their way through the bar. I finish my beer.

"Hey, twatface. What's your problem?" guy #1 wants to know. The guy whose seat I'm keeping warm is behind him.

Don't grin, Sebastian. If you grin you'll scare them.

"What!?" I call back at them.

"This is our pub, mate. You go drink somewhere else," seat boy makes a gesture with his thumb.

"I'm alright here, thanks."

His fist makes an arc so gigantic I would have had time to roll a cigarette waiting for it. Instead I dash up and punch his unprotected stomach, making him fold double. His friend makes a move for me and I hit his jaw, knocking him sideways. The three guys behind them try to come up to me at the same time, making wonderfully satisfying one-two-three targets for left, right, and left fists. Seat guy is grabbing my jacket - no mate, that was expensive. I dash my elbow back, connecting with his face. I see blood spatter - shit. Another visit to the dry cleaner.

The good thing about drunk guys is that they hate giving up, so two of them try to get a swing in, allowing me two more satisfyingly hard punches.

Come on. Come on guys, a bit more.

They're all standing back and I haven't come near to expending a satisfying amount of aggression yet. I move towards one of them when I notice blue lights from the corner of my eye - fuck - already?

Must be full of rich guys. I dash out the fire door into an alley leading to some bins, use the containers to get over a wall to another alley, run a small distance, get out into a back street.

_I'm looking at Alistair's books, mostly non-fiction intellectual fare. That's what you do in these situations, isn't it... You're supposed to be all intrigued and fascinated by the other person, and you want to know more about them. You look for clues to who they are, you long to pierce the mystery... _

_Only - as I read the titles, I feel flat. I certainly don't feel like being drawn deeper into this 'mystery'. Will I feel different if I fuck him? After all, that's what happened with Sebastian..._

_My hand covers my mouth. _

_No. _

_That was *play*. _

_He's my sexy bodyguard, that's *all*. I like to do things to him, to his body... It was only with my persona that I let things start to get flirty and *playful*... and then I let him do things to *me*... _

_Things got out of hand, that's all._

_I've run into this before with personae... I allow it because it feels like letting off steam from life as my real self, which let's face it, is no bloody cakewalk... only sometimes I get carried away, escaping from myself - I get lost in the character, and there's a fear that I'll never want to return... like letting go of a balloon... or opening the door to a paddock, and watching the animals disappear over the horizon._

_Then I have to lure myself back, which is no easy feat. _

_Back into the cage of my existence. _

_But I've done it before, and I can do it now. _

_I *have* to do this. I can't be thinking about my bodyguard *that way*..._

_But if I fuck Alistair...it will break the spell. Give Alexander someone else to be flirty with... and then I'll rein him in. _

_And I already know things won't be the same with Sebastian after... but it's for the best. This thing between us has been getting out of hand for a while now... time to put a stop to it. _

_But why do I feel... *sad*? We don't feel sad about our *pets*, they fulfil a very specific purpose. _

_I realize my phone is in my hand. I look down at a half-written message and my eyes widen._

_My mouth tightens, and I finish writing in a rush and hit send. _

Disappointed, darling!

No one surrenders, bleeds, screams like a Tiger...

But all things end, after all...

MEMENTO MORI

_I stare a long moment at my phone. Whatever Alexander is attempting to do at this point in the game, it's too little, too late... I'm already here, so I know what's going to happen..._

_even though it will destroy *everything*. It needs to be done... the thing I have never been able to do... _

_Alistair comes downstairs a few moments later, kisses me languorously._

_"Be right back with champagne, gorgeous..." he murmurs. _

_Yes. This attachment needs to be... severed. And Alistair's the way to do it..._

I look at my face in a car mirror. A few splatters of blood, which I wipe away with a handkerchief. Some on my hands, which are wipeable, but some on my right shirt cuff, which are not. I push the cuff under my jacket for now.

Fuck pubs and their mini glasses. I need more than that right now.

As I'm heading to an off-licence my phone buzzes.

What -

What the fuck does that message mean.

I get a bottle of cheap gut-rot that reminds me of old days - not quite the cheapest though. I’m fucked up enough without memories of my teens. This is the stuff we used to knock back in uni. It’s an acquired taste, but I loved it.

I climb over a fence into a park, find a bench without anyone sleeping on it who might want a share of my whisky, and set to drinking.

One problem with drinking to forget is that you have that awkward period where you are all alone with your regrets and not enough alcohol inside you yet.

The park is dark, and the pictures clearly display against the black foliage.

Your body on the bed when I came back from Canada. Your eyes filled with hunger. Hunger for me.

Your dismissive mood this afternoon. Nothing new. But -

Your jealousy this evening when Simone came and talked with me.

And then your constant telling off because you ‘felt’ that _I_ was jealous.

Was I?

Of course not - you do what you want; I’m just the bodyguard...

But I’m _not_, am I? Who fucks their bodyguard?

Well - lots of people do. It’s the close proximity and stuff.

But - who fucks their bodyguard enthusiastically for a year without ever discussing it? We never talked about - well we talked about fucking a lot. But never about what it means.

Because it doesn’t _mean_ anything! You’re just two consenting adults having fun!

Yeah...

Sebastian.

Mmmm.

You _are_, aren’t you?

I look at the bottle. I’ve emptied a quarter. And I had some before. Is it at brutal honesty level yet?

I sigh, take another swig, look at the rhododendron beside me, decide it’s as good a friend as any to confide in.

“It’s him, you know?” I think at the shrub, who radiates patient understanding. “He’s just - he’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. Or heard about. He’s not like anyone on earth.

He’s brilliant, absolutely brilliant. He’ll think up these crazy schemes, absolutely mental, and he’ll just - pull them off, like it’s the simplest thing in the world. And he’ll sit there grinning as I sit in awe and I just want to jump him, you know?”

The rhododendron knows.

“And it’s not just the sex - I mean, the sex is out of this world, like nothing any mortal human could ever pull off... fuck, it’s good... but! But what I mean is - there’s something about _him_. He’ll look at you and just dissect you so accurately and mercilessly, and then he’ll use that knowledge to take you to heaven, or hell, or both, in a crazy crazy night...

And he’s only done that with me! That’s the thing!” I sigh, take out my phone, stare at the message. What does it mean?

“Why is he disappointed? What is he disappointed about?? What does that mean, no one surrenders like a Tiger? Does he mean he liked me best?? But then what does _All things end, after all_ mean?! Does that mean - we’re ended?!”

I say the last bit out loud, start at the sound of my own voice.

The rhododendron answers with a rustle of its leaves.

“And _why_?!” I mutter to the plant. “What did I _do_?! I did everything for him - everything! Memento mori - I’d have died for him! What does he want?! What the fuck does he _want_?!”

I’m crying now. “It’s not fair! I’ve given him my heart and soul and he just casts me aside when a prettier specimen arrives!”

I hear the words echo back to me.

_heart and soul_

Bit melodramatic, Seb?

_Fuck_ melodramatic!

You don’t have a heart _or_ a soul, remember?

Don’t I? Am I not human? If you cut me, do I not bleed?

... now you’re definitely getting melodramatic.

“Yeah, alright. But. The point is. I give him _everything_ and he gives me _nothing_!”

The Ferrari. The Tiger. The M16. The Macallan. This very suit.

The look on his face as he sees me unwrap the gift.

“I don’t want expensive gifts! I want him!!”

I’m properly crying now. “I just want him. I don’t care if he wants to shag other people. I just don’t want him to discard me. To end it.”

_But what did you expect,_ the rhododendron asks. _What happens to soldiers who leave their posts?_

_When Alistair returns with a magnum of champagne, he's smiling oh so seductively. What are you playing at, my dear? Alexander is a sure thing... _

_"Trying to get me drunk?" I say coyly. I accept the champagne flute and tuck my legs up on the sofa, looking saucy. _

_"Maybe just tipsy... and would you blame me?" he says playfully, and pops the cork. _

_I make the requisite noise of surprise and delight at the jarring sound, and one of amusement at the bubbling liquid pouring into my glass, and over the rim onto my hand. _

_"Oh! My apologies... let me just get that for you..." he grins. Transferring the flute to my other hand, he takes my wet hand, and licks the foaming liquid from my fingers. _

_"Oh are you that eager to get your mouth on me, Alistair darling..." 'I say lazily. "You don't have to douse me in Veuve Clicquot for that..." _

_"What if I want to douse you in Veuve Cliquot," he replies in a throaty voice and leans in to kiss along my neck. "And then worship you shamelessly..."_

_Jaysus... Alexander has really got to the dear boy. And as much as I liked the idea of spending an evening being lusted after and desired, for some reason something is... *off*..._

_"Well. That does sound delightfully... wet. But let's not forget, darling... *I'm* calling the shots tonight..." I coo, and push his head back. _

_"Of course," he murmurs, his eyes hungering for me. "Whatever you want, Alexander... I'm here to service you..." _

_"Well, then... stop straining at the leash. Or I'll put one on you," I say severely, enjoying the look of shock on his face, then slow delight._

_"Just sit there and drink your champagne, my dear... and don't lunge at me again, if you know what's good for you..." I caress his face, then smack it sharply._

_He lowers his eyes, then looks up mischievously. "Absolutely, Sir..."_

_I turn my face away and drink my champagne. This would have been intriguing once, I realize. Why is it not doing anything for me?? _

_Because his reactions are promising, but... but... they're not..._

_*Sebastian's*..._

_I close my eyes, and exhale slowly. Fuck. Well. This is atrocious. But like anything, it will just take discipline. _

_"Take off your shirt," I say. "And I'll need something to restrain a lascivious business magnate. Rope. Handcuffs. Neckties. Whatever you have - bring it to me."_

_Alistair stands, pulls off his ripped shirt, and throws it to the floor. Then with a wink, he heads upstairs._

_I stare after him - his tall, lean, muscled body. It's bloody hot, and not all what I want underneath me... _

_I groan, then toss back my champagne. Angrily I pour myself another glass, and drain it. _

_"Sebastian, you *fucker*..." I mutter. I am *not* attached to anyone or anything... and I can *do* this... hear me?? And when I do, your hold on me will be *done*. _

_The champagne tastes like ashes in my mouth. I pour myself another glass, watching my hand tremble._

I scowl at the rhododendron, swig some more whisky, which burns down my throat.

_Soldier_

Regardless of anything else. That's what I am.

And I left my post. For whatever reason. And now I've lost everything. Everything I ever wanted.

Fuck this.

I raise the bottle, now two-thirds empty, at my ericaceous friend.

"You're right. I should not have abandoned him. I should _never_ abandon him..."

_So what are you going to do? Are you going to sit here and cry at a shrub, or are you going to try to save the situation?_

"No use. He's gone. He said so."

_So you're just giving up? Just like that, admitting defeat to Alistair? What's the motto of the Regiment?_

I frown at the plant. What does it know of the army?

"Who dares wins - but - "

_Exactly! Not 'who gives up ends up alone on a park bench'. Get over there and tell Jim you're sorry. Tell him how you feel._

"He's just going to laugh at me."

_So is that the worst thing that ever happened to you?_

I see your face, you naked in Alistair's arms, in a bed, looking at me - laughing louder and louder - your eyes full of scorn, Alistair joining in, the sound haunting me as I flee out of the house -

_It's taking that risk or just not seeing him again. Maybe when he comes to pick up his stuff, both of you sober and businesslike. Is that what you want?_

_"NO!"_

My shout startles something in the undergrowth that runs away. I throw the bottle across the lawn and run to the fence. I’m so drunk it takes me two tries to get across.

I know Alistair's address of course - we've been watching him for a while now. It's too far to walk, so I look around the square - posh neighbourhood - anyone here got a classic car I can nick without electronics?

Bingo - 1980s Mercedes. I break the lock, hotwire the thing, and am off.

It's busy in the centre but pretty soon I'm on quieter roads and can make progress.

Not fast enough. Every minute is another minute in which you are kissing Alistair, fucking Alistair, whispering words to Alistair, drinking champagne with Alistair, stroking Alistair...

My hands grip the steering wheel so tightly I can see the whiteness of my knuckles even in the dark.

I leave the car open in front of the building, look through the glass front across the lobby to the lifts. Damn it. The bloody things work with key cards. Which I don't have. And I don't know how to hotwire a lift. And there's a doorman who would ask me questions if I started trying.

I could put my gun against his head and make him take me up and then kill him – let’s call that plan B.

I walk around to where Alistair’s balcony is, overlooking a lush central garden. It’s easy enough to scale the drainpipe to get onto a first-floor balcony, then make my way up and across to get to his.

I try to look inside – it’s dark. I think this is the dining room. There’s light through a door at the back.

I slide my credit card between the door and the post, click the lock open. Always deadbolt your door, Alice... you never know when the Cheshire Tiger will make his appearance...

I walk into the dark kitchen.

_By the time Alistair returns, holding in his hands very expensive restraints, and looking very smug, (like any rich fool couldn't have ordered them off the internet), I am quite tipsy indeed. _

_He places the restraints on his designer coffee table, and holds up the bottle. "More champagne? Oh! Helped yourself, did you?" he chuckles, and pours himself another glass. _

_As he's still pouring, I snatch the bottle from him. "Don't mind if I do," I say loudly, then look aghast at the drops on my jacket. _

_"Oh fucking *Christ*... my favourite suit!!" I howl, and look at Alistair in outrage. He looks back blankly. _

_Memories flash through my mind - Sebastian eyeing me hungrily in the suit... removing each piece lovingly and hanging it with precision... before tossing me on the bed, and fucking me like an unleashed animal... _

_Will I really never have this *again*??_

_My eyes prickle with - _

_Oh *no*, you fucking don't, Alexander... _

_Horrified, I blink back tears. _

_Alistair is staring at me in concern. "Alexander... it's *just a suit*... my dry-cleaning service is excellent; we can have it picked up in the morning..."_

_I stare at him scathingly. "It's *not* the fecking suit, you eejit..."_

_"Then... why on earth are you crying?" Looking utterly confused, he crosses his arms._

_"I'm not *crying* at all," I seethe. God... the audacity! Does he not understand how to ascertain what I need, and give it to me?? Instead he blatantly disregards my needs like a complete moron! And makes me feel foolish! I should punch that look right off his face!_

_"Right," he says decisively. "You've had a wee bit too much to drink. I'll make you an espresso... that should perk you right up. We can get back to restraining the lascivious business magnate... and giving him some proper discipline..." He winks at me. _

_It's all I can do to not scream. No No *NO*... you don't wink at someone who's about to dominate you... you think this is a fun little game?_

_Sebastian always understood... that getting into bed was like leaping into a treacherous river... getting sucked into rapids... and trying to make it out alive before going over the falls. It is *Not*. A. Bloody. *Game*. _

_I rub my eyes. "Yes... I'm sure you're right... too much champagne for Alexander... caffeine will make everything right as rain again..." I give him a tremulous smile. _

_Alistair looks pleased as he heads to the kitchen. "I'll just be a moment, poppet..." he says reassuringly. _

_I throw myself back against the sofa, and cover my face with my hands. How the fuck am I supposed to do this??_

_You know very well you have to do this... and you WILL do it. Tonight._

_Whip him? Kiss him? *Fuck* him? I *can't*..._

_Why on earth not! _

_Because! He's not - _

_Don't you DARE say Sebastian... we need to get him out of your system, POPPET... _

_"Maybe I don't *want* to get him out of my system..." I mutter angrily. _

_Oh! What do you want, then? To be boyfriends, holding hands and skipping through meadows? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you're being?!_

_I whimper. Don't I know it... and the worst thing is *I don't care*... Why did I ever come up with this stupid plan? What have I done?!_

Footsteps - not yours -

Alice appears in the doorway, switches on the lights, screams.

"Sssssh..." I tell him. "I'm not here for you - I'm here for Jim..."

_I'm back to drinking from the bottle, plummeting into the depths of despair. I've ruined it... _

_what we had... _

_whatever it was... _

_it's broken..._

_then - a scream. _

_"Alistair?" I call out in confusion._

_That sounded like- _

_Can't be -_

_I'm stumbling towards the sound of Alistair shouting, holding the champagne bottle for dear life..._

_*Sebastian??*_

"What the hell are you doing here!?" he shouts when he recognizes me. "Did Moriarty send you?"

Oh yes - I'm not supposed to call you Jim. You're Alexander.

On cue, you appear in the doorway. Still dressed in your suit - or again, getting ready to leave after a good shag? Alistair is bare-chested...

"Alexander," I manage, well done Seb.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..."

Shit. I'm starting to cry.

"I'm so sorry..."

_I'm staring at you in abject shock. I lean hard against the doorway. "Seb? What - are yeh doin' here," I slur. _

_I should be outraged, I think. Indignant, at the very least... _

_You *abandoned* me... _

_Then burst in on my not-date with - this guy. Who's looking stunned and furious. Oh, Alistair - there's only room in this designer kitchen for one drama queen. _

_My eyes swing back to you. Make that *two*... _

_"*Oh*. Remembered your position, did you?" I drawl. _

_I give you a haughty look, and lift the bottle to my lips. I watch you as I drink. You're *crying*... I've never seen you cry._

_Fuck. Don't be swayed by his tears, *don't*... _

_I close my eyes, squeeze them tightly. Inhaling shakily, I whisper, "I thought - I thought you'd gone..." I press my forehead against the doorway, filling with hollowness and despair. You're back because of your loyalty, I know... my beautiful, loyal soldier... _

_But nothing will be the same, will it. _

_Fighting against tears, my body begins to tremble._

You look at me shocked - hah - managed to surprise you, Jim... I hardly ever manage to surprise you...

And then your voice changes. Cold. Judging.

And you are right. You are so right... I forgot myself.

My position. I stare at the ground.

'I thought you'd gone...'

Did you whisper that? Or did I imagine it?

It cuts through my heart - Jim thought I'd abandoned him. That I left him alone, unprotected, uncared for. Never. Never again.

"Never again," I whisper.

My position.

"I know - my place. I know my position."

I step forward. Alistair moves back, scared. I ignore him.

Sink to my knees.

"I left my post. I abandoned you. I deserve whatever you want to do to me. Even - even if you want to let me go. But - I want to tell you I'm sorry. I should never have left. I - had my reasons, but they were selfish, and shouldn't have mattered.

I am yours, and I'm here - for two reasons, I guess. To apologize. And to beg you to take me back."

Tears drip to the floor.

_My eyes remain closed. I sag against the doorway, hearing your words... _

_I don't deserve such loyalty. Not after what I-_

_My eyes open and widen as I see the tears streaming down your face. _

_*Seb*-_

_"Sebbie, why would you want - why would you come back after the way I-" a choked sob cuts me off. _

_*No crying allowed, Jimmy!!*_

_I take a step towards you, then sway drunkenly in the middle of the designer kitchen. My hand floats up towards you, but I'm too far away. _

_*Sebbie*..._

_if only I could touch you, I'd know everything was alright... I'd know you were still mine..._

_"Alright..." Alistair interjects, nervous but impatient. He steps forward, puts an arm around me, holding me up. "Look. He's clearly safe. Just a little drunk. I'll take care of him, and he can sleep it off in the guest room. So you should go now - wait outside in the hall if you need to. But you're not staying here..." he narrows his eyes at you._

What -

What are you trying to say -

\- after how you - _what_ -

Was that a -

_sob_!?

Jim!?

I look up, you're coming towards me, holding out your hand -

Oh god -

Really -

Jim - coming to me -

\- can you -

\- forgive me!?

I look up, eyes crazy with hope, when fuckface steps in, puts his _hands_ on you, telling you to _move away from me_ -

How _dare_ he -

He's trying to turn you round, you're looking at me, you don't _want_ to leave - can't this imbecile see that -

I growl, rise up.

_I'm in a daze trying to reach you without falling over, but the man is in the way... _

_and Alexander is a drunken eejit, and doesn't know how to navigate his limbs or handle this fool, but there's a Tiger loose in the kitchen now, and he does *not look happy*..._

_*Oh*... he's *coming for me*... _

_if this were a cartoon, I'd have hearts for eyes as you move towards me, growling... _

_"Sebbie," I murmur, trying to pull away from the man and stretching out my hand... I *so* want to touch you, my Tiger..._

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Him," I growl as I approach you. You're trying to _get_ to me, still, and this troglodyte is holding you back - if you weren't in an upset state, he'd be dead already - how _dare_ he put his hands on you and _restrain_ you - you're _stretching out your hand to reach me_ which is the most beautiful sight I've _ever_ seen and he is _preventing_ you!?

He cowers back as I stand in front of him, but _still_ holds on to you. My hand lashes out; I grab him by the throat and push him up against the wall. Finally he gets the picture and lets go.

"I said. Let. Him. Go. How _dare_ you try to restrain-" notJimnotJim "-him."

He's choking, kicking, sputtering. I move my hand slightly so he's no longer being choked, but is still pinned up against the wall.

I look at you. You’re staring at me with large dark eyes - what is it I see in them? What did you want to say to me?

We need to talk - alone -

I drop Alistair to his feet, pull his head forward by his hair, knock it back against the wall.

He crumples in a satisfying slump. I wanted to throw him off the balcony, but he'd have made a load of noise and _all I want right now_ is to talk to you - to hear what you were going to say if you'd had a chance to finish your sentence –

_I watch as you pin the man by the throat..._

_knock him against the wall... _

_I look from his crumpled body on the floor up to you. Your eyes are desperate, full of longing, and I'm *enraptured*..._

_I step towards you on trembling legs, and my knees go weak - I feel myself falling and in an instant you're there, as I knew you would be - _

_We sink to the floor, your strong arms sliding around me - I gently fall against you, blinking up at you. _

_"You came-" I mumble. "But - I've been a *monster*... Sebastian..." Your name is an exhalation. A plea. A shattered dream... _

_Have I - been dreaming of you all this time?_

_A single tear rolls down my cheek._

You come to me - finally - and you collapse, NO -

I dive at you and catch you, but lose my balance myself, I'm drunker than I thought, but I have you, I won't let you fall - my knees hit the floor and I hold you and you land against me, confused -

'You came,' like you hadn't believed I would, like you _actually_ thought I had abandoned you - and I _had_ \- I just _left_ you in that club, _worthless_ as a bodyguard, as a soldier, as a -

_monster_

\- what?!

_You_ a monster?!

The - the way you say my name, like a prayer, like a

(_lover_)

"Jim - " I pull back, look at your eyes - you are serious, you actually are serious -

"Monster?! How - how were you a monster? I left you - I'm so sorry - but I came back... I hope it's not too late..."

_“I should *never* have-“ I close my eyes, give my head a violent shake. “Cruel. Even for me.” My eyelids flutter open and I stare up at you sadly. I’m lost in the endless blue of your adoring gaze._

_“Sebbie-“ I swallow hard, steel myself to continue. I don't know why, but I need you to understand... even if it means doing the unthinkable..._

_“Had to stop what was happening to us - to m-me... couldn’t control the - feelings...” I'm rambling now. Shaking in your arms. _

_Inside my head, my urge for control is screaming at me to stop, *stop this*..._

_You look confused, hopeful, terrified... all because of me. I've put you through so much... I reach out to touch you, but my hand hovers over your face, fearfully - _

_And then - you grasp my hand and touch it to your cheek. _

_Oh... god... _

_*At last*... _

_Your warm skin under my hand is like a powerful spell - feeling it cracking through my numbness, I moan softly... _

_A layer of armour is tumbling to the floor with a crash, and I feel a disorienting wave of dizziness. Then Alexander too is falling away like a snakeskin, and all that's left is Jim - admittedly drunk, but utterly mesmerized as I allow myself to stroke your cheek for the very first time. _

_“I never wanted him, Tiger...” I hear myself whisper fiercely._

What’s happening...

You’re saying words, words I don’t understand - I wish my mind was working better, they sound important -

_feelings?_

You’re trembling in my arms like after a nightmare - and then your hand reaches out...

You don’t _reach_ for me. You never do. I reach for you, and am rejected or allowed. You never...

but you look scared and sad and somehow you can’t cross the distance, so I reach for you, take your hand, touch it to my face. And it feels like - connection -

You look down, and up again, and when you do - your _eyes_ -

I recognize this man, but only barely - I’ve seen glimpses of him once or twice - it’s not Alexander Wood, it’s not even Moriarty, it’s the real person hiding behind the many many faces the public see -

“Jim...”

_I'm staring up at you as I continue to touch your face - eye contact and physical touch feel like anchors, keeping me from floating away. From returning to being *him* - cold, remote, trapped behind a wall of impenetrable rock._

_My throat feels like it's being squeezed - apparently, Moriarty is alive and well, and has very strong opinions about what's happening. I feel a steely determination in the back of my mind - like tolerating a momentary insurrection, while waiting for reinforcements._

_What if - in the morning when I'm sober, I'm imprisoned again? Laughing this off as a drunken lark? Being scathing as you try to understand what's happening? Imagining the look on your face, I wince._

_*I can't go back there*..._

_"Tiger..." I reply in a dazed and shaky voice. "This is the truth, whatever I say in the morning... however I - act..."_

_You look momentarily confused, then realization dawns in your eyes, along with sorrow._

_My forehead creases. "Keep me awake... don't let me sleep or pass out." I grasp your lapels. "Do you understand, Sebastian?"_

_Your eyes are searching mine fervently._

_"But in case I disappear again... I wanted you from the first day we met..." I murmur. "It was always you, Tiger..."_

"Jim-"

The words you're saying are so full of promise, so incredibly potentially wonderful, but am I understanding them right? Are you saying - you are - what? There's a hidden you that might disappear? What is this!?

"What do you mean... you wanted me?" That's the core of what I want to know. Before you - this side of you - disappears again.

_I look at you intently for a long moment before pulling your face down towards mine into a kiss. _

_Not an aggressive kiss like you’ve had with Moriarty..._

_Not a playful or randy kiss like you’ve had with Alexander Wood..._

_At first our lips meet softly, searchingly... the kiss goes on for a deliciously long time, and I feel like I’m drowning in pleasure and sensation, like golden, gleaming honey is pouring through my bones, making me feel languorous and warm... as intensity builds between us, I hear myself moan softly. Then we break apart in shock, staring at each other._

_“I mean, *wanted* you...” I whisper. “And want you...” _

_I climb onto your lap and straddle you before reaching for you again, and losing myself in a kiss that makes heat rise throughout my body. Moriarty is an unknown variable at this moment - I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Only that I can’t deny myself touching you a moment longer... my arms slide around your muscular body, and I sigh breathlessly at the sweetness of your lips on mine..._

You're so sweet - you've never been like this, no persona has ever approached me like this, and this - isn't a persona, I'm sure of it -

But what do you mean _wanted_ me - like - sex? That was pretty clear once we started shagging...

But -

\- are you saying -

\- something more?

Something –

_don't_

"Jim... when you say you want me... do you mean - sexually?"

_Drunk as I am, I manage to give you a wry, 'oh come on' look. _

_"Darling... are you going to make me say it?" I whine softly, and bury my face in your neck. "Why did you do the unspeakable and *burst in on me*? Was it really - just to apologize? Just to be the best bodyguard ever?? The most loyal-" Softening, I slide my arms around your neck and kiss you. _

_"sweetest-" _

_kiss_

_*most devoted-"_

_kiss_

_"most adorable Tiger-" I whisper. My brow furrows. "What was I saying?" I ask in drunken confusion. _

_You stare back at me longingly, and fearfully - like you're afraid this is a misunderstanding, and terrible reality will come crashing back in an instant. _

_Oh, Sebbie... of course you need clarity after everything I've done to you..._

_I rest my forehead on your shoulder, squeezing my eyes shut. _

_"God, Sebbie... why is this so hard? I have *feelings* for you, alright??" I blurt, feeling my heart squeeze painfully and start pounding in my chest like a terrified horse running for his life._

What on earth is happening?

Jim -

Jim _Moriarty_ -

_Drunk_ Jim Moriarty -

is telling me that -

I'm the best and loyal and -

_sweet!?_

And kissing me and -

\- adorable -

\- _feelings_ -

_white noise blazing in my head_

_adrenaline chasing out all the alcohol in my system_

_cold, hard reality_

... you're still here. You're actually for real sitting in my arms pushing your head into my shoulder, your heart racing in your chest -

Oh. God.

Feelings.

Jim Moriarty.

Does not compute. 404 Tiger brain not found.

No - wait -

_heart racing - head in my shoulder_

Jim is in trouble. Jim is in need. I provide Jim's needs. Always. Whatever they are.

What are they!?

I'm - I can do food, and coffee, and sex, and killing. But - I've never - we never –

It's like a nightmare, Sebastian. Remember when he has a nightmare? You take care of him, sweet, gently, holding him, until he's alright again. This is like that.

Except - with feelings.

"Jim-" my throat is tight; I have trouble speaking.

"Jim, it's alright."

What the fuck soldier? 'It's alright'?! Is that what you say when your Boss says he has feelings for you?

Well what am I supposed to say?!

_My eyes open. _

_“Alright?” I mutter into your shoulder in confusion. “Did he just-“_

_I straighten up slowly and look at you in disbelief. “Yes. Yes, he *did*...” I say in a cheerful voice, vibrating with fury. _

_My fist slams into your mouth and the dispassionate part of me watches in fascination as you recoil, and blood sprays from your lip._

_Told you feelings are for fools... weak... insipid... FOOLS, I hear the hiss in my mind as I’m scrambling up from your lap. _

_Are you a fool, Jimmy?_

_I was... but it was temporary insanity, I think, fuming as I back away from you._

I am in a daze...

I hear your voice - you sound - not happy -

And then a fist lands on my mouth and pain explodes through my skull as it flies back against the wall.

Perversely, the flash in my head outlines everything with sudden clarity.

Your _moods_ tonight. Your jealousy. Your remarks about _my_ jealousy. Your flirtations, your retreats. Your toying with Alistair, while all the time checking on me.

You're looking furious - and no wonder. The glorious Jim Moriarty has confessed to _feelings_... and they were dismissed. Well, in Jim Moriarty's eyes. God forbid that someone actually takes a second to take it all in.

I grin, wipe the blood from my mouth, rise up. Pierced lip. Bleeding profusely because of all the alcohol in my blood - _definitely_ will need the dry cleaner now.

"You little shit," I hear myself say.

Sebastian? If you'd like to survive this night, you might want to choose different words?

"Give a man a _moment_ to process information. It's not like it was _expected_..."

I move fast, you're drunk, you don't stand a chance. I have you against the wall now, though I'm not choking you - _if_ you don't move.

"You're right - you are a fucking monster, Jim Moriarty. You're a cruel, manipulative, murderous, fickle, sadistic, Machiavellian, volatile, scheming bastard."

Your eyes are shooting daggers. I am _so_ dead.

"And I adore that side of you. I fucking worship it on my knees whenever I can.

But sometimes, just sometimes... I got a glimpse of someone else underneath. Someone - I'd have to say human, though it sounds too mundane for what I saw. Someone who has feelings, raw and beautiful like a Fauvist painting. Someone who might have the courage to occasionally appear vulnerable. Someone who only so slightly leaked out, but who fascinated me even more than Moriarty. It was the God behind the demon mask.

And he's here... and he finally deigned or dared to speak to me... and I will never. Ever. Give him up."

I move my hand, press my mouth on yours, kiss you hard.

This is it. You're going to either kiss me back or kill me.

_You don't seem confused anymore... you're grinning, calling me a little shit, and pinning me against the wall..._

_Well. I knew you had a death wish, but... *this* is how you want to go? Drunk, in a designer kitchen? _

_But you've captured my attention with your pretty speech... go on, Sebastian... plead your case, you smug, arrogant - _

_*Oh*. Speech is over, because your mouth is busy kissing mine. _

_Alright, sweet prince - one last kiss before you're sent careening into that dark night... I kiss you back ferociously, and your words swirl through my mind. _

_‘fucking monster’_

_‘adore’_

_‘worship’ _

_‘fascinated’_

_‘never ever give him up’_

_I push you away from me with a howl of anger, and my hand shoots out to put you in a chokehold. _

_Of course, I'm drunk, and you're ex-SAS, so you slip out of my grip, and back away, rubbing your throat ruefully. But I wasn't trying to do any serious damage, just making a point... _

_Don't. Mess. With. Me. _

_I snatch a beautiful vase of roses from the counter, and throw it just over your head. As you're showered with water, long-stemmed roses, and shards of crystal, you're too distracted to stop me from lunging at you, scooping up one of the jagged shards, and holding it against your neck._

_One slice - that's all it would take. I would hold your twitching body on the kitchen floor in an expanding pool of blood, and that would be that._

_We both know it... and your response is to gaze at me steadily, smile, and purr, "Love you too, Boss..."_

_To which my mouth drops open, before I fling the shard at the wall with a curse - then I slap you hard across the face, and throw myself at you. _

_And we're far too drunk and overwhelmed to do anything but crumple to the floor again - where we roll around grasping at each other amidst the roses and water and shattered crystal. _

_"My suit... my beautiful fucking suit..." I whimper, but then I forget everything but your mouth, and your arms, and your hands, as you pull me against you - and with a breathy sigh, Jim Moriarty surrenders to a deep and devastating kiss from his bodyguard. _

_"Sebastian, you fucker," I mutter, then a smile breaks out across my face. "Don't stop," I whisper, and pull you back against my lips._

Well, drunk as we both may be, I’m damn sure I will not forget this. The night Jim put a shard against my throat and I told him I love him. And survived.

So far.

You look so fucking devastatingly beautiful when you smile at me between kisses; this is you, the real deep-down Jim, and if I have to get you drunk and knock out a promising business partner every night from now on to see him again I will.

I’m kissing you like I never could and you’re holding me like you never would and I’m dizzy with sensation and delight but not so taken in that I don’t hear the moan which is _not_ from you-

Ah. The promising business partner is stirring.

“What - Alexander? What happened? What are you _doing_?!”

_Oh. Yes. *Him*... After pulling apart regretfully, we gaze at each other, smirking. Then our heads swivel simultaneously to look at Alistair - who's propped up on one elbow, staring at us in horrified shock. _

_"Oh! Alistair! You're awake," I say brightly, which makes you snigger. I swat you, and you mutter an apology and cover your mouth._

_"It's not what it looks like, darling," I say reassuringly. Alistair's mouth is hanging open. He looks so comically affronted, and this entire vignette is *so absurd*... really, it was inevitable that we would start laughing hysterically._

_"Alright, it *is* what it looks like, but it couldn't be helped..." I try to speak calmly which is next to impossible with you giggling helplessly in the background. "*Quiet*, Sebastian. I'm trying to explain to dear Alistair that it was all rather surprising, but we've realized our feelings for each other, and declared our love. Oh, I didn't actually get to that part, what with punching you and threatening your life... did I, darling?" I swipe up a rose from the floor, brush a piece of crystal from it, and it falls to the floor with a *clink*. Then I offer the rose to you with a grin._

_"Love you too, Tiger..." I murmur, and we beam at each other like idiots._

_Alistair clears his throat. "Hello? Still here!" he shouts, and slowly pushes himself into a sitting position. _

_"Are you telling me..." he says as he rubs his head, wincing. "All this happened while I was... unconscious?"_

_I roll my eyes. "Of *course not*... it's been building up all evening, you ninny. If you couldn't see I was obsessing about my bodyguard the entire time, then you're a blind fool..." I take your jaw in my hand and shake my head at you. _

_"That goes for you too, idiot Tiger..." I whisper, and the next thing I know, we're kissing madly._

A rose.

You're giving me a rose.

And saying you love me.

Jim - loves me.

And I love Jim. God, yes.

Fuck, I was blind - wilfully so.

But - can you blame me? I mean, I'm hardly someone who deals with emotions. And it's not like you encourage them. And it was all easier to just fuck and shoot and not think too hard.

But - you _love_ me.

My cheeks hurt from how widely I'm grinning when you stop kissing me, because Alistair is yapping something irrelevant.

"Want me to shoot him, Boss?"

_I look over at Alistair and give him a lazy smile. "Oh, I don't think that's *entirely* necessary... after all, Alistair and I have come to a mutually beneficial business arrangement. Isn't that what this evening was all about?" _

_He looks stunned, and sputters for just a moment before his self-preserving nature snaps into place. "Ehm. Of course. It was - a pleasure doing business with you, Mr Wood..." by the end of his sentence, he sounds downright polished and professional. Considering he's bare-chested and on the kitchen floor, and his new business partner is on top of his bodyguard, surrounded by roses, that's quite admirable._

_"Terribly sorry about the vase," I drawl. "I'll replace it, of course..." _

_He waves his hand. "Think nothing of it. I was growing tired of the thing..." He looks wryly at me, then raises his eyebrows slightly. As if to say, I can live, yes? _

_I chuckle. Oh, Alistair... It never would have worked, but you do have some fine qualities for a business partner. _

_"I think we've overstayed our welcome, Sebbie... Let's let Alistair get some sleep. He has to wake up early to get those contracts sent to the big Boss..." _

_"Of course, Mr Wood..." he says smoothly. "First thing in the morning..." He tries to stand, and sits back down, looking dizzy. _

_"Don't stand on our account... we'll show ourselves out..." I extend my hand out to you, and you stand immediately to help me up gallantly. And then hold me up, as I sway drunkenly. _

_"Any fine chip shops around here?" I ask in a haughty voice, then press my face into your shoulder, giggling madly._

Shame. I would have loved to get rid of Alistair - but, I notice with surprise, my homicidal tendencies towards him have lessened. He's touched the untouchable, yeah... but I'm taking home the prize. I'm pretty sure you two haven't shagged - and even if you had, what is a shag compared to a rose?

I'm going to keep this rose forever. I'll dry it and put it in resin and make a paperweight and will probably throw it at you during a fight but then we'll make up and kiss and make love and...

"Sorry about the bash to the head, mate," I smile at Alistair as we pass him. "Put some frozen peas on that."

And we're off. And you are giggly and wanting chips and you're the _cutest bunny_ I've ever ever seen, but I think if I tell you that I will end up in the river.

There's a kebab shop open and I order us two large portions of chips, then call Freddy to come pick us up. He's grumpy because I've woken him, but I don't care - his growl sounds like lark song. The stench of the chip shop is ambrosia. The drunken louts in here are beautiful adorable people and I want to be their best friend.

... I'm not sure if this love thing is quite healthy.

_If anyone had told me that the night would conclude with me in a kebab shop in the wee hours, drunk and eating chips, grinning like a loon, and laughing my arse off, I would have told them they were mental. Well, I would have had you shoot them for their insolence, but that's another thing entirely. I hope you weren't too disappointed that you didn't get to shoot someone... I would have let you have him, but he really is a valuable resource... Well, maybe another day. _

_Now we're speeding home, and my head is on your shoulder, and you're singing Depeche Mode songs offkey, and I realize I have not been worried about 'waking up Moriarty' again. Because there's *no way* I would give this up. Yes, my Moriarty side is seething over my insurrection, but - I'm sure I can channel him into something more overtly pleasurable than being a monster. _

_Speaking of pleasure... your hand is now on my thigh, and your lips have found their way along my neck... I smile, chuckling. "Sebbie... what *do* you think you're doing?" I murmur. _

_I grasp your face, and kiss you deeply, before whispering, "*Impertinent. Tiger.*"_

"Rawr," I growl back, before pulling you onto my lap for a proper kiss and grope. This is not the first time this happens - sometimes after an intense day we both let ourselves get carried away in the back of a car - but I've never felt so elated, so delighted, so ecstatic...

Your lithe body underneath this suit - don't worry Jim, I'm not damaging it... your hungry passionate kisses, so _genuine_, no hiding, no games, just you...

you...

all I've ever wanted...

I never even thought about it - when I met you, when I got the chance to work for you, I loved it... Insane, violent, adrenaline-inducing, and with sex thrown in - fuck, what could be better? It was a high from start to - well, now - which is a high never before even envisaged. You were my life, my purpose, my everything from the beginning. Like meeting a god walking the earth and being invited for the ride.

And now the god is giggling on my lap and telling me not to spoil his suit and rubbing his nose against mine and I just want to squeeze him...

_Fuck_, this is the best night of my life.

_When we arrive and Freddy drives off, we stumble into the lift - you kiss me and yank off my jacket, making me growl. In the hall, I pull off your jacket as you walk me backwards, accidentally pushing me into a wall. Then it's me pushing you, steering you in the direction of the door. Your back is against the door, as I'm fumbling in your pocket for the key - which almost gets X-rated in a hurry when I give up and unfasten your trousers._

_You murmur my name, and *oh god*, my name on your lips...!!!_

_"Say that again," I demand, and you lean in and whisper to me, "Jim", and I'm so overcome by that single syllable, that one tiny sound that carries an entire universe of significance because *you're saying it*. _

_How does that happen? Does it work when I do it??_

_"Seb," I murmur, and your eyes widen, and you kiss me hungrily and well, I guess there's my answer. _

_"Seb," I whisper, and you groan and scramble for your key, and then we're *in*. _

_You kick the door shut behind us, and suddenly we're alone in the flat, gazing at each other._


	7. Bulletproof Cupid

It’s weird being back in the flat. When we were out we were in this unreal fantasy world where anything was possible, but this is _home_... with the boots by the door and the horrible purple wallpaper and - it doesn’t seem the place where you would look at me like that, but you do.

I scoop you up and you squeal and giggle as I carry you to the bedroom and you _keep_ looking at me like that which is astonishing, and I drop you onto the bed and grab my phone, and sit next to you, and take a selfie, because I never want to forget this look on your face.

Then I drop the phone and fall into your arms, because we haven’t kissed for at least two minutes now which is way too long.

_For one terrible instant, I think all this will vanish now that we've crossed the threshold, and we should have gone to a hotel, because there's no way we can be here and do *this* - this thing that's been unfolding between us all evening, but *really* for days, but *actually* for a year and a half if I'm honest... _

_But then, this fear flies out the window when suddenly I realize I've been *scooped up* and I can't help but giggle like an intoxicated fool, even though all of this madness is the furthest thing from my experience that I can possibly imagine. Well, perhaps short of becoming a priest, and caring for the poor, and tending to the sick, and all the malarkey they get up to in the service of their invisible sky lord. _

_Then we're actually taking a selfie. Moriarty and his bodyguard, beaming like fools. *God*... when you show me, I'm stunned that I look so utterly sweet, and... happy? Then when you gather me in your arms, I'm thinking, Who *does* things like this? Carrying people to beds? Taking selfies? Being *happy*?_

_Certainly not criminals... certainly not *us*...But all evidence is pointing to the contrary, because we've done all these things in the space of a couple of minutes, including this happiness thing, because your lips on mine appear to be the only thing that gets my mind to Shut. The Fuck. Up. And Just._

_Enjoy Myself. _

_And..._

_..._

_And..._

_..._

_"Sebastian."_

_*kiss*_

_"Mmm?"_

_*kiss*_

_"Nothing. Just wanted to hear your voice."_

_"Oh. Hello."_

_*kiss*_

_"Hi."_

_*kiss*_

_"Sebbie."_

_"Mm. Yes, Jim..." You pull back to look at me. _

_"Just wanted to see your face."_

_"Why do I feel like I'm in bed with the Big Bad Wolf?" you say, amused. _

_"Because you *are* in bed with the Big Bad Wolf. But those aren't the lines, darling. You would say, 'Oh Jimmy, What big eyes you've got!' to which I would reply-"_

_“All the better to see you with, my dear," you whisper, and take my face in your hands, staring at me intently. _

_"That's my line," I protest._

_"So I'm little Red Riding Hood?" you laugh, and pull me up so you can start carefully unbuttoning my shirt._

_I reach out to unbutton yours. "Hardly... You're a foolish boy looking for adventure who stumbled into the wolf's lair. And now he has your scent... whatever will you do?"_

"I will offer him my throat..." I say hoarsely, and you growl and dig your teeth into my neck and I shiver, but keep carefully unbuttoning your shirt, which has way too many buttons, but I'm getting to the end - _finally_ I can claim my prize. My hands slide onto your skin, your beautiful smooth skin, my fingers kissing it as they slide around.

I pull my hands out, undo your cuff links, take off the shirt, unveiling the beauty that is so unlike I've seen it before... before it was marble perfection, to be admired, but cold and hard and only accessible under strict conditions; now it's warm and soft and inviting...

I throw the shirt over a chair, shrug off my own, and finally find myself skin to skin with you, our chests touching, my heart _leaping_ in an effort to go and join yours, my head spinning from the sensations as well as the alcohol.

_I'm still rather drunk, and my skin is heating up as we press against each other, exploring each other's lips and bodies._

_It feels familiar but... so strange and new. I'm used to *doing* things to you... tormenting you. hurting you. fucking you. _

_sometimes playing a role, like Alexander..._

_sometimes the tables would turn and you'd be the aggressor... _

_sometimes we would be overcome by lust and just shag each other senseless, wherever we found ourselves... _

_but this? New territory._

_And suddenly I'm desperate to explore every inch of it. _

_“Take these off," I demand, pulling at your trousers rather ineffectively. Again you chuckle as you follow my order. Hearing you laugh is *so intoxicating*... Jesus. Why the fuck was I so controlling with you before? I don't even remember..._

_Oh yes... Bla bla power dynamics, whatever. I've been *missing out*. What else have I yet to experience? I must know - *everything*. _

_Your trousers are off, and I'm pulling your pants down insistently. And then you're naked before me, and I'm kissing you as I try to remove my trousers, urgently needing to feel your skin against mine. But I'm not used to functioning while drunk as a skunk, so it takes your assistance to peel me out of my remaining clothing. And then I fall against you - *oof* - and finally there are no barriers between us - except not knowing what the fuck I'm doing. _

_I think sex between people in love (!!) is... reciprocal. Yes? That sounds right. _

_"What do you want, Sebastian?" I murmur into your ear, and kiss your neck._

We've never done the drunken fumbling thing. I remember it vaguely from when I used to fuck lesser humans, but with you sex is survival, drop one stitch and you're dead.

That's different you though... This you is funny and giggly and sweet and cuddly and clumsy... and then you fall into my arms, literally, and ask me what I want.

What I want?

What?

That's never been a concern -

I don't know what to say! Anything! Everything! *_You!*_

We're both so drunk I don't know how well we'd perform... my cock is eager but low in blood supply and I don't want to fuck this up...

"I want you, Jim. Always..." I reach for your cock, feeling it in a similar state as mine - eager, jumping up into my hand, but with a slight lack of substance behind it.

I start rubbing it, looking into your eyes.

_“Mmm...” My eyelids flutter closed as I feel your hand on me. I can feel you looking at me, and it’s so hard to open my eyes... I blink down at you. _

_“When you say you want me - do you mean sexually?” I ask, feigning innocence. Recognition dawns in your eyes from your question before, and I snigger. You stop rubbing me and grab my shoulders and pretend you’re going to throw me from the bed. _

_“Tiger! No!” I shout, and dissolve into laughter. You release your grip and shake your head at me. _

_“Little shit,” you mutter, but you’re smiling. _

_“Fucker,” I grin, and flop against you. _

_“I’m rather drunk,” I declare to you, in case you hadn’t noticed._

"You don't say... lightweight," I grin, earning a half-hearted slap.

"I may be a tad inebriated as well," I admit. With the adrenaline wearing off, the whole spinning room and multiple Jim issue seems to increase. But I don't want this to end... I don't want this to ever end.

"You're so beautiful..." I whisper to the middle Jim, hoping it's the right one.

_“I am," I agree, sighing contentedly. _

_It's strange to be lying on you naked - aroused but too drunk and lazy do anything about it. I'm just blissed out and boneless, like a feline rolling in a sunbeam. And the sunbeam is you - with your golden hair, and your huge smile. _

_"And so are you, Tiger..." I murmur, and run my fingers through your hair, and over your face. I was never allowed to do this before - it's mesmerizing. _

_"Next time we go to a club, it will be *together*... and we'll dance, and make everyone wild with desire for us," I declare smugly. _

_You look happy, and I feel a pang of something - guilt. Ouch._

_"Tonight was a travesty," I say in a quiet voice. "And - I'm sorry. Nothing happened. By the time we got to his place, I was just stalling and drinking my face off... I think on some level I was wishing you'd show up... I imagined you on the street yelling up to the window... drunk and dishevelled and potentially violent." I look at you and chuckle. "My beautiful ruffian..." I whisper. "Ready to shoot anyone who puts their hands on me..."_

We'll go to a club _together_!?

I remember my reverie of earlier tonight... walking into the club with you hand in hand, seeing all the envious glances, dancing with you...

Oh -

Nothing happened. Good.

But you - were thinking of _me_? Wishing I'd show up??

"_Like_ \- if you had been... doing stuff with Alice - you would have _killed_ me," I giggle. "It was a damn foolish thing to do - but then I'm nothing if not a fool for you."

_"*Alice?*" I echo, and dissolve into laughter again. "Oh, *very* nice... did you have a nickname for Alexander, too?" I demand, eyes lighting up._

"Not really... Just Alex - Alice and Alex. Or Liz and Lex," I answer, making you burst into another fit of giggles.

You are _so cute_ like this - I have never seen you drunk, I don't think. Drunk Jim is utterly utterly adorable... I just hope he remembers in the morning...

_"*Lex*..." I chuckle. "Oh, such a shame I didn't assign you an alter ego! Did you feel left out, Bastian?" I coo, then look horrified. "Fuck. I'm *sorry*… I'm - not used to being sweet to anyone yet. It pretty much just started in Alice's kitchen, and - fuck." I make a face. _

_"Just tell me when I go too far, I don't exactly have a way of gauging these things. My emotional intelligence compass broke a long time ago..." I look at you in concern. Concern gives way to panic. Am I even capable of being in a relationship??_

"Jim... Jim. You could never go too far in being sweet. I'm pretty sure that's a, impossible for you, and b, I have a lot of sweetness to catch up on. I'll tell you if I get sick of it... but I doubt that's going to happen this century, my Kitten."

_I stare at you, in a daze. What did I just say to you?? And your response can’t be right. I’m being far too adorable, and it’s unseemly, but I seem to have no control over it. Has *Lex* left a permanent state of cuteness??_

_Nnno... *can’t* be. When I sober up, things will be different. Won’t they?_

_“Kitten?” I repeat in disbelief._

"Sorry," I giggle. "It's just _so you_ \- lethal, ruthless, perfect killer, in an impossibly cute package..."

_Sweet_

_Cute_

_Kitten_

_Hmph. _

_I’ll have to consider this tomorrow, when I’m less plastered. _

_“I might have to kill you for that...” I say, my eyes half closed. “Which would be a crying shame. But fortunately for you, I’m far too indisposed.” I lay my head on your chest, yawning. _

_“Kitten,” I mutter, and my eyelids flutter shut._

"My sweet, soft kitten," I grin, but looking down is hard - it's where you are, which is good, but it also makes the room spin, which is less good.

Looking up at the lamp makes the room more stable, but it's a much less attractive sight.

I hear a little sound -

the cutest little snore -

ohh... you've fallen asleep and you're making the _sweetest_ little noise -

you never snore, unless you have a cold.

And, apparently, when you're drunk.

I guess I should sleep too...

I'm just - I don't want this evening to end...

I guess I could just lie here and feel you sleeping on my chest...

So comfortable...

_Warm..._

_Cosy..._

_Ohh... Fuzzy head... _

_Why is my bed all lumpy and misshapen?_

_My eyes appear to be glued shut... _

_Slowly I rub them and they blink open..._

_*Sebastian??* Why - am I sleeping on Sebastian?_

_Bits and pieces of dreams flit through my mind... or are they *memories*? _

_Meeting Alistair for drinks... _

_Sebastian disappearing in a huff and reappearing at Alistair's (!!!)_

_Sebastian begging my forgiveness and me throwing a vase of flowers at him... _

_But why then am I sleeping on him?_

_Everything that happened after the vase-throwing is a bit hazy... _

_I remember lying atop him on the kitchen floor... _

_My eyes widen._

_I gave him a rose?? _

_I told him I had feelings for him??_

_I groan softly. Oh. Fuck. This is why *you don't drink, Jimmy*!! _

_I have such rigid control over myself 98 per cent of the time... so if I embody a character, or more rarely, drink too much - then it's really easy to lose control. _

_ It's like I'm just *waiting for an excuse*, I think in frustration - then shake my head. _

_Well, some damage was done... how do I proceed?_

_Pretend it was all a joke? Or temporary insanity?_

_I feel a twinge of something. Something *very unpleasant*. I imagine your face crumpling with disappointment and despair._

_What the fuck is happening? Why are your feelings a factor?_

_Because..._

_*Because what, Jimmy?*_

_*Because*... I care how you feel, I realize in horror. _

_*Because*... I... *do* have feelings for you. _

_*Because* something happened last night... and it *got inside me*, and didn't straighten itself out by morning!! _

_But... *how can this be*?? I demand, wincing. Jim Moriarty doesn't develop feelings overnight!!_

_Not overnight, I realize with a shock._

_I feel strangely like crying. On your shoulder. And demanding you make me feel better, so I can tell you last night was a fluke. And then being comforted by you, until everything's better._

_Wait. Faulty logic there..._

_What the fuck do I do?? I really do want your comfort..._

I feel a stirring - there's someone on top of me?

Jim?

What the fuck are you doing lying on top of me?

Ugh, my head - I drank too much cheap shit last night - my throat feels like dried-out leather and my brain pounds -

Why did I -

_Oh_.

Oh -

Oh _fuck_.

You making out with this fairy. Me stomping off - _leaving_ you. Then feeling bad and - breaking into his apartment?! Heh -

Oh god.

Kneeling in front of you.

You -

Did that really happen or did I dream that bit?

Where you said you had _feelings_!? And you punched me and - wait - yes, that happened, I can feel my swollen lip -

Oh god.

You're going to kill me.

_OK. Don't panic, *for fuck's sake*... _

_You don't have to crush his heart, clearly that's of consideration now... _

_But you have to save face, somehow!_

_You're the genius..._

_*Not about things like this!!*_

_I don't care!! Use your genius, and *do* something, you *eejit*!_

_I yawn, then clear my throat. _

_"Sebastian, "I say in a drowsy voice. "Isn't this a fun surprise. Why the fuck did you let me drink so much??"_

You're awake.

Carefully I open my eyes. I can see the top of your head on my chest. Your voice sounds like gravel in a dry vat.

Why - did I let you drink so much? Like I had anything to say in the matter?!

Wait - do you remember what happened?!

What if you _forgot_!?

What - well you won't kill me, but -

could I just - go back, after -

oh god the chips - the selfie - the rose! What did I do with the rose??

"I'm afraid it had nothing to do with me... it appears to have been Alistair who poured you full of alcohol..."

_I look at you and roll my eyes. "*Please*... I'm hardly an impressionable schoolgirl, am I. Even Alexander knows what he's doing..."_

_The name... recognition of the events sparks between us, and something flares in your eyes. And I know I've inadvertently shown my hand. Shit. You saw. Too late to hide it. _

_And now there's worry in your expression... panic... impending sadness... _

_*Fuck*._

_"Tiger, you look like you're going to have an aneurism. Calm down," I snap. "I'm hung-over, not brain dead. I *remember*..."_

Yes - you remember.

Oh great.

What does that mean?

I look at you, desperately trying to search your face for any reminder of the kitten (_oh god I called him Kitten... I'm so dead_) from last night, but I can't find anything. You look - like you. Sound like you. Impatient.

You'll probably want your coffee soon.

I blink.

_It's alright_.

It's what I wanted last night, wasn't it? I just wanted him to forgive me... to take me back.

I'm back. I don't think you're going to kill me, though you may change your mind later.

I should - just go and make you coffee.

_*God*... your face. It's like I've taken your puppy away. _

_I feel a panicky sensation rising in my chest._

_*No*... like I've taken away your *Kitten*. _

_I feel you starting to shift, like you're going to roll me off you and get up. Your hands skim along my sides to steady me and lift me off you. I grab your wrists, and slam them down to the mattress over your head. _

_"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I ask, my eyes flashing. "I *said*, I *remember*..." the last word comes out as a purr. _

_I look down at you haughtily for a moment - then I capture your lips against mine in a kiss._

_What_ -

You look like you, arrogant, commanding, snappy -

But your words -

\- and then you kiss me.

Not like you usually kiss me. Not demanding, aggressive. My burst lip doesn't even hurt, that's how careful and gentle you're being.

_I said, I remember..._

What does that mean -

Do I dare -

hope -

_Seb._

Hmmm?

_I realize you're having an existential crisis right now, but you might want to start kissing him back before he decides you're not interested and smashes another vase._

Oh - god - yes -

My hands are pressed into the mattress, so I can't hold you, but I can kiss you like my life depends on it.

_Oh so this is happening now...? I hear Moriarty say with laziness, barely masking his impatience. _

_I groan internally. Do you never shut up?_

_Don't come crying to ME when this falls to pieces! Oh wait, of course you will, because you have NO ONE ELSE to fix your messes! he shrieks in a fury._

_Do you MIND? I have a hangover, and I'm a little busy at the moment... come back later. Much, much later, I respond haughtily._

_Later will be FAR too late... he whispers ominously, and with a flounce, he's gone. _

_I nearly cry with relief, as I can return my focus to your kiss. Which is growing more heated by the moment... _

_I break off and take a breath. Staring down at you, I arch an eyebrow. "Still want to get up?"_

_Then I glance down, and smile slyly. "*Oh*... it appears you do..."_

Kissing... kissing like there's no tomorrow, there's never been a yesterday, nothing exists but now...

... and then you look down at me and -

\- it's you again - the you from yesterday - Kitten-you -

Those eyes, so deep, so sweet, softest hazel in the morning light, tiny emerald flecks dancing in them...

Smiling - _joking_ -

I move, very carefully, so as not to scare the Kitten, lift my hips so I rub against you -

close my eyes and moan softly - right, hangover erection –

_You rub your cock against me, and moan. In the background of my mind, I sense directions from myself immediately... do this, don't do that, for fuck's sake, don't give him anything more..._

_God... no wonder Alexander had to take over for a while, to get away from this *constant fucking tyranny*..._

_I feel a sense of shock, and then a fuming retreat. _

_Now. What would Alexander do in this situation? _

_I feel my face light up. Oh. Yes. The little tramp always knows how to enjoy himself... he likely wouldn't do something to you, or order you to do something... it would be more like - taking an unbelievably hot, erotic journey together. _

_Mmm..._

_I reciprocate, rubbing myself against your cock... "Oh... Sebastian..." I murmur. "Last night I asked you what you wanted... tell me, Tiger..."_

_I stare down at you, and place your hands on my hips._

What – I want -

What I want.

Want. Right.

My mind is blank.

Hello? Sebastian?

I have my hands on your hips. And you are looking at me. And you are asking me what I want.

And I'm just staring at you like an idiot who's lost the power of speech.

Little Seb is twitching, assuring me that _he_ knows what we want. But all he can think of is _JimJimJimJimJim_, which is about on a par with what is going around in big Seb's brain.

_You have an order, soldier._

Oh. Yes. Oh thank god yes.

You ordered me. To tell you.

I don't know how to do words - but I must.

"I - want you..." I manage to whisper.

_I watch as your face grows blank. Aw. You're not used to this, poor lamb... being free to do what you like. _

_no wonder my dalliance with you as Alexander was so exciting... _

_And then - you speak. _

_God... all the big, muscular, lethal soldier in my bed wants is *me*... _

_It's *sweet* and so fucking *hot*... _

_"Oh, you *want* me..." I whisper back, continuing to rub wantonly against you. "How much, Tiger...?"_

Your look - so unlike any others I've seen. Amused, sweet(??), aroused, _loving(???)_

You look so fucking adorable and hot with your tousled hair, your sleepy grin, your small eyes - you look like a young boy, all innocence_(????)_ and playfulness -

I'll show you how much, you adorable fiend -

I move, you're underneath me, I growl and dive into your neck, all my senses on edge - too much? Does your body tense? Your hands ward? Your voice disapprove? But no, I hear a chuckle - a _chuckle_ \- and your hands wrap around me, pulling me closer as your cock rubs against mine.

_"Mmm... that much?" I say in a breathy voice, as you devour my neck. _

_My skin so warm, my face feeling flushed... _

_And you're all hardness and muscle, but god your skin is so soft to the touch..._

_I wrap my legs around your waist, pulling you even closer. _

_"I have it on good authority that Alexander loved it when you fucked him..." I whisper. "*Loved* your hard cock thrusting inside him... he went on and *on* about it, actually. And now that I'm back in the driver's seat... I'd like to see for myself..."_

_I look up at you in a daze, feeling like I'm going to burst into flames from your stare. "And... I *want you*, Tiger..." I breathe._

_God... if you don't fuck me now, I'm going to come apart at the seams..._

"I would love _nothing_ more than to fuck-"

Dare I say Jim Moriarty? Or will that evoke - him? Whoever him is?

"-you, with all the skill that Mr Wood enjoyed, and more..."

I seem to have found my voice back, at least.

I make my way down your chest, kissing that lovely skin, to where my best friend is waiting for me. Jim Moriarty, Douglas Lambert, Alexander Wood, they all have one thing in common - the most beautiful cock in the world, who is always happy to see me.

I kiss you, lick along your shaft, around your head, making you moan and grasp the sheets - the sheets, not my hair. Then I push your legs up and let my tongue descend - teasing your balls, then moving lower, quick swift licks across your perineum, making you groan and dig up the sheets a bit further.

_*Fuck*... I never felt physical sensations this intensely before... like I had placed a glass barrier over them, so I felt them at a distance. _

_God, it's almost *too much*... _

_"God... fuck... Sebastian," I rave as you lick and tease me, and then as your tongue flicks out over my sensitive flesh, I suck in my breath._

_I have to tense my jaw to stop myself from pleading with you, and I don't even know what I'd be asking for... please go easy? _

_please, *more*?_

_please, *take me*?_

_Well, I might suddenly be cute as a Kitten, but Jim Moriarty does not plead..._

_but apparently he does roll over slightly, bury his face in a pillow and moan like a wanton strumpet. _

_I guess we know where Alexander came from now... _

_there's nowhere to retreat to... nowhere to hide... _

_I pant as you do astounding things with your tongue... _

_"Oh... mother...*fucker*..." I groan helplessly, and my muscles begin to tremble._

Ohhhh, trembling already, you really are in a weakened state... Could I capture you?

Reluctantly I leave my best friend, move upwards, kissing your chest, then reach for the lube on the bedside table, head back down, slathering my fingers richly, starting to prepare you.

This is so different from when I fucked Alexander Wood. This isn't a roleplay, this isn't a game - it's you, and me.

'whatever I say in the morning... however I - act...'

Your words from last night.

'in case I disappear again... I wanted you from the first day we met... It was always you, Tiger...'

What is this fear of _disappearing_? And if you fear it - I am terrified of it. What if all of a sudden a wall slams down and this sweet Jim is gone, never to be seen again?

Well - I'll continue doing what I've always done. Serving Jim, whoever he is in that moment, and hoping that at some point sweet Jim will peek out again, and love him and kiss him and treat him marvellously, so he'll want to come out again... like a scared feral Kitten.

I move myself in position, cover my cock in lube, and push carefully.

_My body surrenders to your invasion with a moan, and you’re inside me... _

_Oh *god*... all the times we’ve fucked, and there have been *a lot*... even when you’ve topped, I’ve never felt anything like *this*. _

_So... hot... _

_So... *intimate*_

_Nowhere to hide... _

_Just you and me... _

_No wonder I’ve been hiding under my Moriarty armour all this time... the world is terrifying without it. *People* are terrifying without it. *You* - no. Not terrifying. _

_Not you._

_Never you. _

_You look down at me, and I want to gasp at the blueness of your eyes... it’s like diving into the ocean... being lost beneath the waves..._

_I never would have done this before. Never would have stared into your eyes before. _

_I was missing out... _

_thrusting against you with a groan, I pull you into a deep kiss._

You gasp as you look at me - and you look shocked, like you see me for the first time, _really_ see me. Like you've been looking at me from behind sunglasses so far, to protect your eyes from seeing what was _really_ there - a Tiger in love, who didn't know, because Tigers don't love, like Moriartys don't.

But here we are, defying the laws of nature and man.

You pull me into a kiss, and we melt together, as I move, gently, so unlike the hard soldier that came back from Canada to take his tramp, or the man who fucked Mr Wood - this is Sebastian Moran, the lover, not the fighter, carefully exploring the unknown territory of a Jim with feelings, treading tentatively so as not to wake the Moriartyrant, but not so tentatively as to make this uninteresting - there's nothing that makes you fly into a rage like me being _boring_.

But you don't seem bored at all - you seem swept away, clutching at me, pushing against me, moaning, kissing, and I slowly let myself relax, let myself believe that this is not going to be snatched away from me in an instant, that I can -

_make love with_ -

Jim Moriarty –

_I never actually knew sex could be like this... _

_maybe because every time it threatened to be sweet or passionate, I would shut that shit down immediately._

_Only... I didn't realize *this* was on the other side... _

_so slow and deep and languorous... _

_I always thought *slow* was so dull and tame..._

_There is *nothing dull about this*... _

_our pelvises pushing against each other, our bodies moving as one... _

_your cock so deep inside me... _

_I grind languidly against you, and I inhale sharply as you hit that sweet spot that hasn't had nearly enough attention in my life... _

_My head falls back against the pillow, and I moan softly, and hear you moan my name in response._

_God - my name on your lips again - _

_is everything... _

_There is *nothing tame about this*... _

_you have pierced me, and not just physically..._

_Like there's a tear in the centre of the construct of Jim Moriarty (!!!), and *you're* pouring through - upsetting the order of the universe that has reigned supreme for a lifetime..._

_oh god, oh *god*... _

_"Fuck, Sebastian..." I hear myself whine. "Are you - trying to - ruin me?"_

_I grasp your face in my hands, and I'm delighted to see you look like you're in a daze, too._

_"If I'm not a terrifying psychopath on the other end of this, you'll have a lot to answer for, Tiger..." I growl. But I stare up at you, searching urgently for something in your face - validation that you're feeling what I'm feeling... that this all wasn't a terrible mistake..._

Trying to ruin you?

Am I hurting you? What -

Oh - not a terrifying psychopath - oh that bit of you -

Well, you're not suddenly going to go work in a charity shop, are you... and I can't imagine you not being terrifying if someone gets in your way...

But maybe... maybe you can be something more... just occasionally, just with me... it will be our secret; I won't tell a soul.

I look into your eyes and - oh god your face -

You look so -

I can't find the words - this is not something that can happen, not with Jim Moriarty -

_vulnerable!?_

_scared!?!_

How - with _me_?? of _me_??

Oh god - oh god you've never felt love before - you're a teenage boy who has his first crush and I remember all too well how _devastating_ that is -

And your first crush is a 38-year-old soldier who's never said anything about love and it must be so terrifying -

I feel my heart melting into a warm hot puddle, while it's also trying to leap out of my chest and into yours.

_God_, vulnerable Jim Moriarty _does_ things to me - I want to hold you, kiss you, protect you from _everything_ \- give me a grizzly to wrestle -

I lean down, kiss you, bend low to your ear.

"I love you, Jim."

My heart races in my chest. Can I -

is this -

alright?

_God you're staring at me with those beautiful eyes, and your face is so soft - not in a pitying way, but like you want... more... _

_you want *me*... _

_My chest feels like it's cracking open..._

_Then I hear *the words*... _

_And I know I heard them last night, but they were whisky-soaked and playful._

_Now I feel them echoing, bouncing, lighting me up like a bloody pinball machine. There are bells going off, disorienting me..._

_Part of me *doesn't want* to hear the words... The Moriarty part of me is recoiling - yelling and banging at the door to be let in so he can take over..._

_But I can just imagine what he'd say and do... _

_Meanwhile, the *Jimmy* part of me, the part that I'm slowly realizing has been there all the time, sitting sadly in a room in my mind... he feels swept away by this blond, blue-eyed gorgeous man who's *sweet*, and *protective* and *devoted*..._

_He *loves* me..._

_If I could have had this at 15... how different my life could have been... _

_But... can I really just *have* this now?_

_"I -" my throat tightens, and I close my eyes briefly. _

_When I look back you're looking concerned - of course you are... _

_"Tiger -"_

_I take a breath, then smile at the absurdity. That I can master a mighty Tiger, London, the entire bloody world, and still get tripped up by tiny little words. _

_"Fuck's sake. I love you. *There*."_

_Shakily I pull you into another kiss. "Can we get back to what we were doing?" I breathe, eyes half closing. "Alex was right. You're *amazing*..."_

Your heart is pounding at my words - is that good or bad? Are you going to –

_Freeze up_

_Laugh at me_

_Kick me out_

Your mouth opens, you say - _I_

\- and your eyes close -

oh god - what!?

_Fuck's sake. I love you. There._

I'm -

_gobsmackedelateddumbfoundedecstatic_ -

and then your kiss is on my mouth, and you ask if we can get back to what we were doing - oh - oh yes I was fucking you, fucking the most beautiful man in the world, fucking this sweet boy with his tousled bedhead, fucking _Jim Motherfucking Moriarty_, baby, fucking the Man I Love -

I kiss you back, heated, stormily, and resume my movement, taking you in as much as I can, tasting you with my tongue, feeling you with my cock, holding you with my hands, and _claiming_ you; unthinkable, my claiming you, but it's what I long for and you _let_ me, my tongue in your mouth, my cock in your arse, my fingers digging into your shoulders -

_mine_

_oh god MINE_-

_Mmm, you seem so overcome by desire, as you kiss me like a mad thing... as you grasp me to you like I belong to you. This would have been anathema to me twelve hours ago... _

_now it's just - so - *hot*..._

_I've always known how much I turn you on... And deep down, I even knew you had a thing for me... how could I not?? It just wasn't relevant to me, so I didn't look too closely at it. And you kept it locked up tight, so it was something I didn't really think about._

_Now that I'm seeing it unleashed, it's *so fucking beautiful*... _

_god... a Tiger in love is like a *force of nature*..._

_You were built for this, weren't you - love. You're in your element _ _as you fuck me so powerfully, making me moan into your mouth..._

_God... and I thought I was the farthest thing from someone capable of love. _

_But maybe just maybe... your love is enough to show me how to bridge the gap - between who I am and someone worthy of the love of a Tiger. _

_Because at heart I'm selfish, Sebastian... If you offer me something so beautiful as yourself, I'm not going to turn it down out of a sense of altruism. Fuck that. I want. I take. _

_You're mine now. End of story._

_And from the way you're looking at me, I guess I'm yours - and instead of freaking me out, it makes me *glow*._

_*Me*. _

_Because fifteen-year-old me is swooning at the older boy with the blue eyes - the one who murmurs my name like a prayer, and kisses me like I'm his dream come true..._

_Fuck. You've turned me into a gushing schoolboy, but maybe that's OK. I never had this. I want this. It's mine._

_You moan, grasping my thigh and lifting it higher as you thrust deeper into me. My head falls back and I groan. "God - all this time you've been holding back, Tiger," I pant. "No more - I want it *all*..."_

_I've_ been holding back!?

Holding _back_!?

You -

Little fucker - I chuckle. You've kept me walking on fucking eggshells since the moment I met you -

Alright then, no holding back.

Prepare to be fucked by the Tiger.

I growl, grab your right hand with my left, push it into the pillow next to your head, bite your neck, and _pound_ into you - _fuck_ \- oh fuck oh god oh god _sogood_ -

"Jim - _fuck_-"

_You look stunned, and I have to bite my lip not to laugh. _

_But then - oh. _

_*Oh*..._

_"*God*- *Tiger*," I manage to groan as I'm being fucked into the mattress, down and dirty, and *oh god*, I should have let you off the leash before, but how could I know??_

"Yes... _your_ Tiger..." I thrust and thrust and oh _god_ -

"Jim - oh god Jim - I'm -"

_coming_

_Your orgasm comes hard and fast and you're rocking and shaking against me, groaning with pleasure. _

_It's *extremely* hot... and now I want *mine*._

_I blink up at you languidly as you fall against me, panting. _

_"Are we forgetting something?" I drawl as you push your hair out of your eyes and look at me in a daze. _

_I may be in love, but I'm still Moriarty, I think with pleasure._

Oh... yes... no... don't worry, just...

... breath...

Yeah - OK - air -

You are looking impatient - jesus - no wonder it's the rule that you come first, and I may come second if I'm lucky.

I don't want to just - grope you -

You deserve the best - always, but especially now -

I slide out of you, let myself fall onto the bed, and draw you onto your side, then take your beautiful hard cock into my mouth.

_Yes darling, you *have* barely just come yourself... I can be *so* unreasonable... _

_but it gives me pleasure to do so, and you've always been incredibly responsive to it. So it wouldn't do to suddenly go all considerate and thoughtful and sensitive... just because the love bug sank its razor-sharp teeth into me. _

_No. I'll figure out the perfect mix of sweet and impossible... loving and dominating... cuddly and sadistic... _

_If I know you, and I believe I do... you will be *intoxicated* by it, and tumble head over heels madly in love, even more so._

_*Mad love*... yes. The only kind of love Jim Moriarty can possibly hope to puzzle out... _

_You've pushed your post-orgasm stupor aside enough to pull out, flop onto the bed, and reposition yourself. _

_*Oh*. _

_*Very* nice... _

_You glance at me, and I give you a look as if to say 'What are you waiting for?', followed by an impish smile. _

_And when you start to suck me off, it's fucking glorious. _

_God..._

_Tiger..._

_*Yes*..._

Your sounds are a delight. You are often guarded during sex, not letting yourself show your appreciation too much, keeping yourself under as tight control as me - but now you seem to just let it happen, let yourself be carried away, let the pleasure roll through you as you moan and gasp under my mouth.

I love this - I adore giving you pleasure, any time; I genuinely love being on my knees with your cock in my mouth, but this responsiveness, with the immediate reward of a particularly enthusiastic gasp or shiver or groan when I pull out one of my special tricks, is the best.

Soon you are trembling, your moans coming non-stop, I feel your balls contracting, and yes... my reward, your pleasure in my mouth... so familiar, so special...

_*Fuck*... _

_*me*..._

_*YesTigerYes*... _

_I come in shuddering spurts _ _into your mouth, gasping and moaning deliriously... _

_Fuck... is this what sex is _ _like now??_

_Grinning, you move up to _ _where I've flopped over in a daze. Then you tentatively slide your arms around _ _me. After a moment's pause, I do the same. So strange, so alien, and so _ _comforting... moments pass entangled in a damp, sweaty heap, wrapped up in each _ _other's limbs and breath and sighs... Eventually I look up at you with one eye. _

_"That was..." My _ _voice comes out like a rusty squeak, and I clear my throat. "Mmm. *Well*."_

I move up, to yet another potential hurdle. After last night, I was scared of what might happen this morning. Hearing you say you love me was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever woken up to.

But how are you going to be after your orgasm? You usually get businesslike immediately after, with my orgasm a quick perfunctory thing or left to me, or, worse or better, I can never decide, denied for you to deal with later.

Now you look entirely different though. Almost - soft. Relaxed; your eyes smiling.

“Wow.” I sigh.

_I find myself in the very strange position of being entangled with a blond, blue-eyed hulk of a man who's sighing and staring at me in a downright dreamy fashion. I blink, and try to shake off my own stupor. _

_"Well. No one would _ _believe it if they saw the two most dangerous men in London gawping at each _ _other like a pair of moon-eyed idiots," I say wryly, then yawn as I _ _stretch. "But then... *Fuck* the world. It would probably make their tiny _ _minds shatter," I say with a smirk. "Imagine the Ice Man's expression _ _if he could see us now... he'd probably spray his tea all over his top-secret _ _files... it would be almost worth it sending him a picture, wouldn't it, _ _Sebbie?"_

_Suddenly I remember _ _something from last night... sitting on the bed, smiling and... posing for your _ _phone. _

_"Did we... take a _ _selfie last night??" _

_I cover my face, groaning._

_"God... I'm afraid to look..."_

"Oh god yes we did," I snigger, dangle my arm out of the bed, find my phone on top of my trousers.

The picture is blurry and the angle is weird, but it is the most beautiful photograph I have ever seen.

We both look utterly shitfaced, but _so __happy_.

"Look at those two idiots," I smile fondly.

"_One_ idiot and a genius," you respond primly, but grinning.

I turn towards you, looking at your face. Your eyes are red and small, your hair is all over the place, and your breath smells like you've swallowed a distillery, but I don't think you've ever been more lovely. You look pleased, relaxed, impish, happy. I'm not sure if I've ever seen you properly happy before.

Suddenly you grow blurry. I wipe at my eyes quickly, but of course you've seen it -

"Seb - what's wrong?" Your voice sounds worried.

"Nothing - just - you're just - the most beautiful fucking sight I've ever seen," I sigh, my face rubbing my pillow.


	8. Closer

_Momentarily confused, I just stare at you for a moment. _

_The beautiful Tiger in my bed is crying because... _

_because... _

_he loves me? _

_There is some absolutely *scathing* commentary about to stream through my head compliments of a certain psychopath, and I clamp down on it hard. _

_I don't think so. _

_Crying! Moriarty snarls. Your killer Tiger is *crying*... are you going to *let this happen*?_

_Didn't I tell you to leave? *Piss off*, I snap back, as a feeling of fascination slowly grows in me. _

_Fifteen-year old me, who as it turns out was buried in the psyche of a psychopath, has been waiting for this for a very long time..._

_Fifteen-year old me thinks nothing of pouncing on you and kissing you soundly. _

_"The most beautiful fucking sight you've ever seen is delighted to hear it..." I murmur against your lips._

Oh - I'm pounced by a beautiful Kitten, kissing and being sweet...

My entire chest feels warm - it's like my heart just cracked and hot liquid is seeping out to fill my torso.

I assume that's not something to worry about?

I can't begin to describe how relieved I am to see you relaxed and playful and cute...

I grab you close, smother you in kisses, growl in your neck, making you giggle - my god have I ever heard you _giggle_!?

I look at you - did I bring the right criminal psychopath home? I didn't accidentally meet an identical twin, did I?

"What are you looking at, Sebastian?" you smile.

"It's just - I've never ever seen this side of you. Playful. Light..._happy_. I - I love it."

_I consider this. "Well, you're not the only one... I thought this part of me died a long time ago..." I look at you, perplexed. _

_"And now you've *brought it out*, and I don't know what to do with it, Sebastian!" I accuse. "Do I just continue with my work, being a criminal mastermind, and - what? Have picnics in the park on weekends??" _

_My brow furrows. "Scratch that. No picnics anywhere there are *insects*... but you do get my point, don't you, darling? The very *thought*... I don't know *how* to be a human, or a... boyfriend, or..." My mouth drops open. "Is that what we are??" I demand before falling across your chest in a fit of laughter. "Oh god - Your *boyfriend* is *Jim Moriarty*..." I choke out amidst my helpless laughter. "You *poor thing*! You didn't think this through *at all*, Tiger..."_

"No, I didn't," I admit, grinning. "I didn't think _any_ of this through. I didn't really have the time. I mean, there I was getting more and more jealous at my boyfriend-to-be, though I didn't have a clue about that at that point, flirting with and _kissing_ this distasteful man; then I was off, telling Freddy I was heading home, then a second later I changed my mind and went back - and you were gone - with that guy..." I swallow at the memory of the empty club.

"So then I had a good heart-to-heart with a rhododendron, and he agreed that abandoning you was the worst thing I could have done and I should head back to beg your forgiveness. I should go back to that square with some... compost or something, to thank him - he was a very wise shrub..."

_“How *helpful* in your time of need. A thank you gift would be lovely, but compost? Although I’m not sure what else would be appropriate for flora... probably not flowers.”_

_Suddenly another memory comes flooding back to me. _

_“I gave you something -“ I say slowly. “A rose?”_

_Your eyes light up and I stroke your face, shaking my head in amazement. “Very romantic gesture for a psychopath. Good lord. I mean - sure, it was *available*...” Once again, I’m giggling into your chest. _

_“The look on Liz’s face!” I howl, shaking with laughter. “Waking up on the f-floor - seeing me on top of you - with all the f-flowers - and broken glass - *God* - what a pair of *drama queens* -“_

"You are! I am - well - I only stole a car to get to you - and climbed to some guy's balcony - I _considered_ getting the doorman to take me up and then shooting him, so I deserve points for that - scared the shit out of him, then _fell to my knees_ for you - oh god - and then the roses - wait - the rose!"

I start upright - what did I do with the rose?! I don't remember seeing it after we got home -

I move out of the bed, you whine and grab for me, which is incredibly cute, but -

"Jim, the rose? Do you remember what I did with it?"

_“I was rather drunk, as you may recall,” I say, feeling somewhat testy that you’ve left the sanctuary of bed. _

_“I don’t know, Sebastian... how did we get here?” _

_ I close my eyes briefly. “Oh god, Freddy... well, he’s probably used to our drama and hormones by now. The car? The living room? Where are your clothes?”_

_Suddenly, I sit up. “Get back into bed, foolish Tiger...”_

_You look surprised, but do as instructed._

_I get up and see the clothes from last night. - carelessly strewn all over the floor. Including my *beautiful suit*... _

_Then I look up at the dresser - the rose is there, dead centre._

_I can just imagine you placing it so carefully... _

_I pick it up and carry it back to you. _

_“For you...” I say and gently caress the rose over your face. “My beautiful Tiger...”_

Oh god - Jim. Jim Moriarty. Handing me a rose. And calling me his beautiful Tiger.

I am shattering into a hundred thousand pieces like yesterday's crystal vase.

How on _Earth_ did this happen?!

I surreptitiously pinch myself to check if I'm not dreaming - of course you notice; you notice everything, and grin.

"Afraid I'm a figment of your dreams, Tiger?"

"Makes a change from the spectre of my nightmares," I reply, and you play-slap me with the rose.

"Oi! Careful!" I call, rescuing my rose. "This rose will be preserved into history, put into the British Museum as evidence that Jim Moriarty is, in fact, human." I look into your eyes, still amazed I can get away with this; afraid you'll disappear again.

"Jim - I'm - I don't quite know how to ask this, but -"

How do you ask your brand-new boyfriend if he's going to turn into a monster again?

"- have you - changed? Like - are you a different person? Or - is this an extra part of you that gets to come out sometimes? Or -

I'm sorry, this must sound stupid, but I have - no idea..."

_My brow furrows as I consider your question. "God, Sebastian... you'd be stupid *not* to have these thoughts... but I have no idea!"_

_I look at you, bewildered. "Last night I was drunk and confused about what was happening... and when you showed up, I *felt* something for you... after not letting myself feel anything in fucking forever. If that was going to just disappear, wouldn't it have vanished by this morning?" _

_I rub my face. "But it *didn't*. And I feel more like my usual self now... just with this extra bit..." I consider this for a moment. "This black little heart of mine. It's like... it's come back to life - but only for *you*. Does that make me a different person?" I take a deep breath as I plumb the depths of the being known as Jim Moriarty. _

_"Well. All this confusion and chaos... makes me want to rip someone *to shreds*. Having feelings makes me so *on edge*... In a way, it would be so much easier to just go back to being who I was," I admit, a hollow feeling in my chest. *Nooo*. _

_"But to bury these feelings, I would be... oh, *Christ*... beyond miserable..." I wince. "I had a death wish before. There really would be no fucking point... if I had to deny myself the one thing I've ever-"_

_I break off, and my lip trembles as I stare at you._

_Death wish!?_

_MY JIM!?_

I stare at you, horrified.

"What do you mean - death wish?"

I'm your fucking _bodyguard_ \- I'm supposed to keep you from –

that -

though - from what you say; it sounds like that's what I might be doing?

_I cover my face with my hands. "Fuck..." I mutter._

_"I was never meant to be long for this world, Tiger..."_

_I take a long pause to take a few deep breaths. I'm not used to divulging things about myself and it's starting to freak me out._

_"It wasn't going to be anytime in the near future... and I don't even know the details. I needed to find the ultimate game to play, first. With the ultimate players... someone who would challenge me, and keep me from feeling so bloody bored all the time -" -*alone* - "...and somehow, I knew - that I would *win*, and I wouldn't make it out alive..." _

_I take in a shaky breath. "And I didn't even care about that. The thought was a *relief*. It was a *blessing* - something to get me through those long dark nights alone..." _

_I look at you, suddenly scared. Why did I tell you all that?_

_Does this mean... the plan has changed??_

_never meant to be long for this world_

_so bloody bored all the time_

_wouldn't make it out alive_

_relief_

God –

Jim –

no –

I can't speak, there's a lump in my throat that's too large to bypass.

All I can do is stare at you in disbelief, concern, fear -

_I just got you, I can't lose you -_

I could never lose you...

From the moment I was with you, you were - my boss, my idol, what I dreamed about at night and thought about during the day, the only fucking thing that ever mattered in my life -

And you were going to _go_!?

Oh shit you're going blurry again.

I still can't speak, can't express -

I reach out my hand, pull you close. I need to touch you...

_Oh god... your eyes... such pain... _

_and you're crying again??_

_How am I supposed to keep it together when you-_

_‘So pathetic’... Moriarty sniggers in my mind. ‘So WEAK... are you going to cut him loose now or should I take care of this for you, darling-‘_

_I don't know, I just don't know- _

_My chin is now trembling. Oh god oh god... _

_‘Don't let him see that, you fool,’ Moriarty snaps. ‘What have we learned? If you let yourself be vulnerable... you're DONE FOR...’_

_Not... Sebastian? I plead. He wouldn't hurt me..._

_‘Everyone will hurt you,’ Moriarty purrs. _

_Despair is filling me, a cold hand is squeezing my newly awakened heart, so tender to the touch..._

_My muscles begin to shiver. And then strong arms are drawing me closer, gathering me against a warm chest. I've been pulled from a living nightmare, and you're holding me as you always do after I've woken up in terror. _

_I rest my head against your chest, shaking. "Don't let me go, Sebbie," I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut. "I don't know how to *do* this..."_

You're - shaking -

Oh god. You're afraid. This -

how does one handle it if one's god is trembling in fear?

One trembles oneself –

this can't happen –

we don't _do_ fear. Neither of us. Only after a nightmare, and we don't talk about those in the cold light of day.

But here you are, shivering like a fledgling fallen from the nest too soon, and I'm petrified - can only hold on to you -

I fold your legs around me so you're sitting on my lap, hold you close as you grasp onto me like I'm the one thing between you and drowning.

You've never said you don't know how to do _anything_. You always know.

And I realize I have come to rely on that - Jim always knows what to do. No matter what happens, Jim will make it alright. I'm smart enough, can think on my feet in emergency situations, that's how I got to where I am; but you - you are a genius. You can solve any issue, no matter how desperate. And you - wanted to die. Were bored. Were alone.

And are holding on to me forlornly, asking me not to let you go, admitting you are out of your depth...

My heart, which was lying shattered and molten in my rib cage, gathers itself together again.

My Jim.

My Jim is holding onto me for comfort, for rescue from whatever is threatening him, and by god, he will get it.

"Jim..." I whisper. " I don't know how to do this either. I have never...

but. I know how to do one thing. Protect you. Keep you safe. It's my reason for living.

You are a genius; I am a survivor. Together, we will be able to work this out. I will do anything you need. I will never let you go, not even if you go back to - well, being cold again. But - I don't want you to. I want to wake up every day and see what I saw this morning - you, smiling. Happy."

_I can’t stop shaking. The dispassionate part of my mind is telling me this meltdown was inevitable - feeling emotions for the first time in years, opening my heart to someone - _

_It was bound to be overwhelming. _

_But I don’t feel overwhelmed so much as *terrified*..._

_And the only reason I’m not coming apart at the seams is that I have this beautiful, strong Tiger holding me... telling me the most beautiful things... _

_“Alright... you protect me, and we’ll figure it out. We’re not *complete* idiots...” I say dubiously. “And - I won’t be cold again...” I whisper into your neck. “I *need* you...”_

_“I need you too, Jim...” you murmur into my hair. _

_God, the things we’re saying to each other... It felt so hard before, and now I can’t stop these things from pouring out... Or from clinging to you like a trembling kitten. _

_And another memory comes streaming back - _

_“Last night, Tiger... did you call me - Kitten?” I bury my face in your neck. “Oh, darling... you realize I *am* going to have to murder you for that. For all of this, really._

_But first, there’s a lot that I never experienced before... and now I want it. So *you* are going to take me on a proper date... you’re going to pick me up in a car, and take me somewhere, and we’re going to pretend we haven’t already been fucking like deviant rabbits for a year and a half... and if you succeed in getting my pants off, well...” I press my lips to your neck. “I may just surprise you with my... proclivities...”_

My Jim is shaking like a leaf.

_MY_ Jim.

No way I am ever going to not be here for you. Wild horses couldn't drag me away, not with you so distraught, so small, so cold - _needing_ me...

Like I need you...

I never realized.

Never thought about it - never _allowed_ myself to think about it; how close we have grown to one another, how much we rely on each other. My life changed so completely since I met you - I never looked back. There I was, thinking my life was over after being kicked out of the SAS, and I met - a man, more than a man, someone who completely swept me off my feet by his genius, his ingenuity, his hotness, his cruelty...

I'm always one to dive head-first into whatever attracts my attention, but I've never dived as hard and as fast as I did with you. And you spun me into your web so smoothly and skilfully - hiring me, making me gag for you (not sure if that was a conscious move on your part or something that just happened), finally accepting me in your bed and taking me to heaven and hell, often in the space of one night... always together, killing, fighting, fucking; but also just sitting together, you on your laptop and me with a book, going nights without talking... or sleeping together and one of us having a nightmare and the other just holding him, a time in the night which doesn't count as real and is never mentioned in the morning... I have a bed in the apartment. It received my suitcase when I moved in; that's all the weight it's ever taken.

I've been yours since I met you... wanted to work with you, wanted to meet you, wanted to fuck you, wanted to be with you... this seems the logical next step. Wanting to love you. It would have been a logical step, if I would have allowed myself to think like that, but I never did - you are not human, don't care for such base emotions as love...

Except you do, you can love, and it's the most beautiful, fragile, volatile love I've ever seen, and I'll dive headfirst into _this_ without any hesitation.

But then you're suddenly so adorably _Jim_ again, threatening to murder me, and I chuckle, and then you demand I take you on a _date_, because you've never experienced one before, and _that_ makes me melt and my heart shatter again.

This really can't be healthy.

"I'll take you on a wonderful date... nothing is too much for my Kitten..."

_"Tonight," I demand. "And make it *special*..."_

_Then I burst out laughing, and my body is shaking for a much better reason than terror. _

_"Oh, Tiger... *You're* the foolish creature - who wanted to be with - *Jim Moriarty*." I gasp out in between laughs. "You have only yourself to blame - remember that..." Sniggering, I place my hands on either side of your face and grin at you impishly. _

_"Foolish, beautiful Tiger..." I sigh, and then the look in your eyes takes my breath away, and I press my lips to yours, and then we're kissing deeply, and I don't know if we'll ever be able to stop, and that's just fine with me, because if these are my last moments on earth, I'll be happy with this for always, just kiss me, my Tiger..._

Oh my god. I have been in some challenging situations in my time - but this might well be the most challenging of all. Taking _Jim Moriarty_ on a date... and surviving the experience. I mean, Alice did, kind of - but I'd rather survive the experience without being knocked out and abandoned. In fact, I am _pretty_ keen to get into Jim Moriarty's pants...

And it looks like I just might, judging from the way he is kissing me. This is nothing like the way he kissed Alice. It's sweet and intense and _genuine_, involving your entire body; your arms around me, legs pulling me closer, your heart racing in your chest, hand stroking my hair.

When you stop I'm torn - my caring side wants to make you breakfast, but also needs to keep holding you. I don't think it would be practical to have you around me like a sloth baby while I'm cooking bacon.

"Would you like breakfast? Or do you want to stay here and cuddle?"

_Jesus... Am I *so* clingy that you have to ask me this? _

_"Oh, breakfast sounds like just the thing for love-drunk criminal types..." I give you a wry smile as I get off your lap. Then I start mournfully gathering up my clothing. _

_"Fuck... was I *that* drunk? I let you come to bed with my beautiful suit on the floor?" I hold up the trousers and examine the fabric. "Well, they're wrinkled and *damp*... and there's a crushed rose petal... and a lovely fragment of crystal..."_

_I toss them into the laundry bin inside my cupboard. "Right. Let's see what the dry-cleaner can do... otherwise, I'll have to see the tailor about making a new suit from scratch..." _

_I look back at you. "Sebastian... I'm talking about something serious, and you're staring blatantly at my arse..."_

"Hmmm? Yes, serious arse... Sorry!" I shake my head to clear it.

"I shall prepare your breakfast forthwith. But first, my rose..." I pick it up from the bedside table, attach a bit of wire, hang it above the dresser.

"I will dry it and have it put in a paperweight to show the grandkids..." I smile.

_I roll my eyes, grab a pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt, and start pulling them on. "Grandkittens, maybe..." _

_My eyes widen, and I stop halfway through pulling down my t-shirt. _

_If I - against every bloody odd conceivable now have a boyfriend who I love and who adores me..._

_Does that mean-?_

_I can finally-?_

_Well, I won't bring it up *today*... 'I love you, let's raise kittens' is a little impulsive, even for me..._

_Right? Christ, Jimmy. *Yes*. _

_*Tomorrow* is plenty of time._

_Satisfied, I saunter to the bathroom to see what kind of state my hair is in._

In a pair of boxers I head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast - eggs, bacon, orange juice with sugar, coffee with sugar - years of heavy drinking means I know what to create to appease an aching head and stomach.

I notice I'm whistling - heh. Blondie.

As the eggs sizzle I sing.

_You're my king and I'm in heaven every time I look at you_

_When you smile it's like a dream_

_And I'm so lucky 'cause I found a boy like you_

Good god, I am like a teenager in love. And so incredibly happily so. Now I just need to plan the perfect date... for Jim Moriarty...

_Jimmy, Jimmy, je suis si fou de toi_

_Jimmy Jimmy, oh embrasse-moi ce soir_

_Jimmy Jimmy, un grand baiser d'éternité_

_In the bathroom, I stare at myself in horror - my hair appears to be escaping to one side of my head. I want to let out a bloodcurdling scream, which would of course have you running upstairs, and then I could freak out and throw things for relief._

_*No*, Jim. _

_No??_

_Do I have to rethink every impulse I feel, just because of the love bug with the vicious teeth?_

_I already know the answer... _

_Sulking, I douse my hair in water and begin to apply hair products. _

_*God*... this is going to be harder than I thought._

_I hear a sound, and I pause in my beautification and creep towards the door. _

_Aww. You're singing. And you sound *happy*. _

_I hear what sounds like my name, but this is a Blondie song... they don't have any songs about a Jimmy. _

_Brow furrowed, I return to the bathroom. Hm. _

_When my hair is as good as it's going to get without a shower, I saunter downstairs, with the scent of breakfast luring me forward eagerly. Then I stop short in the doorway of the kitchen. _

_Oh my god... You're singing into a spatula. _

_And grinding your hips. _

_To Britney Spears._

He is a villain by the devil's law

He is a killer just for fun, fun, fun, fun

That man's a snitch and unpredictable

He's got no conscience, he got none, none, none, none

_My mouth drops open. I didn't bring my phone down. How can I record this for ever and ever without my *phone*??_

_Oh-oh, I kno-ow, shoulda let go..._

"- oh."

There's a perplexed criminal in my kitchen, looking unsure if he should burst out laughing or just stand there being gobsmacked, so there are big eyes and a half-smile, which is so incredibly cute that I can't help myself -

_He's a bad boy with a tainted heart!_

I waltz over to you and plant a big kiss on your forehead.

"... and I know that wasn't smart."

_The old me would have laughed his arse off, said something scathing and left the room. I can see it clear as day. _

_I can feel my Moriarty nature perking up at the thought. _

_Not this time... _

_Jimmy’s in charge now. _

_I glide into the kitchen, and join you singing and dancing around the island. _

But mama I'm in love with a criminal

And this type of love isn't rational, it's physical

Mama please don't cry, I will be alright

All reason aside I just can't deny, I love that guy

_By the time the chorus is done, we’re singing loudly and off-key. _

_I sidle up as I sing the next verse to you. _

And he's got my name,

Tattooed on his arm his lucky charm

_I brush my fingers over your chest where I carved an M that fateful night when you first surrendered to me. _

So I guess it's okay he's with me

And I hear people talk

Trying to make remarks keep us apart

_I press myself against you, gazing into your eyes. _

But I don't even hear

I don't care

_Then I pull you into a kiss. A moment later I hear the spatula fall to the floor._

We're singing Britney Spears in the kitchen while cooking breakfast and dancing and kissing and I've definitely fallen through a portal and landed in a parallel reality. This isn't possible. Jim Moriarty is the grumpiest man alive before he's had his coffee. He will sing to Britney Spears sometimes - but not about being in love with a criminal - and then kiss me -

I feel a sharp sting on my back - shit, the bacon is spitting -

Reluctantly, I let go of you to turn it down and turn it over before it burns - where's my spatula - oh. Did I drop it? I didn't even notice...

I take a clean one, turn the bacon, look at you, grinning at me.

"I don't know if you had any plans for today, but I don't think I'm functioning quite properly..." I say, smiling inanely. "I'm dropping things and keep feeling hot... I think I may be coming down with something…"

I put breakfast on plates, with a big pot of coffee and a jar of orange juice.

I keep stealing glances at you, afraid you'll disappear if I don't. And why not - _you_ thought you'd disappear... what am I going to do if you do?

Burn that bridge when you get to it, soldier. Right now, you are two teenagers in love. Enjoy it.

_I sip my coffee, sighing with relief at the sweet caffeine rushing through me. I’ve been in a fairly good mood, considering how hungover I am... _

_but then... that’s a testament to how I feel about you._

_Still. Best for everyone to get some caffeine into me, which is likely why you suggested breakfast. No one is on top of my moods Iike you... _

_Feeling a mix of affection, respect, and... guilt (oh *god*, fuck, stop that, please!!), I push a forkful of bacon into my mouth - to give myself something to gnaw on other than my... *conscience??*_

_Oh motherfucking Christ..._

_I throw my fork onto my plate, and cover my eyes with my hands. _

_“Seriously? I have a conscience now? Guilt?? You could have *warned* me,” I protest, lowering my hands and staring at you with wide eyes._

_“News flash! I am feeling *terrible* about how I’ve treated you!” I announce indignantly. “How am I supposed to function, Sebastian??”_

You throw your fork onto your plate - oh, fuck. Here it is. The temper. Goodbye sweet honeymoon.

You cover your face - realized what you've done? How you don't want to be stupid like that?

But then you -

_What!?_

"How you've - treated me?" I repeat like an idiot. "You've - been wonderful -"

_“Wonderful?” I echo, aghast. “All the screaming... throwing things... *hitting* you... oh god... kissing Lizzy in front of you, and yelling at you for acting ‘jealous’??”_

_I lay my head on the table. “It never bothered me before being a monster...” I mutter ruefully._

Oh… that.

Well.

"Jim... I meant, you've been wonderful since last night. Before that... well..."

What do I say? I mean - it's just _you_. I didn't mind the screaming and throwing things that much. What I hated was the absence, the cold silences, the dismissals. The hitting me - well, in the right context that could be quite hot.

Oh.

Oh I hope that that's not going to... disappear - I mean - I love fucking but - you're not going to go all vanilla on me, are you?

_Anyway_ \- if we could stop thinking with our cock for a moment -

"Jim. I stayed, didn't I? I wasn't held here at gunpoint. Yeah, you can be a bit of a shit sometimes -" am I _saying that out loud_!? "but then, so can I. We're volatile violent men - it's bound to get heated, and I don't mind that, really. Yeah, you drive me up the walls sometimes, but - the good always outweighed the bad? I'm not some dependent person staying with you because I have nowhere else to go. I stay with you because I think you're fucking amazing, a genius, a god in bed, always surprising - my life has never been _dull_ with you."

You look at me sceptically, so I reach out, touch your cheek. "I loved being with you - even when I didn't realize I loved you. The only time I didn't was when you were cold and distant - literally or metaphorically. Yeah, ok, some of the violence was a bit one-sided and harsh - but I'm used to much worse. Physical pain doesn't bother me much. Nor does shouting or throwing things."

_I consider all this. What you’re saying makes sense... you wouldn’t have stayed if you hadn’t been getting something out of it - sure, people ‘get something out of’ being in fucked up situations, and that isn’t good. But you were able to list the good things - I’m hardly going to contest all that, am I._

_But the rest..._

_harsh violence._

_Cold and distant. _

_I wince, remembering. _

_Staring down at you with a bloody mouth, you smiling at me..._

_You struggling to breathe with a broken rib..._

_Being away for weeks, stubbornly not calling you, to punish you for something or other - what was it??_

_For getting too close. _

_For assuming intimacy._

_For making me feel._

_*FUCK.*_

_I want to leave and lock myself in my office. _

_Just sit under my desk and not think. _

_But - *literally distant*..._

_Suddenly I find myself throwing myself at you, sitting in your lap, with my arms wrapped about you. But this time I’m not clinging. This time I’m holding you._

_“Thank you for everything you did for me, Tiger... for staying when I didn’t deserve you,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry for the shitty things. I *will* make up for that, Sebastian... somehow. And I’ll try not to be cold and distant...” I sigh and rest my head on your shoulder._

_“You deserve better than that. And I’m going to give it to you... I have no idea how, of course...” I caress your hair, staring off distantly. “But then... who’s the mad genius? There’s nothing I can’t crack... I’ll just apply it to us, instead of evil plots. *As well as* evil plots,” I concede. I raise my head and look at you. “Your surprising, fucking amazing genius has set his sights on it.”_

_Your eyes are glowing, and you’re gazing at me so adoringly..._

_My fucking beautiful Tiger... I want to devour you whole._

_“And your god in bed... has set his sights on *you*...” I growl._

_I kiss you, and heat blazes up between us. _

_“Only... you’ll have to wait until tonight, Tiger...” I give you a lascivious smile, and press my pelvis against yours. “And no touching yourself... You’re saving it for me, honey...” I purr._

"Hmmm, my adorable mad genius... I look forward to you making things up to me... do I get a say in how? I can think of some things..." I say, looking into your blazing eyes. You bat your eyelashes coquettishly, then push yourself away resolutely. "Tonight, Tiger..."

I pout, but get back to my breakfast.

"So did you get what you needed from Alice?"

_“Oh. Yes. It was a triumph... and it will make him an even richer man... although I’m not sure how triumphant he’s feeling, since he not only didn’t get inside Mr Wood, but had to witness the shameless tramp grinding against his bodyguard... on Alice’s own kitchen floor...”_

_You look comically outraged, making me snigger into my coffee cup. “That... *unspeakable*... *hussy*...” you stage-whisper, clutching your chest in horror._

_I giggle and sip my coffee. Then I push my plate away and watch as you tip the remaining contents onto your own. _

_“Good idea, Tiger. Better load up on protein... you may need it,” I say and lick my lips before draining my cup. _

_You nod solemnly and stuff several rashers of bacon into your mouth, making me almost choke with laughter._

_“*Savage*,” I gasp, in between coughs._

_You wink at me, and make a growling noise as you chew._

I am loving this - just bantering, having a laugh with you - we've done this before, but it seems easier, more relaxed now. Like we are properly having a laugh _together_. It's hard to explain - before when we joked around I felt like there was always a side of you that was judging me. Or, even, judging yourself, I guess... not allowed to have a simple laugh with your bodyguard. You always kept such a tight rein on everyone, including yourself.

Is that different now? How long will it last?

Don't worry about that, Moran - just enjoy it.

I clean up breakfast while you go up to your office to work. I am singing again, though not too loud - don't want you to be disturbed and irritated.

I better start planning a good date. How does one woo James Moriarty?

And how incredibly surreal is it to be even contemplating that question?

_Full of breakfast (and strange, dreamy feelings), I settle into my office fortress behind a closed door. I check email, and find the signed initial agreement from Alice, which will lead to a formal contract. Pleased, I scan it carefully before forwarding it to my lawyers. I rattle off a quick, professional response from Lex, indicating receipt and estimated turnaround. _

_Then I begin to monitor the Empire..._

_Usually this takes hours, not because it has to necessarily, but because there is nothing I love more than to spend time perched on my web, reigning supreme... spinning new gleaming threads, plucking out old tattered ones that have lost their use. Admiring my handiwork. Revelling in the remaining traces of those that have foolishly crossed the Emperor - or attempted to take on any one of his numerous territories. _

_Time moves differently here... normally I’m barely aware of it, and an entire day (or more) can pass before I realize I should sleep, or eat something..._

_Things only make sense here. _

_*I* make sense here... it’s the only place I’ve ever belonged..._

_I don’t ever really want to leave, is the thing. But strangely, I keep having flashes of memories - you, grinning at me over your coffee cup... _

_holding me last night like something precious to you... _

_the look in your eyes when I gave you the rose..._

_fucking me this morning, your powerful thrusts and animalistic noises... _

_Oh god. I feel my cock getting hard, and blink as I realize time has passed, thinking of *you*. I glance at the clock. _

_Four o’clock?? What time did I even start?_

_Never mind. I close my laptop, stalk out of the office, and listen for sounds of you. _

_I find you in the living room, lying on a sofa and reading - _

_Your eyes light up when you see me, and you start getting up - you smile, and your mouth opens to speak - _

_I push you back down and plaster myself against you. _

_“Hi honey, how was your day,” I growl, before kissing you hungrily._

Oh god - you're still Sweet Jim. Is this - who you are now? You're beaming as you walk up to me, then pounce on me, kissing, growling, rubbing yourself against me - oh.

_Oh_.

I get a free pass before our date, do I?

Well I won't say no to that - but -

I'm a bit at a loss. Normally sex is easy - you do what you want, or give orders, and I do what is required, with gusto. Now - a hungrily kissing Jim - how am I supposed to respond to that? Well, I kiss back enthusiastically, of course, but then? Who is this new man I've somehow unleashed like a genie from a lamp?

_I break off the kiss, and we stare at each other panting. Your hands are gripping my back hard, your eyes are glazed with desire... _

_“No, Tiger,” I chide, breathily. “I didn’t change my mind... just a simple hello; that’s all...”_

_I look at you through hooded eyes. “Hello...” I purr, and a full second passes before we lunge at each other again. _

_“I mean it, now,” I gasp against your lips, as my pelvis grinds against yours. “You are not behaving like a proper gentleman, Sebastian Moran...”_

"I am awfully sorry, Sir," I growl into your neck. "I am sure normal gentlemanliness will resume in no time."

I tug at your shirt, pull it off you as you are digging under mine, briefly interrupting your kissing of my neck to drag it off, and then our chests are touching; your smooth cool skin against mine; your excitement plain in your loose jogging trousers.

"God - Jim..."

_I yank your trousers down over your hips. “You’re so full of shit, Sebastian” I growl back. “You’re *not* sorry in the slightest...” My breath hitches as you bite my neck. The next thing I know my own trousers and pants are being pulled down, as I seek out your lips again. We’re struggling to free ourselves from trouser legs, groaning in frustration - and then both pairs go flying, mine onto the floor, yours against a lamp, your tongue surges into my mouth triumphantly, and I moan at the delicious invasion. _

_“Fuck... Tiger...” I pant. “Obviously this doesn’t *count*. On your knees. Bend over for me, darling.”_

Yes oh god yes - trousers down, gorgeous Jim revealed in his full glory, kissing, struggling to get trousers away from legs, is there anything in this whole wide world that feels better than naked Jim on top of me? If there is, I've never felt it - you are so smooth, so hot, so sexy, so intoxicating -

and then your voice, beautiful, soft, authoritative...

_on your knees_

Words I've heard so often, in so many ways... whispered, purred, growled; spoken seductively, calmly, sternly - words which make me shiver and make Little Seb stand to attention.

I slide down, bend over the sofa, pushing myself towards you.

_I caress your arse, then smack it hard. “Just couldn’t wait, could you, Sebastian...” I murmur. “Mmm. You’ll pay for *that* later...” _

_I force myself to get up and go to the desk, where lube is spirited away in the top drawer. Then staring at your beautiful posture of surrender, I approach you. _

_“Looking forward to it aren’t you...” I growl, and grasp your arse possessively. My nails dig in and I separate your cheeks._

_“Ohh... So beautiful, and just waiting for me to claim it...” I lean in and whisper in your ear as I lube up my cock and your arse. “I will leave it beautifully red and stripy, don’t you fret, honey. But for now, I’m impatient... so I’ll just have to mark you as mine another way...”_

_My cock is pressing hard against your opening, and I feel a tremor of anticipation through your body. _

_“I rather like the idea of you acting the gentleman on our date with my seed inside you, Tiger...” I lick your ear, making you shiver. Then I bite your neck and push the head of my cock inside you. And oh- *oh* - _

_God..._

_Yes..._

_Tiger..._

_I push in deeper, and you groan. _

_“You’re quite right, Tiger,” I say breathily. “It *is* an excellent plan... let’s proceed so I can mark my territory...”_

_I pull out slightly and then back in so *deeply*. We both go still, muscles trembling. When you turn back to look at me with desire in your eyes, I grab your jaw and pull you into a heated kiss. Then I pull back and thrust in, and we both groan loudly._

I can’t say how relieved I am that you are still like *this* as well - ordering, slapping me, promising stripes and punishment... I worship you, and your discipline is an important aspect of that - I love you being sweet but I _need_ you being harsh. Yeah, I’m mental. But being bent over the sofa, softly claimed and promised pain, your nails digging into my arse, your teeth into my neck, then you pushing inside me, taking what is _yours_...

It makes me groan with pleasure and desire, and I turn back, have to look at you, and you grab me, kiss me, claiming me on both ends - and then _thrust_ \- a shudder goes through me and your groan mixes with mine as we feel this intense closeness, so deep inside me, me welcoming you, longing, loving, kneeling and bending over for the god of my existence to take his pleasure from me...

God, love has only added to my veneration, submission, worship. You are no longer just the centre of my mind, the focus of all my attention - you’ve gone much deeper, are in every cell of my body, in my heart, my soul... you are my one reason for living. After searching all my life, finally, finally, I am home.

_OhGod, you feel so amazing... _

_I didn’t realize how apprehensive I had been feeling about what fucking would be like with love... if the intensity would lessen, the fire would go out... _

_but in this moment... _

_I’m engulfed in flames, plunging into your body, my hands gripping your hips, you pushing back against me... _

_Fucking you from behind, it’s an effort to kiss you but I need your lips..._

_Again and again, I reach for you... _

_My arm goes over your shoulder, and I pull you back against me._

_“Fuck, Tiger...” I gasp, and grab your cock. I stroke you hard and possessively, making you moan._

You keep pulling me back, desperate to kiss me, moaning into my mouth, then grabbing my cock - so possessively - it is yours Jim, like all of me, like all the world is, and I will lay it at your feet.

This fuck feels so good - so perfect in its balance between the dominance you usually display and the loving Jim from this morning, merging my two true loves into one magnificent creature.

I groan at your expert strokes of my cock, in time with your thrusts into me, losing myself into the bliss.

_“Come when I do,” I whisper and lick your neck. _

_Then I start thrusting into you rhythmically, stroking you to the same beat._

_ShallowShallowDeep_

_ShallowShallowDeep_

_DeepDeepDeep_

_ShallowShallowDeep_

_By the end of one cycle, your head is falling back, and you’re groaning and shivering._

_“Not *before* I do,” I growl. I pull your head back by the hair, not missing a beat with my cock or my hand._

_“No - Sir -“ you pant, and I grin. _

_As I continue the rhythmic thrusting harder and faster, we both start moaning and shaking..._

Oh god you're doing things - things no human was meant to do - I'm sure of it -

Please, Jim, if you keep this up I'm going to _explode_ \- I won't be able to - I can't come before you I can't I can't I can't...

_Please_-

I'm groaning, desperately trying to keep my seed inside, when I hear your sounds - so familiar, so beloved - oh god yes - Jim - please...

_I have just started saying, “I’m com-“ when it’s swallowed by a deep moan as my orgasm pulls me under, yanking you with me, and dissolving us both into violent spasms of shuddering, crying out, gasping -_

_*Oh* - *god* -_

_Yes_ \- both Jims are inside me and coming, my God and my Love, and I will want to keep both forever, because having a God is great but having a God who Loves you is the best thing in the world, and now I've experienced this I will never ever ever let it go.

You thought I was loyal and possessive before? Experience the Tiger unleashed...

Speaking of unleashing the Tiger, I can finally let go of the pressure in my balls, and I _roar_ as I feel it pushing through my cock, spill onto the sofa - oh - god -

My nails scratch the expensive cloth as I frantically scramble for purchase, trying to hold onto something concrete to keep my grip on reality - oh - _god_ –

"JIM-"

_“Seb-“ comes out as a sigh, as I collapse against you, still wedged inside you. _

_I rest my cheek against your damp back, panting._

_Your back rises and falls as you struggle to return to normal breathing. I place a hand on your shoulder. I try to speak but all that comes out is “mmph”._

_Exhaling slowly, I pull out then sit down hard on the floor. You join me, and we lean back against the sofa, perspiring and breathing hard. _

_“The sofa is a mess,” I say drily. “*We’re* a mess. And oh, is that the time? I’m afraid I’m going to have to shower and get ready soon... I’ll have a gentleman caller coming by this evening. *He* won’t be lunging at me and tearing off my clothes, I’m sure,” I say loftily, and rest my head against your shoulder. “He’s a *proper* gentleman, unlike some of the ruffians you’ll find lounging_ _about here... reading spy novels and putting the moves on innocent criminals.”_

"A proper gentleman, you say?" I pant, when I got my breath back. I turn to look at you - you are so incredibly beautiful like this, your hair dishevelled, your face flushed, your eyes gleaming... I put my hand on yours, pull it towards me, kiss it.

"I'll have to kill him, of course. I couldn't possibly compete with him, but there is no way I will ever give you up now. Too bad..."

_“*Kill* him?” I reply, feigning shock. “Just like an assassin to turn to violence! So the proper gentleman won’t survive to take me out??” I sulk, taking your hand and playing with it._

_“Then... who’s going to show up at my door, Sebastian?” I murmur, kissing your little finger, and then sucking it._

"Well, you never know. It might yet be a dangerous assassin... coming to drag you off to a den of depravity." I smile.

I'm nervous as all hell. I have _no idea_ if you'll like what I have planned - you are the planner, I'm the follower. Even now - you planned that I would plan a date for you. Little controlling fucker...

Fuck I love you...

Now I've finally allowed myself to have feelings, it's like the floodgates have opened. Suddenly it seems like I've _always_ been in love with you. And maybe I have... I was just too - stubborn, chicken, whatever to notice. But it's flooding over me and through me now... filling every vein in my body with every beat of my heart.

_I love you_ as I look at you.

_I love you_ as I touch your smooth skin.

_I love you_ as you chuckle.

_I love you I love you fuck fuck fuck I love you_ as you turn and kiss me... kiss me again like you never used to kiss me, like you've started to last night, which just seems so - right...


	9. Take Me Out

_I break off from the kiss. _

_“Wait... A dangerous assassin may be on his way?” I stare up at you in mock terror, before my expression shifts to slyness. “I’d best get ready then... Don’t want to be dragged into a den of depravity without looking hot, beautiful and utterly fuckable, do I?” _

_You stare at me with such glowing desire and worship, I nearly forget to breathe. _

_I didn’t even plan to kiss you again - it just keeps happening. Even though we’ve *just fucked*, we’re snogging like there’s no tomorrow. Love makes absolutely no sense, I muse before losing myself in your lips completely._

We get up while somehow still kissing, walk to the shower, me picking up our discarded clothes en route. You start the shower, blazing hot, as usual, then look at me and _turn it down_ while I put the clothes in the laundry basket - I think I may faint. You - Jim - you're - being _thoughtful_ \- for _me_ -

I rush into the shower so I have an excuse for water on my face.

We shower like never before - cuddling and washing each other and kissing with water streaming over us, cleansing away the past, leaving only the present, which is warm, and wet, and wonderful. I have no idea how long we are under the blissful water, but when we get out, my hands are pruney and my skin glowing pink.

You make shooing motions - "Out, out, I have to get ready for my _date_," which fills me with a warm glow that has nothing to do with the shower.

I head to the spare bathroom where I trim my stubble, put on deodorant and a cologne you like, rub some stuff in my hair, and am ready in five minutes. I really don't know what you're doing in the bedroom that requires a full album of Britney Spears, but I am delighted that you are going through all that trouble for _me_...

I haven't been idle, Jim... I get my new suit from its bag. Yes, it's off the peg, but it's designer and expensive and it fits like it was made for me. I grin at my reflection. Tiger ready for the hottest date he's ever been on...

_Singing, I slide on my white shirt, and smooth out the stray creases. _

We're not so different you and me,

'Cause we both share our share of obscenities,

And everybody's got some freaky tendencies,

Hidden or admitted, 'cause we all got needs

_Hmm. I wonder what tonight will go like... I’ve been on fake dates before, even just last night. They never ended like that, though. I grin at myself in the full-length mirror as I tie my tie, and then check out all the angles of my reflection._

And I make no apologies,

I'm into phonography,

And I like my bluetooth buttons comin' loose,

I need my hands free,

Then I let my mind roam

Playing with my ring tone.

He got service, I got service,

Baby we can talk all night

_I realize I’ve stopped posing and admiring myself. I’m facing a mirror and thinking of *you*. _

_Weird._

_I’m also remembering the hotness of our texting when all this began... was it just two days ago?? _

_I reach in my pocket for my phone. Scrolling through our most recent messages, I smile slyly. Then I begin to type. _

Minutes to go... Who’s going to show up, I wonder? The gentleman, the assassin, or the assassin in disguise? Whoever arrives should come to the door like a proper date. Because it is a proper date, Tiger... even if the entire time I’ll be thinking of stripping you naked. And marking you. And fucking you. Can’t wait to see what you’ve planned!

_Ignoring the butterflies in my stomach, I slide on my grey jacket. Then I blow myself a kiss in the mirror. _

Let's talk about biology,

Make believe you’re next to me,

Phonography, phonography,

Talk that sexy talk to me,

Better make sure that the line is clean,

Keep it confidential, you and me.

Phonography, phonography,

Dirty talking, call it phonography

_I snap a picture of myself licking my lips, study it for a moment, then click Send._

As I'm putting on my shoes I get a text from you - oh - heh. Little controlling fucker. Good thing I had already planned to come to the door.

The rest of the text causes yet another warm glow to flood through me, though a bit lower. I adjust Little Seb in his cloth prison - not now. Big Seb first needs to prove himself... in front of the harshest judge in the world.

I considered and rejected so many options this afternoon... turning up in biker leathers on my bike, but you hate wearing a helmet because it messes up your hair. Going to the adult playground that's recently opened in London - I was _this_ close to offering them a ridiculous amount of money to clear out all the punters and have it open just for us - when I realized - you don't want a wacky date. Maybe later, sure, but this - if I'm not mistaken, and I don't think I am, this is your first proper date ever. The one you secretly dreamed of when you were a teenager. You say you're not romantic, but you love your romantic comedies, and I have a strong inkling that deep deep down inside, probably right next to where you'd buried your love bug, is the desire for a handsome man in a new suit to come to your door with roses and take you to dinner, a stroll past the river, dancing. Everything by the book, and everything perfect.

God, I hope I guessed right, and you don't think me boring. My stomach is all aflutter - it _is_ like a proper first date... with the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on... and the fact that he's been fucking me rotten for donkeys' is irrelevant.

As I head out to check if the car is there - I rented a car, rather than using one of our own, though I know the driver - I get another text, of an utterly delectable Jim licking his lips. I moan softly.

Oh god a _proper_ date... no dragging you into the loos for a quick handjob -

I take the bouquet of red roses from the driver - the same… kind? species? brand? rose-type - as the rose you got me yesterday - and ring the doorbell on cue.

_I look at my phone. Perfect timing, honey. _

_I send you a quick text. _

I’ll come down in a moment, darling. Wait with bated breath for me

_One last glance in the mirror - I’m smiling like a lunatic. Calm *the fuck down*, Jimmy. _

_You’re a criminal mastermind in charge of a sprawling Empire. You’ve been shagging each other senseless for over a year, and you’ve *already made him yours*. _

_My heart thuds in my chest. _

_Fuck. This is It._

_I’m going on a *Date*._

_With *Sebastian Moran*, I think dreamily, and a heady thrill makes my breath catch in my throat. _

_Then I burst out laughing and cover my face with my hands. _

_Jesus. This is insane. _

_Yes, he’s my *fucking dream man*, alright?_

_I look back in the mirror, wide-eyed and slightly panicky. _

_Remember how he looks at you, Jimmy. You’re his fucking dream too, his everything, his *god*..._

_So. Act like it... and go claim what’s yours._

_I look with determination in the mirror, and wait for the gleam to appear in my eyes. _

_*Now* I’m ready. _

_I sweep down the staircase, pointedly ignoring my racing heart. _

_Then I take a deep breath, and throw open the door. _

_*God*..._

_*Sebastian*_

_*ROSES*_

_*Pull*. *Yourself*. *Together*. *Jimmy*. _

_“Hello, Sebastian. *Oh*. So beautiful, darling... And the flowers are lovely, too.” I smile at you coyly, as you hand me the stunning bouquet. “I believe I’m to say something like ‘Let me just put these in water!’. I’ll just-” My smile falters. I must have a vase. Where the fuck would it be??_

You look _stunning_ \- a light grey suit, a pleasing contrast with my trusted black. Your hair styled to perfection, you put on some lightly tinted foundation to make your skin glow; and your eyes sparkle.

You look lost with the flowers - oh god - have I never bought you flowers before?? Well no - of course I haven't - I'm tempted to take them from you and rush to find a vase, but that would spoil the game - a shame you threw that Ming you had on a pedestal at my head three months ago. Still - we must have a _vase_, right?

I rack my brain. No, we don't.

Damn! Sebastian, you _idiot!_ Spoiled the date before it's begun! I mentally crumple, but you suddenly smile. "Do come in, I'll just put these in some water; they're so lovely..."

You head to the kitchen while I follow puzzled, and get out the huge beer glass you got me in Germany, fill it with water, add the little sachet that florists always include, remove the paper, and sink the roses into the Krug, then give me a dazzling smile.

"These are beautiful, Sebastian."

"Not half as beautiful as you," I answer, smoothness recovered for now. "We have a car waiting downstairs - shall we?" I gallantly help you into your coat and press the button for the lift.

The car has Queen playing - the one band we both love. I open the door for you. I always open the car door for you, but tonight it feels special - not like a bodyguard for his boss, but a suitor for his date. I get in on the other side, and the driver takes us to a Japanese restaurant in Bloomsbury. I booked us a private room, all soft lighting and bamboo screens, and a proper table - I am all for authentic Japanese food and know my way around chopsticks, but European suits were not made for cross-legged sitting at low tables. A bottle of (also non-Japanese) champagne is waiting in an ice bucket, and one waiter pours us both a flute as two others pull out our chairs.

_I’m feeling downright dazzled by the time we get to the restaurant. _

_The flowers, the car, the beautiful private room... and above all, your gallantry and polished demeanour, contrasted with your playful smile and the possessive, hungry look you keep giving me. _

_Alistair could have arranged all these things for me, and more - and maybe as Alexander, I would have been giddy for a time. But Jimmy wouldn’t have felt a *thing*. _

_Not like this..._

_I stare across the table at you, dazed and completely out of my element. Champagne is poured, and I find myself with a flute pressed into my hand. _

_I blink at you. “Do you want to make a toast, Sebastian?” I ask demurely. _

_God. Since when am I a shrinking violet??_

_I wait until you open your mouth to speak, and then rub my calf against yours under the table._

You look so beautiful and - actually pleased? Jim Moriarty, the coldest most aloof man in the world, looks - happy and proud at my making a fuss of him. Oh god - if I had had any idea - I would have done this much, much earlier. But I didn't, and I don't think you would have appreciated it before last night - you would have ridiculed me, thrown the roses in the bin, asked what on earth I was thinking.

You needed some serious walls breached, and they were high and thick and cold...

But this, this you that you are allowing out tonight, whom I've only ever seen the tiniest glimpses of before, is delighted with everything I do, and that just spurs me into being the most courteous gentleman you've ever encountered. I wish there were fewer waiters so I could pull out your chair for you, could uncork the champagne and pour it for you, but as it is, I am reduced to words.

Come on Seb. You've never lacked for sweet talk.

That was different. That was - normal people. Unimportant bit players. Not the God of my Existence.

"I do want to make a toast," I say, raising my glass, looking at your shining eyes, your expectant smile.

"I am not the one who is good with words. That is the man I am making the toast to. He is the genius, the man who can weave the most intricate webs with his words. But I do _want_ to make a toast to this man, because he deserves one. He is not only the most intelligent man I've ever met, he's the most beautiful, the funniest, the most interesting, the sexiest, and the most sophisticated. He is the one man who managed to tame the Tiger, not by suppressing his violent nature, but by sublimating it into his service.

This toast is to you, Jim. The man of my nightmares, the man of my daydreams, the man - in short - of my dreams.

Cheers." I clink my glass to yours.

_I'm expecting a short toast - playful, flirtatious, or sweet. Maybe all three. And that I'll be able to deliciously unsettle you through physical touch under the table. Instead I listen first in surprise, and then in stunned rapture as you encapsulate who I am... my effect on you... what I mean to you..._

_glowingly..._

_adoringly..._

_*reverently*... _

_By the time you clink my glass, I'm sitting completely still - utterly gobsmacked. _

_*What*... can I possibly say to *that*?? I stare at you as you take a sip, then I look at my glass in bewilderment. _

_I murmur something incomprehensible, and force the glass to my lips - maybe it will help. _

_As the fizzing liquid trickles down my throat, I feel the first rush of alcohol in my system - numbing my mind, making me tingly. _

_I find myself staring at my empty champagne flute. Nope. Doesn't help. I just feel myself getting more stupid by the moment. _

_You're looking at me in concern. Shit. *Say something, Jimmy*. _

_"Seb-" I say hoarsely, then cough behind my hand. _

_"Jim, are you -" you start, and I hold up my hand. _

_"I'm fine." I clear my throat, then shake my head. "I'm *not fine*. You've done the impossible - you've rendered me speechless. *Me*..." I press a hand to my chest. "No. That's not the impossible thing, and we both know it. You made a psychopath feel something for another... open his heart... and invite someone in..."_

_I shake my head again. "I don't know if you have *any comprehension* of how impossible this should have been, Sebastian! I've been monitoring myself for *two decades*... making sure nothing like this would happen. Making sure *no one* could get near enough to-"_

_I widen my eyes. "No one could, and 'someone' didn't. It was *you*. I was so used to my defences being locked up tight... but sometime over the last year, the lock had changed - and only a tiger-shaped key could fit..." I take your hand in mine, squeeze it... don't let go, Jimmy..._

_"So my toast is to the assassin and former SAS soldier who was able to sneak close enough to do it... brave and strong enough to withstand all the demons and dragons... and so loyal and devoted that it didn't even cross his bloody mind not to stray into such dangerous, treacherous territory." I break into a huge smile, but my eyes are gleaming with tears. _

_"You're mad," I whisper. "I told you over and over to stay away, every way I could. You didn't listen, Sebbie..."_

_I swipe at my eyes. "*God*. This isn't how dates normally go, is it. Or toasts. *To you*, Tiger. I'm out of fecking champagne..." I sniffle._

Quick, before the waiter comes - I grab the bottle, pour you another glass. Also to have the chance to blink a bit. A dashing suitor does not weep on dates.

Except your eyes are damp and you _never_ cry - never - I've seen you frown as they took a bullet out of your side, but not _cry_ \- not even after nightmares; you'll breathe heavily, sweat, shiver but as far as I was aware you had your tear ducts tied and _I_ never cried either and what the fuck is happening this is not supposed to happen on the perfect date -

I turn to the side, quickly wipe at my eyes with my napkin.

_Holding onto my newly filled glass, I watch you struggle to keep from breaking down. When you wipe your eyes, I have to fight to keep control. _

_“*Jaisus*...” I mutter, pressing a knuckle against each of my damp eyes. “Is this a date or a fecking... what is this, Sebbie?” _

_I blink at you, feeling trembly all over. We’re both on the verge of more tears, and I won’t have it. Not on my Date! _

_“Drink more,” I order, then drain my glass. _

_As you stare at me, I break into a grin. _

_“Fuck me... That helped. Now you, darling! And we’ll hold off on more toasts, for the moment... What happens next on a date?”_

Oh thank fuck you managed to stop the moisture before it leaked out. I knock back my glass as well, swallow, and there we go, breakdown averted.

What happens next?

"Next we order _another_ bottle of champagne, because this one appears to be running low, and I won't have my date going thirsty. But we shouldn't knock it back as quickly, because I don't want you wasted too early - it's going to be a long night..."

The waiter comes in and asks if we are ready for the menu. You ask if he has a Japanese one - you insufferable show-off... and it works, I'm looking at you with hearts for eyes as you make your order in what sounds to me like fluent Japanese. I order in English, thank you very much.

I raise my glass to you when he's left.

"Now, I think, we make conversation... getting to know each other, type of thing. Like - what's your favourite film?"

_Is this what we're doing now? The 'getting to you know' thing?? _

_I smile. "Ok. This is a first..." _

_Alright. I'm going in..._

_"Favourite film," I muse. "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day."_

_You laugh, and I raise an eyebrow. _

_"Something funny?" I say silkily._

Whoops - that was not a joke?!

Well done Sebastian. Laughed at his favourite film. Amazing empathy there. It's a wonder anyone ever went on a date with you.

Save yourself! Quick!

"Yes - it's hilarious. When Tigger scares himself in the mirror..." I grin.

Well done?

_“Oh, *Tigger*," I sigh happily. "When I was young, I always wanted a Tigger to cuddle with. Out of all of Pooh's little friends, he was so ridiculously charming. *So* vibrant... so... *bouncy*..." I smile at you slyly._

Phew. Good save Moran.

And then -

You wanted a _Tigger_ to cuddle with? Charming - vibrant - bouncy?!

I nearly bounce to your chair to knock you over like Tigger did to Pooh in the film, but I restrain myself - besides, I don't have a tail.

"Cuddles with a Tigger? I might be able to arrange that..." I smile. Then the waiter comes in with the starters, which look utterly delicious.

_"*Oh*... do keep me informed about the arrangements... that sounds *ever* so nice," I say innocently as the waiter serves us our plates of starters - I have the prawn tempura, and you settled on the seared scallop sashimi. We both make pleased sounds at the same time, and look up smiling. _

_"And your favourite film?" I ask, chasing down my tempura with more champagne._

Oh, wow. It's not like you to show an interest in people - other than finding out useful information from them.

"Raging Bull," I say. You raise your eyebrows - yeah, a bit different from yours.

"It's raw, uncomfortable, and genuine - amazing photography, incredible acting, showing the ugliness of violence as well as the hypnotic beauty of it, showing the abuse of power over real personal strength - it's breathtaking. Have you seen it?"

_“Of course... I make sure to engage in pop culture periodically so I can emulate human conversation. They do like to natter on about things, don’t they...”_

_I pop edamame into my mouth then look up, aghast. _

_“Ehm... That’s not the kind of thing one says on a date...is it.” I laugh helplessly behind my hand._

I chuckle. "Well, you've told me I natter on plenty of times before. And I do try to be the strong silent type - but I'm afraid that on dates that doesn't really fly.

So - I know you're not one for small talk, but I do have to say, I am happy to know what your favourite film is. And especially that Tigger is your favourite. In his stripy pyjamas..."

I take a bite from my scallop - ohhh, that's good. This restaurant came highly recommended, and where normally I hate posh places and prefer a decent chippy, this is _your_ date, and you love your high-brow eateries - giving me a nice excuse to enjoy some high-class cuisine. I close my eyes and make a purring sound, then offer you a bite.

_I nibble delicately. Seafood is not usually my go-to, but when it’s prepared in a beautiful establishment such as this, everything is excellent. And I take a petty, vicious delight in eating sea life - as though I’m showing the evil little creatures their place in the universe. “Apex predator, darlings,” I say with satisfaction as I chew._

"Oh, indeed. Who but the top of the food chain could hunt a static shellfish in shallow waters? Truly a feat worthy of renown!" I grin as I nab an edamame bean from your plate.

_“Oh, I didn’t factor in epic sarcasm and blatant thievery for acceptable date activities...” I say, watching you chew with gusto. “Whatever shall I do to keep up?” I snatch up your small bowl of miso soup and sip with pleasure._

"If we start a food fight already, what is this going to escalate into? Sushi barricades? Edamame pea guns? Wasabi ballistas? Inevitably, it will involve soy sauce on your suit, and that is unthinkable.

I surrender," I say with a grand gesture, leaving my plate wide open to attack.

_Loftily, I pick up a piece of yam tempura from your plate, and take small bites as I watch you grinning at me. _

_“This was a wise decision, Sebastian...” I murmur. “It bodes well for the future...” I brush my calf against yours again. “Oh... did I bump into you? Dreadfully sorry...” I gaze at you, as I move my knee against yours, pushing your leg slightly to the side._

Oh... no, no, no Boss. I was not going to drag you to the bogs to be ravaged. I was going to make this _last_.

Please don't test my resolve like this...

Your foot is moving up my leg, sending electric thrills up the leg _straight_ to the groin, of course...

The tablecloth is quite long. It wouldn't be the first time I sucked your cock in a restaurant...

But no. This is a _date_ and supposed to be charged with sexual tension, both of us anticipating what may happen later, which is _not_ a quick blowjob under the table.

I look at you, licking my lips.

_I watch as your pupils dilate and your breathing quickens... _

_Oh, my Tiger... don’t ever change. _

_I move my foot away, and give you a smouldering look. _

_“When you were growing up... did you have any pets?” I ask sweetly._

Hnnngh... pets?

Black eyes, looking at me in that way, that way that means that things are going to heat up very quickly...

... god...

_Fuck it._

I get up, move to the door, ask the waiter to 'give us a few moments, we need to discuss something in private before the main course'.

Close the door.

Look at you.

_“Sebastian...” I drawl, tipping my head back to drain my glass._

_“What *do* you think you’re doing...” I inquire silkily, licking my lips, and still not looking at you. “My glass is empty again... and there’s no waiter to take care of it...”_

"I got something better than champagne..." I growl, stalking over to you.

Any moment you're going to stop me... any moment now there will be a sharp '_Sebastian_' and I'll be slinking down like a slapped dog... but until then...

I move closer, pull your chair back from the table, lift you out of your chair with my hands under your armpits, pull you against me - I need to _feel_ you - feel every little bit of you...

_I watch in fascination as you stalk towards me... pull me from the chair... yank me against your body._

_Oh. My. _

_“Aren’t we *forward* for a first date...” I snap._

_“And presumptuous...” I chide, eyes narrowing. _

_“And ungentlemanly...” I whisper, running my fingers through your hair, and then pulling your face towards mine into a possessive kiss._

Oh - the snap.

But - it's not a genuine snap. You're looking playful - and your eyes are all dark, like a cat who is about to pounce.

And then you kiss me, strong and intense and greedy.

"You got me..." I breathe when you release me. "I am not the gentleman you were supposed to meet... I am instead the savage assassin."

I growl, lift you up, smoothly lay you on the bamboo mat on the floor, kneel over you, dive at your neck.

_Oh this is... _

_*Oh*..._

_I look up at you from the bamboo mat, and suddenly your lips are devouring my neck. _

_My arms circle you, and my eyes close. _

_“The assassin!” I whisper. “You deceived me, you blackguard... with your beautiful roses... and elegant manners... What do you want with me, you-” Your teeth sink into my neck, and my breath catches in my throat. “-*beast*.” _

_My arms harden around you like a cage._

There’s no _way_ I could have lasted five _minutes_ longer, let alone hours - it’s best to blow off some steam now, surely...

“I am so sorry this deception was necessary... but I simply couldn’t stop thinking about the gorgeous gentleman I’d seen yesterday during my work. He was the sexiest, most enchanting man I’d ever laid eyes on... he’s been on my mind all day... so I staked out his house, lured him into my trap... and here he is, underneath me...”

I rub my cock against yours through our suits.

What do I want? Well, I _want_ to throw you over that dining table and rail that hot little arse, but that would be serving the delicious pudding before the meal. The main event will wait until tonight... we’ll just release some of the tension, so we don’t risk spontaneously combusting at any moment.

“And now he is here, for me to do with as I please... so gorgeous, but - I believe... I have this feeling... that he’s more dangerous than me, even. I look forward to getting to know him better...

Especially this one bit...”

I move off you, let my hand roam to your trousers, undo the button.

_God, we’re lying on the floor of a private room in a high-end restaurant... and you're unbuttoning my trousers. _

_This is audacious even for us._

_I gaze up at you with pleasure as you loom over me... _

_“Wherever did you get such an idea about me?” I say in a low voice, blinking lazily. Then my hand moves to your trousers... slowly unbuttoning... unzipping... pulling at the waistband... _

_“Who would be more dangerous than a savage assassin?” I purr softly, pulling your trousers and pants down far enough to grab your cock._

I groan as you grab my cock. This is going to be quick and dirty... but if I soil your suit you will have my guts for garters, New Sweet Jim or no.

I take your cock in my hand. "I hear the savage assassin has a boss... who is more dangerous than the devil himself. If he wants you dead, your funeral is mere days away.

He can take any shape... he can look like your best friend, or your lover, and before you know it, his knife is in your back. He is the most beautiful man in the world, will enchant you with his dark dark eyes, hypnotize you like a cobra... before he strikes..."

I move around so you can keep stroking my cock while I move my mouth to yours.

_You kiss the head of my cock and slowly lick my shaft and I'm practically swooning against the floor- your lips, your cock, your mouth, your *words*... _

_Fuck... _

_"More dangerous than the devil...? By all the bloody saints! He sounds truly *malevolent*..." I pant, as I stroke you feverishly. "Like... wickedness in human form..."_

_"He's not *like* wickedness in human form," you groan against my cock. "He *is* wickedness in human form... such.. delicious... darkness..." you breathe, and slide your lips over me._

_"Delicious?" I echo breathlessly. “This diabolical man has you so - firmly - in his clutches! But then... an assassin is no lamb, but a murderous - oh god - depraved - *fuck*," I gasp, still stroking but forgetting what I was going to say, and shivering against you lasciviously._

You have the gift of the gab, Jim, but even that is no match for my skills.

I get to work on that magnificent cock; we don't have all night after all, there are Japanese people waiting with delicious food and we wouldn't want it to go cold. You are keeping a firm clutch indeed on my cock, and I groan around your shaft as you move.

_I pant as I stroke you faster, and moan as you suck me harder. _

_"Oh god... *Sebastian*," I breathe, and feel my body jerk once, twice - then there's the briefest pause before my mind disintegrates utterly, and I'm shuddering helplessly against you._

Yes - there it is, my ultimate reward, Jim Moriarty's _pleasure_...

Eagerly I swallow, lick, suck, until I feel my own building - oh god - careful Seb -

I move to make sure I don't spill on your suit and groan loudly as I come, _again_, in shudders under your skilled hand...

god...

We're insatiable today...

_You move up so you can sling an arm around me, and we lie on our sides, panting and staring at each other._

_You reach into your pocket, pull out a handkerchief, which I use to clean myself off._

_I clear my throat, and pull up my trousers. Then I take your jaw in my hand._

_“Well, Mr Savage Assassin... you certainly won’t get me into bed with an attitude like that...” I huff._

_You snort as you fasten your trousers. _

_Suddenly we’re both giggling madly._

_“We should probably-“ you say regretfully, as you sit up. “On the plus side, we won’t have to wait long for our food.”_

_I rise gracefully, and you stand up. Smiling down at me, you smooth out the wrinkles in my suit. Then you caress my hair. And once more, I feel my breath catch in my throat before you lean down to kiss me._

You are so -

sweet and giggly and I have _no_ idea where this guy has come from, but I’ll give him anything and everything.

With a very poor poker face I let the waiter know that we are ready for our main course. I also order a bottle of water - you are a lightweight and I don’t want you inebriated too soon; I have too many delights in store for you.

_Within moments we're back at the table, looking slyly at each other as we're served by our waiter. _

_You pour water and push the glass towards me. _

_Just yesterday I would have snapped angrily at you for such a thing... today I'm feeling amused and indulgent. _

_Hm. Interesting._

_So instead of snapping, I proceed with the most ridiculous pantomime I can manage without falling under the table laughing - I press the back of my hand to my forehead and mimic being woefully dizzy and drunk... _

_I take an exaggerated sip of water... _

_and enact rapturous refreshment and joy as only an actor of my calibre can._

_Really, it’s a performance worthy of a BAFTA._

_You mime applause and cheering, then laugh helplessly behind your hand. _

_I smile modestly as though the camera is on me at an award show. Then I swipe up the champagne bottle, and hold it up like an award._

_“Oh, this comes as *such* a shock... the other candidates are a supremely talented bunch, but really did it come as a surprise to anyone that I won this thing? Anyway, I'm *honoured*, of course... and ehm... already three sheets to the wind, according to my bodyguard who *truly* deserves an award of his own... don't you, darling? Aw, look at him... he's so modest, but *such* a wonderful man, and the best fuck in all the land. Tremendous blow jobs, just... *stunning*. I had one shortly before I came up here, and let me tell you... *oh*! I'm being gesticulated at rather frantically, and - apparently we've already run out of time! So all I have left to say is cheers for this, and now I must get back to my date with my insanely hot bodyguard. Let's see if he gets lucky! I'll drink to *that*..." I tip the bottle back into my mouth, and have a lengthy sip. Then grinning I hand it to you. _

_"Perhaps you're right, darling... you might want to cut me off."_

Stop it, Jim - you've got me giggling like a schoolgirl, which can't be what you are looking for in a handsome cool manly date...

"I just want you to have a full night of fun, my insanely hot Boss," I grin. "The way we knocked back that first bottle, we would be out of commission by midnight and I was hoping to enjoy this date for a _lot_ longer..."

I have a simply mouth-melting octopus dish called takoyaki, which makes me moan with relish. You have something I didn't recognize the name of but which looks like a kind of thick schnitzel, which you seem to enjoy.

_“A full night of fun?” I echo. “What *do* you have planned for me, darling?”_

_You give me a mysterious smile and pop a morsel of food into your mouth with chopsticks. _

_“Not even a hint?” I wheedle._

"If you haven't deduced it yet, I'm more successful than I'd dare hope!" I smile. You narrow your eyes, look at me - oh no Boss. I've showered, changed clothes, and have been extremely careful.

You huff, continue picking at your food as I've finished mine. I am so tempted to sneak a bite, but I'm good, and merely drink a glass of water and some more champagne.

I'm not a lightweight, after all.

_Why can't I figure this out? Granted, someone planning a romantic date for me falls out of my purview, but - it shouldn't *matter*... well, apparently being half-drunk and heart-eyed doesn't do much for my deductive reasoning._

_When I'm finished all I'm going to eat, I push my plate at you and watch as you finish the remains of my meal. _

_"Done!" I announce, and lean back in my chair. "What's next, Tiger?"_

"Dessert?" I ask, and see your eyes light up.

"Oooooh, do they have chocolate mochi?"

"I would wager they do..." I smile. Of course they do. I checked.

Your eyes grow wider. "With ice cream?"

"I'm sure that can be arranged..."

"Tiger! Make it happen! Now!"

I grin and ask the waiter for a chocolate mochi with ice cream and a yatsuhashi. He bows and heads out; I divide the last of the champagne between your glass and mine.

_I feast on my chocolatey, cinnamony treats, and we finish our champagne, periodically grinning like idiots and bursting into mad giggles. Oh dear... I really do feel intoxicated. I didn't drink nearly as much as last night, but the giddiness isn't helping matters. _

_When it's time to leave the restaurant, you give me your arm like a proper gentleman, so I can at least walk without stumbling. _

_"Come *on*, Tiger..." I whine. "Where are we going?"_

"Getting you a coffee, first of all, or you may not enjoy the next bit at all," I chide you. My adorable lightweight boss... you'd be a cheap date if you didn't have such an expensive taste in champagne.

We stop at a Sainsbury's and I get three strong coffees from the machine. You look at the paper cup disdainfully, but drink it with gusto - as well as the second cup I give you.

The car drives us to Canary Wharf, and I can tell you're puzzled - you'd probably expected a show or a club, and this district isn't great on those. We head to one of the large office buildings, and the doorman lets us in, opens the service lift for us. I'm doing my utmost to keep my face expressionless so you don't deduce what's going to happen. It seems to work - "Tiger - where are you taking me?"

"You'll see," I smile, sending a text, putting my phone away before you can sneak a glance. Curious kitten...

The lift stops on the top floor, and we get out, up a flight of stairs to a metal door which I open with the keys the doorman has given me.

The air on the roof is cool, but it's quiet up here, there's hardly any wind today - which gave me the idea in the first place.

"Are we here to look at the stars?" you smirk, but then you see the sniper rifle lying ready.

"Tiger?" your eyes are wide - exactly what I'd hoped for.

"I know how much you love sniping - but it's not often you can do it recreationally. You're good at the range, but it's more fun if you can shoot an _actual_ target, isn't it?"

I hand you a pair of binoculars, point to the building opposite. "Nineteenth floor, third room." I can see the blinds being opened, and behind it I know Harry Kerman - the guy has been a thorn in your side for years now. He used to have his uses, but you've woven your web around him so he can be dropped without adverse consequences. He was going to die some day soon anyway - might as well happen tonight.

Usually sniping is risky and sensitive - you have one shot to make it work, so that one shot is taken by the professional - me. But Harry is conveniently tied to a chair so he won't run if you miss and try again. And from this distance and with no wind, I'm pretty sure you can hit your man, champagne or no. You are quite a good shot.

And I would do anything to see those dark eyes light up so beautifully...

_“Oh... Tiger...” I breathe. “Did you plan *murder* for our date?”_

_I slide my arms around you, and look up into your darkening blue eyes. _

_“You are so... fucking... *romantic*...” I whisper, and kiss you longingly. _

_Right. No getting carried away or I’ll make a mess of this. _

_And you’re the best bloody sniper I’ve ever found, quite possibly the best in the world, so I intend to do well._

_I pick up the rifle, test the weight, look through the scope, and make minor adjustments - just as you’ve taught me so patiently, time after time._

_All of your lessons are melding into this moment..._

_Take the shot, Jimmy. _

_I feel an urge to giggle madly, but this is not the time._

_I push back the effects of the champagne and giddiness and feel my mind clear majestically, as if the sun has broken through clouds. _

_Take the shot... _

_I breathe in -_

_and barely feel the recoil of the rifle, as I watch Kerman’s shoulder jerk back, and a spray of red decorates his white shirt. _

_“Oops,” I say mildly. _

_Then I do the same to the other shoulder._

_I smile as I watch the panic and blood and pain spilling from that obnoxious man in that faraway office... _

_“How *does* this keep happening,” I say in mock confusion. “Well, at least dear Harry can have a moment to enjoy his epiphany...” My smile widens as I see the dawning horror on his face. _

_“I did warn you, honey...” I say in a silky seductive voice. _

_There’s a tremble of excitement..._

_And then-_

_“*Zing*... *pow*...” I whisper, as the bullet takes its speedy journey, and lodges itself into Kerman’s forehead with an explosion of blood, brains and bone. _

_I tilt my head. “Oh, Tiger... I didn’t hit the sweet spot, and it made such a *mess*...” I lament. _

_I lower the rifle, and you lower the binoculars you’ve been watching through. You have the biggest grin on your face, and my heart leaps in my chest._

_“Well? ” I demand. “Not quite professional calibre... but a lovely shot, yes?”_

Well, you hit, that's good -

Oh you shot the shoulder on purpose?

I watch as you shoot the other shoulder, and then the head. Excellent marksmanship, my adorable psycho... and such confident shooting. I'm impressed.

"Amazing work Boss! I don't know why you got me, to be honest... must have been for my sparkling personality and quick wit."

You don't like coming on sniping missions with me because you say I'm boring. Meaning I am concentrating on the job at hand instead of on entertaining my Boss.

Voices sound from below, an alarm goes off somewhere in the building opposite. "Shall we skedaddle? After you," I point to the door, take the rifle from you.

_I head to the door, grinning madly. _

_I’m not even in danger of stumbling anymore. Nothing like a spot of murder to put a spring in your step... _

_“That was *amazing*... Now where are we skedaddling to?” I demand as we walk through._

"You'll see," I grin.

So far Operation Psycho Date is going swimmingly, but one can't let down one's guard until one is home safe.

We get out through the back door, where the car is waiting, and drive back to the centre, head to Shoreditch, which is decidedly more lively than Canary Wharf on this Friday night.

We drive up to a club with a large queue - I know you love people seeing you walk past with your bodyguard and having the silk rope lifted for you; whispering about which celebrity you might be. You beam when you hear the music and see the large posters announcing 90s and 00s pop night, then slide on your sunglasses.

"Let's make an entrance, Tiger," you smile.

_You walk close to me as I saunter in. I don’t even have to look to know your eyes are scanning our surroundings, and looking piercingly at people who need to be told not to approach. _

_I look at the bar and I’m just about to give you my order, when I hear a song starting up. I almost laugh. Funny how the stars can align for me just so... _

_I stride onto the dance floor, and feel attention on me instantly. As the singing fills the space, I raise my arms like I'm about to conduct an orchestra. And then I unleash upon the dance floor. _

Confidence is a must

Cockiness is a plus

Edginess is a rush

Edges I like 'em rough

A man with a Midas touch

Intoxicate me

I'm a lush

Stop you're making me blush

People are looking at us

_I look up to where you’re watching me at the edge of the dance floor, looking mesmerized. _

I don't think you know

I'm checking you

So hot, so hot

Wonder if you know

You're on my radar

_I slow down to a slow writhe and point at you, then make a gesture for you to come to me._

Even fucking Britney Spears sounds alright when you're in love, I muse.

Or it might be that the object of my devotion is being his usual shining star in the middle of the floor, moving so entrancingly to this pop ditty that it's elevated to high art, probably one of the most alluring songs ever written...

And then you gesture. To me. To join you.

Oh god - yes - of course -

I had had the plan for us to dance together; that's what I was envisioning when I planned to go to a club, but - actually _being_ here - seeing you do your usual star turn on the floor - and being _beckoned_ by this - this _vision_ -

You are always hot, but there is nothing quite like after-dark black-eyed fresh-from-a-kill confident killer-suit moving-to-music-he-loves Jim. You _shimmer_. You are the sun and everyone else on the dance floor is periphery, their only glamour coming from your proximity.

In a daze I walk over to you, a clear, shining path opening, as if by magic. And there I am - with you - and fucking Britney Spears.

_Hey listen baby_

_Turn up the fader_

_Tryna to make you understand_

_You're on my radar_

Not my usual fare, but - if I have to shake it to Britney to dance with you, I'm going to give it my all.

I move towards you, moving my hips to the beat.

_Fuck..._

_I know I’m a stunning dancer, but watching you move sets me on fire. _

_You dance like everything physical you do..._

_With the power, majesty and grace of a jungle cat... _

_who could rip your throat out in the blink of an eye. _

_This potential for danger informs every movement you make, whether it’s evading a hail of bullets to rescue me... or throwing yourself on the sofa and reaching for a beer... or dancing to Britney Spears, and stalking towards me like you’re ravenous and I’m a mouth-watering meal._

_I let the music coil in me like a serpent and then unwind in a slow, hypnotic undulation - drawing you in like prey. _

Interesting sense of style

Ten million dollar smile

Think I can handle that

Animal in the sack

_My hands move down my body, and I lift my chin at you as you draw near. _

His eyes see right to my soul

I surrender self-control

Catch me looking again

Falling right into my plan

_You move to the spot in front of me. Fuck... *the heat* between us... I was just in a club last night, dancing with another man - and the memory is like wet cardboard compared to this. _

_I stare up at you... my dancing slows and your hands move to my hips._

_Got my eye on you..._

_And I can’t let you get away..._

_Hey baby_

_Whether it's now or later_

_I've got you_

_You can't shake me_

_Cause I got you on my radar_

_Whether you like it or not_

_It ain't gonna stop_

_Cause I got you on my radar_

_I got you_

_Cause I got you on my radar_

I’m looking down at you with smouldering eyes, feeling your hips twitch to the music - how did I ever not like Britney Spears? This is the greatest song in the history of mankind - you look at me and I drown in those eyes, those deep black eyes...

... and then you’re twirling yourself loose again, moving away from me and then stalking back, enticing me with the sensuous serpentine movements of your body.

_From a distance I’m twirling, writhing, grinding, with my eyes fixed on you, simmering behind my smile..._

_I can’t believe we’ve been doing what we’ve been doing for a *year* without doing this... one bloody year, *wasted*... and I don’t intend to waste another moment. _

_Suddenly you’re blocked from my view - a tall man, muscular... looks like he lifts weights. Slick and attractive in his leather jacket and designer jeans... and doesn’t hold a candle to you, my love. _

_He leans in. “Hey there... Can I buy you a drink?”_

_I give him a scathing look. “I’m preparing my taxes...” I growl softly, and dance away so I can see you again. _

_He steps in front of me. “Why don’t we submit our taxes together then, handsome?” he grins, and grabs me by the hips._

Eh -

Excuse me.

Isn't it _quite obvious_ that that lascivious hip thrusting and smoking look were for _me_?

Isn't it equally obvious that he is trying to escape your attention to get back into my line of sight?

And then -

_hands_

_hands on you_

_No one_ lays hands on you. At _any_ time.

But now - when _we are dancing_... for the first fucking time...

Two steps, and I am standing behind him, my hand moving up under his leather jacket, holding my small knife, letting it softly prick into his skin.

"Don't move unless you want me to try my hand at gallbladder surgery..." I whisper in his ear, as softly as the thumping music will allow, while I move my other hand around him so it looks as if we are hugging.

His face moves towards me, his eyes large. "Hey! Mate! What the fuck-"

“Get your hands _off_.”

“Whoa - Yeah - sorry - hey, sorry mate, I didn’t know he was taken -“ he is trying a nervous smile.

"Taking _two seconds_ to look would have told you that... and regardless, he made it clear he wasn't interested and you put your hands on him..."

He's starting to stiffen, the nervous smile sliding off his face. "Yeah - sorry - I'm a bit drunk - didn't quite think about what I was doing..."

"Why don't we take this outside?" I smile.

"Ah, no mate, come on..."

"What... are you _chicken_? Big boy like you?"

"You got a fucking blade, mate...”

"Oh, that? I'll put that back where it came from... just bare hands, fair and square... what do you say, _mate_?" I pull him closer, let the blade press a bit harder. I can see him calculating his chances - I wouldn't stab him on the dance floor, would I? _Would_ I? I can also see his eyes scan around for bouncers - but I organized this date, sweetheart, and I planned for the clubbing to take place just after Jim Moriarty had killed someone, which sometimes puts him in the mood... the bouncers have a good few quid in their pockets encouraging them not to look too closely at anything happening that involves him or me.

“Alright then,” he says, squaring his shoulders. “There’s a side exit there,” he gestures with his chin.

I let the knife slide back into my sleeve, nod at him, and lead the way to the exit.

He follows right behind.

_You approach him, neutralize his approach, and express your *displeasure* with him. _

_And then you issue your challenge. _

_Oh... _

_*Tiger*..._

_I watch enraptured as the challenge is accepted. He’s sized you up - he’s bigger than you, and apparently he thinks you’re just a hot thug with a blade. _

_Ohhh... this is going to be *so good*... _

_Before I know it, you have led him to the exit, and I’m left behind. I hurry after your retreating back - I don’t want to miss a single second. _

_Outside in the alley, you and the other man are facing off._

_“Boys, boys...” I coo as I saunter over. “Fighting over me? And they say chivalry is dead...”_

_“This isn’t about you any more, babe...” the man glowers. “Pretty Boy here has seen one too many films where aggro behaviour gets someone shagged... isn’t that right, mate?” _

_My mouth makes a surprised ‘O’, and I can’t hide my delight. _

_“*Pretty Boy?*” I echo, and giggle madly. Oh, honey... you have no idea what you’re in for..._

I ostentatiously take out my small blade, fold it, and throw it onto the ground.

"No knives. Just you and me. Unless, of course, you would like to, darling?" I bow to you. Big boy looks at you, uncertain of how you are involved.

"You see, honey, you made a big mistake there - well, you made _so many_ big mistakes tonight I can't begin to count them, but this is the most recent one - this _is_ about him. _Everything_ is about him. The fucking sun rises and sets because of him."

He's looking from me to you and back again. You smile - and he freezes. Yeah, I know, mate.

_“Mmm... now *that’s* how to treat a man,” I murmur, staring at you. _

_I wander towards the man, who’s scowling nervously. _

_“Don’t you want to take down notes for your next potential conquest?” I inquire, trailing my fingers over his arm. _

_He stares at me, apprehension and intrigue in his eyes. _

_Oh, sweetie... do you really think you’re going to score? Did you not see the fucking Tiger shooting daggers at you with his beautiful baby blues? Did you not see the cruelty in my smile? _

_My fingers continue to trail down his abdomen._

_“What are you-“ he asks, his brow furrowing. _

_“Hush now...” I whisper. “I thought you liked touching...”_

_ His eyes half close as I continue to move down, then widen in shock when I punch him in the stomach. I wander away as he doubles over, groaning; watch as he breathes through the pain, then looks up fuming. _

_“Big mistake,” he grunts, and straightens up. Then he moves towards me, bunching his fists. _

_“Agreed...” I purr, and wait._

I watch with fascination as you approach him and he looks - wary, but still hopeful -

_Idiot._ Look at that gleam in his eye - he's smiling sweetly, yes, but that gleam is ice and steel, that gleam means death -

You punch him when he doesn't expect it and he actually _walks towards you_ afterwards instead of running away; making fists - what, _mate_, did you just forget that I am here?

You're standing waiting open and relaxed, not a care in the world - no, of course not. Because your _boyfriend_ is here. Your _boyfriend_ who also happens to be a lightning-fast killer.

As the guy moves his fist back ready to punch you, I take it and twist his arm onto his back, putting my other arm around his shoulder so he can't get a swing in with that one.

"All yours, darling," I smile at you. "Unless you'd prefer me to take care of him." I'm monitoring his muscle movements so I can block him if he decides to kick at you, but it doesn't appear to have occurred to him. He's just trying to pull his arms free.

_"*Darling?* Listen, you pair of daft queens..." he says scathingly, trying to cover up his panic. "I'm sorry to interrupt your *date night* or whatever... but if you don't back the fuck off, someone's going to get hurt..." he struggles against your hold, and a look of fury crosses his face. _

_"Uh ohhh... someone's getting cra-a-abby!" I sing, then start laughing. "Pair of *daft queens*?" I crow. "Aww, Sebbie... did you hear that? Doesn't it sound like we've been together for *ages*...? That's so sweet of you to think so," I grin at the man who's looking angrier and angrier. "But this is our first date!"_

_"Congratulations, *darlings*," he sneers, and throws his head back against your face. You see it coming of course and dodge out of the way, but he gets an arm free and punches at your jaw with a roar. _

_Your eyes light up, and my heart starts to pound with excitement. _

_"*Thanks*, sweetheart," you say, unleashing your killer smile._

Aw, really? Homophobic slurs? From a man who tried to seduce my boss... _boyfriend_? God, that sounds good...

Oh, you are keen to go slapping, are you? Fine with me, darling... I have some residual aggression from yesterday, if you don’t mind? When another man touched my _boyfriend_... and I couldn’t say anything.

I return his love tap slightly less lovingly. He moves with it; gets in a defensive stance that betrays at least some boxing lessons. That’s nice honey - but I am not your instructor and I don’t hit in a predictable pattern.

I let loose on him, punching his sides, his stomach, easily blocking his predictable hits, finally placing a good one square on his jaw, knocking him over, out cold on the cobbles.

Wait -

I put my finger against his neck.

Out very cold. Permanently.

I did say I had some aggression to work out...

“Shouldn’t have called Jim Moriarty a daft queen...” I smirk, then rip open his shirt, pick up my knife again, and carve a large heart in his chest, an S to the left, J to the right.

_I watch with mounting elation as you punch him - it's still playful at this point. You're enjoying yourself._

_He on the other hand is fuming... _

_I can barely contain myself as he takes on a boxing stance. _

_Aww... it's so *cute*, I can barely stand it._

_He has no idea what's coming for him... _

_and then you unleash. And the final punch knocks him flat on his back. _

_And when you look up from his limp body, I look at you questioningly. Is he?_

_He *is*... _

_And now you're leaving a signature...?_

_*Oh*..._

_"*Dar*-ling," I exclaim, stepping closer to admire your handiwork. "You're *such* a romantic..." _

_"Only for you, baby..." you give me a cock-eyed grin as you stand up, and pull me into a kiss. "We should go back in..."_

_You sling an arm around my shoulders, and I slide mine around your waist. _

_As we head back to the door, I look back at the body. "Pair of queens beats a knave, honey..." I say in a velvet-soft voice. Then dismissing my former suitor from my attention, I grin up at you as we enter the building. _

_"Mmm... I'm going to like having a boyfriend... " I purr._

I'm floating on air. I've got rid of some aggression, which is always good; I've managed to _defend_ my _boyfriend_ from unwanted attentions, like some noble knight; I've seen your eyes light up with admiration and something else which I'm pretty sure is _love_ and that is just so incredible that I am not even sure if my feet are still touching the ground.

I have just enough presence of mind to text Robin to come pick up the body and get rid of it. No need to invite trouble - this is supposed to be the perfect night for you.

... and two people have been killed already. I grin. My beloved murderous Jim...

As we get back inside, All Star is playing, which is not your jam, so we head to the bar.

"What can I get you, beautiful?" I ask.


	10. Arriving Somewhere but Not Here

_I look up through my eyelashes at you, thinking. I want nothing that will remind me of last night... so no fancy drinks for me. _

_"I'll have a rum and coke, handsome," I purr. Apparently I'm a cheap date when it comes to drinks at a bar... but I don't think that I will fall in your regard, given that you're back to staring at me like you're a starving man and I'm the most delicious morsel you've ever seen._

_You smile at me and give your order. When the drinks are slid across the bar at us, we're already kissing. You stop long enough to shove money at the bartender, and then pull me back towards your lips._

We're kissing... _Jim_, _my_ Jim, beautiful superhuman genius amazing Jim is kissing me... kissing me like he's never done anything else, kissing me like it's the most important thing he's ever done, with full attention, and it's _everything_...

Kissing me in a club full of people who don't have a clue who he is, that he is the high lord of crime, the most powerful man in London, the spider at the centre of the web, the most dangerous man they'll ever see, and he's standing here, looking gorgeous and kissing, kissing his bodyguard...

Finally we stop, eyeing each other naughtily, arms around each other, sipping our drinks, grinning. I don't think I've ever been happier.

_"Is there time to dance again? Or are we leaving soon?" I ask, trying to keep the demanding urgency from my voice. It's highly unusual for me to not know every detail about what I'm doing. I'm finding it difficult in moments to just go with the flow... but at the same time, it's so *wonderful* to be on this adventure you've planned. For *me*. _

_"Are you... *taking me* somewhere else?" I ask, all innocence._

Oh - I hadn't planned to - should I have? Am I letting you down?

I smile bravely.

"I thought you would want to dance a bit more... and I really, really wanted the chance to dance with you. You don't know how fucking hot you look on the dance floor... and I've always just watched, never had the chance to do what I wanted most - strut up to you and dance _with_ you, in the centre of a circle of admiring plebeians..."

_Oh... *oh*... you look disappointed..._

_like you're worried you've disappointed *me*... _

_Oh... Sebastian..._

_I lay my hand on your arm. _

_"I just didn't want to get carried away with dancing, if there was somewhere we needed to be..." I assure you. _

_The crease between your eyebrows diminishes somewhat. _

_My hand curls around your bicep and strokes it admiringly. _

_"There is *nothing* I would enjoy more in this moment than to dance with my Tiger..." I say firmly. I throw back the rest of my drink. You follow suit, and put our glasses down on the bar._

_My hand trails down to yours and clasps it. _

_"Come on, Sebbie... the plebs won't know what hit 'em..." I murmur._

A song just ends as we walk to the floor and segues into an electronic beat. Your hips start moving to the beat as you walk, making your arse look just - to die for. You walk through the crowd purposefully, and somehow a path clears - people can _sense_ they need to move aside for you.

_Ma-ma-ma-ma_

_Ma-ma-ma-ma_

Oh yes. You like this one.

You turn around, look me straight in the eye, start your moves.

_I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas, please_

_Fold 'em, let 'em hit me, raise it, baby, stay with me (I love it)_

_Love game intuition, play the cards with spades to start_

_And after he's been hooked, I'll play the one that's on his heart_

I grin, move with you, letting you be the star, happy to be your adoring partner.

_Oh, Gaga... perfect. _

_Another admirer of Freddie's and fellow shining star... I just didn't pursue a career as a performer. Why would I? I perform plenty, but the stage is mine, and the rules are mine. _

_No one tells me what to do. Or wear. Or say. _

_I play roles when I want, and shine as myself when I want... _

_and right now I'm untouchable as I'm carving up the dance floor. _

_An incandescent heavenly body twirling through time and space. _

_All attention is on me - but the only eyes I'm interested in are the gleaming blue pair staring at me._

_I move closer, my arms going around your neck - yours move to my lower back, and I lean, arching my back towards the floor. Then I rise up like a serpent, pressing sinuously against you._

I wanna roll with him, a hard pair we will be

A little gamblin' is fun when you're with me

Russian roulette is not the same without a gun

_I tap my finger against your temple, then mouth the next words,_

And baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun

_Your eyes light up and your arms move up to my back, pulling me closer._

_I grind against you slowly, staring up at you._

I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

_We're both simmering behind our smiles as our pelvises press against each other... god, I can't imagine the fever pitch this will reach by the time I drag you home..._

The way you dance is pure sex, baby. How many times have I stood leaning against a pillar in some club keeping an eye out for danger while you enchanted the crowds with your moves; practically drooling, wishing I could risk walking up to you and joining you; not even touching, just letting my body move to the music at the same time as yours.

I couldn't, of course. Bodyguard. Not dance partner. Tapping my toes was as far as I'd get, trying not to stare at you but do my actual job and keep an eye out for any potential danger.

I still am - habit - but I have more than enough attention left over for you.

And you are a _star_. I've never seen you move more sensuously, look more intriguing, sway those hips quite so intoxicatingly as now. And as you rub yourself against me... fuck, we're going to get thrown out or spontaneously combust, one of the two.

_The song finishes up with our arms wrapped around each other. _

_I hear a familiar guitar riff... _

_This seems more your speed..._

_With a smile, I delicately I extricate myself from your grasp - you feign trying to grab me back, and I slip away with a sly smile. From a distance I watch you and pace in a very feline manner... _

I'm gonna fight 'em all

A seven nation army couldn't hold me back

This is less your music, I think, but you seem happy enough - and the way you move to it is enchanting, pacing like you're stalking me, then moving away the moment I try to touch.

I play along, stalking you in turn, and we circle around each other, approaching and retreating, our eyes never leaving each other.

My years of practice reading your mind and your prescience work together perfectly - I _know_ what your next move will be, like I know when we're in a fight, and you can tell where I'm going to be next. It's mesmerizing, this dance of two predators.

_And I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding_

_Right before the lord_

_You’re drawing closer and closer - and I want to see what will happen when you catch me..._

_Our circles are growing smaller... tighter... then like quicksilver, you move towards me and scoop me up. My legs go around your waist, and my arms around your shoulders. You smirk up at me. _

_“Oh, am I your prisoner now...?” I murmur. _

_“The savage assassin gets what he wants...” you say with a predatory smile. _

_A new song begins with another familiar intro. You slowly begin to circle, with my legs still around your waist. _

I've been a bad, bad girl

I've been careless with a delicate man

And it's a sad, sad world

When a girl will break a boy

Just because she can

_My eyes widen and we stare at each other. _

_“It’s not just girls who will do that...” I say wryly, casting a worried look at you. _

_A smile plays on your lips, and you caress a lock of hair away from my eye. _

_Then you shrug. “Well... No *girl* ever got that far with me...” you say, just as wryly. Then you tilt your head up and kiss me passionately..._

_When we come up for air, you slowly lower me to the floor with an intent stare. _

What I need is a good defense

Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal

And I need to be redeemed

To the one I've sinned against

Because he's all I ever knew of love

_I continue to slide down your body, and this time it’s your eyes which widen... I get down to the floor onto my knees, and yes I know that’s it for yet another suit, but - I guess fashion comes second now. Sometimes. _

_Anyway. I may be on my knees but I’m sure you’ll agree there’s nothing remotely submissive about this... I lean back, arching my back down towards the ground, like I’ve only seen belly dancers do. And they weren’t wearing tailored suits. _

_When I lift myself back up like a weaving cobra, your eyes are like saucers._

_I place my hands on your calves, and wrap myself around your legs like a snake. I rest my cheek against your thigh, and then my hands move up slowly towards your pelvis. _

_You’re staring down at me so hungrily, and I flick my tongue out over my lips at you. Then I slowly rise up, slipping over your body like rippling silk. My nails scrape against the fabric of your trousers and I see you take a sharp intake of breath. _

Let me know the way

Before there's hell to pay

Give me room to lay the law and let me go

I've got to make a play

To make my lover stay

So what would an angel say

The devil wants to know

_I look at you, oozing seduction, and writhe against you rhythmically._

You - what - you are going to your _knees_!? For me!?

In your _light grey suit_!?

Jim -

I forget to dance, forget to breathe - you are moving like a sensual snake, if such a thing exists, and flick your tongue out at me before moving up, rubbing yourself against my body in a way that I'm sure is not humanly possible or if it is then it is definitely illegal, and I am gaping at you as you move against me, your eyes deep and black and sucking me into their depths, promising otherworldly dangers and delights.

The song is over before I remember to move.

_You haven’t moved for a while and you appear to be in a daze... _

_A smile plays on my lips. I’d say my work here is done... _

_only, now there’s a song with moaning and a grinding beat. _

_Well, maybe one more song before we get another drink..._

_With my eyes I invite you to dance, and begin to press against you, swaying my hips._

This is it

It's time for you to go to the wire

You will hit

'Cause you got the burnin' desire

It's your time

You got the horn so why don't you blow it

You are fine

You're filthy cute and baby you know it

_You snap out of your reverie, and your hands move to my back. Your hips join mine, and it’s as though they’re having their own moment, far from our control. _

Cream

Get on top

Cream

You will cop

Cream

Don't you stop

Cream

Sh-boogie bop

_I stare up you, feeling heated by our movements. Jesus... I’m enjoying our date, but... how long can I be expected to hold off??_

I finally come out of my daze and realize I am no pole for you to dance around, but an actual dance partner, so I might want to move. But the moving we do is chiefly with our pelvises, and this song is quite suggestive, and your eyes look like they're burning holes into my skull.

_You're so good_

_Baby there ain't nobody better_

_So you should_

_Never, ever go by the letter_

_You're so cool_

_Everything you do is success_

_Make the rules_

_Then break them all 'cause you are the best_

_Yes you are_

Good lord, I thought with our fuck this afternoon... and then the quick rut on the mat in the restaurant... we'd be safe from our bestial urges for at least a bit. But then, how could I see you dancing without going wild with desire? And that's just _seeing_ you dance. Dancing _with_ you, watching you move like that _for me_, feeling your hands on me, your hips thrusting against me...

_Do your dance_

_Why should you wait any longer?_

_Take a chance_

_It could only make you stronger_

_It's your time_

_You got the horn so why don't you blow it_

_You're so fine_

_You're filthy cute and baby you know it_

Now it's my turn to fall to my knees in front of you. But unlike your seductive serpent dance, mine is, clearly, a gesture of submission. I look into your eyes, smouldering black coals, as I come up again, move my arms around you, whisper in your ear, "If my attempts at a date have pleased you... I would very much like to take you home. If you will have me... please make me yours.

Sir."

_We’re getting more and more turned on, and this dance is in danger of becoming positively indecent... _

_Are the people still watching us wildly envious of our heat and chemistry? I scan the area, smugly noting the open mouths and whispers. It would appear the envy is high... as is the desire I see in people’s eyes as we move against each other..._

_and then - you’re on your knees. _

_*God*... _

_What do they think is happening? _

_All I know is the sight of you on your knees, with that look on your face, is *burned* into my mind... That helpless *longing*... you want to be taken, don’t you my big sweetheart... _

_*My way.* _

_*My Tiger*._

_I smile up at you as you rise, and my fingers lightly graze your jaw. _

_“Of course you’ve pleased me... you have given me the *most amazing night*, more amazing than I could have even dreamed of... Now take me *home*, Sebastian...” I say firmly, staring up at you. _

_I kiss your lips, pressing my pelvis to yours. “My turn,” I whisper._

I think you get it - whatever it is I am trying to express.

I want you - god I want you -

But there's more. I have been living this fantasy, with a Jim I've only dared dream about, and it's grandiose and my heart is close to bursting and I am delighted - but -

My Moriarty.

The man who got me to the edge of endurance and beyond.

The man whose cruelty made an SAS soldier weep and beg.

The man who used every inch of me for his own pleasure.

That man.

I fell in love with the Jim I suspected behind all the masks and personas.

But Moriarty captured me long before I even suspected there was a Jim.

I know I am greedy, ungrateful, trying to have my cake and eat it, probably stupid - but if there is a chance that I can have Jim, my boyfriend, and Moriarty, my Lord... I want that.

I love Jim, but - I gave myself to Moriarty.

_Interesting things going on in your mind - in your eyes I see longing... apprehension... concern?_

_What could possibly have you *concerned* after this beautiful, romantic evening, Sebastian...? I think, feeling confused. My mind scrolls through possibilities, narrowing them into fewer and fewer options, until -_

_*Oh.*_

_Are you worried - about what things will be like between us, now that we've thrown love into the mix? About what *I'll* be like? A sweet fluffy kitten instead of a prowling creature with glowing eyes and sharp claws? _

_*Jesus*... I never thought I'd see the day when someone worried I'd gone *soft*. _

_Especially *you*._

_I feel a stab of disappointment and hurt before I submerge them easily - after all, I have a lifetime of practice. _

_Now the thought that you're worried I'm as innocuous as a plush little bunny actually makes me giggle madly, and you look at me perplexed. _

_Oh. Don't you recognize me, darling?_

_I grab your tie, and pull you into a more aggressive kiss. Then I pull you after me off the dance floor with it. And our audience whoops and cheers as you follow me. _

_And here I thought I would have a bit more time to experience life as Jim for a bit, I think to myself as we reach the exit. He's only been in exile for a lifetime... Ah well. Now I get to let you in a little secret._

_Moriarty isn't *dead*... He's just been pacing in a cage. _

_You want me back, honey? I look at you and arch an eyebrow. _

_You slide past me and open the door for me, gallant as ever. With a sly smile I step out into the blackness of night._

Oh god - you can read my fucking _mind_ \- I forgot about that - can a man have no private thoughts around you?

I am being led away by my tie to cheers of the punters, and I can't help but have a big grin on my face.

Me. You're leading me away. Clearly for sexual depravities such as man was not meant to wot of.

As you step through the door, I see - oh.

Yes.

That's him.

And I shiver at the sight of him.

Have I summoned him back by thinking about him? Was that wise? What if he takes over again and Jim is gone? And I ruined it all with my fascination with a cruel psychopath?

Argh! Why are you so incredibly difficult!? And why do you care what I think anyway - I don't know what I should think! I am a fucked-up ex-soldier with enough issues to fill the Oxford Library of Psychology - please, just - be who you want...

I open the car door for you, and you get in. I walk around to the other side and join you. Suddenly I am unsure what to do - put my arm around you? Pull you close? So easy earlier, unthinkable yesterday...

For a moment I'm frozen, uncertain, then - I slide to my knees in front of you. A comfortable, known position. Put my hands on your knees. They're not moved away, that's a good start.

"Jim - Sir - whoever, whatever you are. I - I'm sorry if I'm asking for too much, for what is difficult for you. I just want this night to be perfect for you. Absolutely perfect." I realize it's your first real date - and I'm fucking it up -

"And I'm - I was reasonably confident about the rest. I know what you like. But now - I'm not sure. I thought I knew what you like, and I thought I was asking for it, but -" I shrug helplessly.

"I am no longer sure of anything." I look up at your eyes, dark in the twilight of the car, your body language unreadable.

"So - please guide me. Tell me or show me how you want to be, how you want me to be. I am not like you - I cannot read people. And I need this night to be all you've ever dreamed about."

_On the way to the car, I hum and think of things I can do to your body. Easy enough... I never have a difficult time coming up with creative ways to wring anguished expressions and beautiful noises from you. _

_In the car, I settle into my seat. I feel a twinge of disappointment that I can't kiss you or cuddle with you as we've been doing. But my feelings are turned way, way down - as it should be, apparently. Because I clearly can't be trusted to have an emotion without morphing into a sweet, fluffy rabbit in your eyes. I stare out the window, fuming. _

_Jesus. I'm feeling something now... I know *this* one well. Only - am I angry at you for preferring a cold emotionless psychopath, or angry at myself for *disappointing* you??_

_Like I'm... not enough as Jim. Which is what I've always told myself and I *should have listened*. _

_Oh *fuck*... feeling things again... _

_no, no... don't be Jim... *be Moriarty*._

_My brow furrows from concentration, and I suppress a whimper. I feel like I'm sliding towards a meltdown, and I'm fairly certain that is not a good first date activity. What if I make a mess of it... and you don't want another one?? _

_Suddenly there's movement, and I turn to see you on your knees. _

_I listen, stunned but schooling my features into a neutral mask._

_I stare at you as I turn your words over and over in my mind, trying to get them to make sense, and panicking when I realize I don't know the answer. Panicking when I feel the beginnings of tears. _

_But then my Moriarty side is whispering... you ridiculous little rabbit... what good is it being a fucking genius if you can't apply it to an impossible situation? Impossible situations are where I *shine*. _

_I will wrench an answer from where it appears there is only dull lead to be found. _

_And I will toss it at our feet like gleaming gold._

_I have no idea how the fuck I'm going to do it..._

_but you look absolutely panic-stricken, and I have to say *something*... anything!_

_"What makes you think I've changed my mind about what I like, Sebastian?" I demand. "I haven't become a *completely different person*... there's just... *more* of me than there used to be. There's love and feelings and... feelings that can be fucking *hurt*..." my voice shakes. "And I never asked for any of this, you know! I've been feeling like *Jim* for the first time since I was a kid... it's been less than 24 hours, and I was enjoying having something that just felt fucking romantic and beautiful for a while. It does not mean I'm suddenly going to be all about walking dogs on the beach and going antiquing!" I stare at you, aghast. _

_You look horrified that I'm upset. Shit. Fix this, Jimmy... _

_"If you think you're bringing any bloody *dogs* home, Sebastian Moran... you have another thing coming..." I growl. "I'm still *the same psychopath*... I *don't* like animals or nature, I love evil schemes, I am very much in favour of making a Tiger submit and howl and bleed... and if there's any question that I'm a permanent resident of the dark side..." I shake my head, and I can feel my eyes gleaming. "Oh. *Sweetheart*. Let me disabuse you of such a notion... it would be very foolish of anyone *including you* to underestimate my darkness. _

_Now, Sebastian... whatever happens tonight is *whatever happens*, because I have nothing to prove to anyone. And I can do what I want, however I want. So if I want to do crossword puzzles together while listening to opera... I will still be the same monster who makes you bleed and scream and come like you've never come before. Now *get off the floor* and get up here. I've had enough listening to my own voice *for once*... and I want you to shut me up for a bit. Unless you want to talk about feelings some more?" I look at you with challenge in my eyes._

_“But as for *who* I want you to be and *how* I want you to be... be whoever the fuck you are, Sebastian. The hot, surly, sweet, aggressive, deviant Tiger I fell in love with...” I take your jaw in my hand and stare at you intently. “So... does that make you want to shout at me? Declare your undying love? Or kiss me like it’s our last night on earth? Make your move, Tiger...” I order, a smile playing on my lips._

I am staring at you and you are staring at me for what feels like ages, and I feel lost in limbo... did I mess up?

You say you haven't become a different person... but you now have feelings - which can be hurt -

oh shit I've hurt your feelings -

you were enjoying being romantic and I ruined it by asking you to be cruel -

I didn't mean - I didn't think you were suddenly all Mr Pleasant - I was just - I assumed you'd want that kind of sex, because it's what you like - isn't it!? and - I wanted it -

You're saying you're still darkness personified - yes, of course you are - and that you can do what you want - of course -

_I will still be the same monster that makes you bleed and scream and come_

I know - I mean - I think I do -

I don't know!

_be whoever the fuck you are Sebastian_

I don't _know_ who I am! I am yours - that is all I've ever wanted... and I no longer know who you are... and I no longer know who I am...

You look at me and ask me what I want.

I would hang my head if I could, but you are holding my jaw. And telling me to make my move.

How do I make a move when I have only ever moved when you told me to, how you told me to?

What the fuck is _happening_ to me? To suave confident player Moran, who could get anyone into the sack? I have the man of my dreams throwing himself at me, and I don't know what to do??

Do something Moran! This is hardly going to be his dream date if you freak out when things get steamy!!!

I close my eyes, and kiss you. Kiss you like I longed to kiss you, a proper kiss, no biting, no possessiveness, a sweet kiss among equals.

It's the hardest kiss I've ever given.

_There is so much confusion in your eyes..._

_*fuck*. I haven't handled this well, have I..._

_and then you make your move, as instructed. And there's confusion in your kiss, too. Like you're afraid of being too tentative, too aggressive, too... you don't even know, do you? _

_My heart squeezes in my chest. _

_*Poor Tiger*... you never had to make calls like this before._

_I break off the kiss. _

_"Sebastian... I whisper. "I think having feelings has muddied the waters for both of us..."_

_I run my fingers through your hair. "But as I understand it, relationships can be murky, mercurial things. Just when you think you're on solid ground, something knocks you on your arse." I make a face. "They sound *terrible*, don't they? I understand why I never wanted one. But... I'm afraid there's no going back for me. Now that I know what it's like..." I lean forward and kiss you. Then I shake my head. "You've ruined a *perfect psychopath*, so you'll just have to deal with that - we'll have to proceed through the messy, imperfect terrain of our relationship like a couple of blind idiots. So we *do not* have to have it all figured out all at once. Or *ever*. All we have to do is face the next moment... whether it brings angst, or anger, or arguing, or the hottest orgasms..." I muse, then frown. "Where did that even come from? Did I just make sense about *relationships*?"_

"I... think you did," I say, shaking my head, smiling.

I feel a sense of relief at what you've just said - you don't expect me to be any specific way...

I realize that that was part of what I was afraid of, that if I did the wrong thing, said the wrong words, you would retreat, and never come back... it's not like you haven't in the past. Told me to make a choice and get mad if I chose the wrong thing. I've learnt to try to read your mind, but I still get it wrong sometimes, and here... this... is such unknown territory...

But it's different, you're not trying to trap me - you're lost as well.

I get up onto the seat, put my arm around you, pull you close, kiss you.

"My wise beautiful psychopath with feelings..." I murmur.

"I am so sorry I got lost... I never thought about this part of the date; I was so busy planning the rest... I mean, if there's one thing we never had any trouble with, it was sex, right? I assumed it would flow naturally... but then, we always had sex in a certain way... and then we didn't, last night and this morning... and I don't know - I assumed you were trying to be sweet, and I wanted you to know that I like you being cruel as well..."

That is not quite true, but close enough, I guess? I don't know what I think...

I love Jim and I love Moriarty, and I don't want to lose either...

"I assumed you would want to as well, since - well - that's what you've always done, so I assumed it's what you like, but you seemed - to retreat - no longer be sweet Jim..."

I guess that's the crux of it...

"Is that it? Are there two sides of you, and it's one or the other who can come out, but not both at the same time?"

_I feel such relief at your relief... which is bloody weird. _

_These emotions make no sense. I have to wait for you to have a feeling to know how I'm feeling??_

_Jesus. No wonder I've been confused. _

_But then you're back on the seat kissing me, and I don't care anymore. _

_When you ask me the big question, I lean back in the seat and look at you pensively. _

_"No, it's not like having separate personalities. It's more like... the 'Jim' part of me has been suppressed since I was a child. So when 'he' came out - I suppressed my 'Moriarty' side. For very good reasons. I didn't trust that side of me to play nice, and I so wanted a romantic experience for once in my life. I hardly consider myself a Jungian, but he did say 'what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size'... and I guess that's true._

_So after being suppressed for decades, it makes sense that my sweet 'Jim' side would just take over for a while... like Godzilla running amok in Tokyo," I say wryly. "'Plan a romantic date for me, Tiger! Make it *beautiful and wonderful and perfect*!' _

_I didn't know how long I had... What if after our date I woke up and everything was back to the way it always had been? If I was going to be shoved back in a box for another twenty years, then I needed to make the day count..."_

_I take your hand. "And it was *perfect*. Thank you for giving my inner Kitten something to swoon about for years to come," I say softly, then take your face in my hands. "I don't *think* Jim will get shoved back into a dark corner of my psyche... I don't think that's how it works. So I just have to navigate that... being *both*._

_Obviously there's no place for that side of me at work. But at home... and in bed... if you're *worried* about the scary, dark psychopath disappearing, then you're *far* more fucked up than I thought," I grin. "*And*... I'm lucky to have found you. Someone who not only won't run screaming, but... revels in the darkness of the playground." I stroke your face. "And you do... don't you, darling..." I say in a low voice, staring intently at you._

That voice...

That dark, vibrating voice, like velvet being cut by a dagger...

It's the voice that I first heard in a room after a situation had got hairy and I'd killed five men. 'Well done, Sebastian Moran...'

It sent shivers all the way down my spine then and it still does now.

It makes me want to fall to my knees and give you my sword.

I look into your eyes and see you - both of you. Moriarty, my Lord, my liege, the man I have pledged my life to. And Jim, the man whose existence I only suspected until yesterday. The beautiful smile, the romantic soul who is genuinely delighted with a bouquet of roses, the guy who ruined his suit to perform a seductive dance for me.

"I revel in your darkness... and in your light," I say hoarsely. "I am yours, since I first met you, and never wanted to be anything else. You've had my mind, body, and soul, if I have one, from the beginning... but it took this Jim side to grab my heart and complete the set. I didn't even know there was one to grab.

I guess it's going to be hard for both of us to suddenly deal with feelings - it's not what we do, as a rule. But I don't _ever_ want to lose this... if you were to wake up in the morning and be - back to how you were - I'd miss your Godzilla more than you could imagine, and I'd keep trying to bring him out by being infuriatingly romantic, and you'd get exasperated and kill me and then you'd be sad. So let's not do that.

I guess - overall - I have always loved you, I just didn't know that I had any love to give. And - now there is more of you to love. And I am greedy. I didn't want an exchange - I want it all."

_"And look... the wellspring of both is open to you, Sebastian..." I purr. "Darkness *and* light... who ever would have imagined such a thing? Not me, I can assure you. Just remember, Tiger... by nature I'm capricious..." I kiss your lips. _

_"Mercurial..."_

_kiss _

_"Volatile..."_

_kiss, nip _

_"So you never know when the ground will shift beneath your feet... do you, darling?"_

_I smile at you ferally. "And as for you, I've already claimed you, but - now that your heart has surfaced, I'll take that, too."_

_I straddle you and make a motion like I'm reaching deep into your chest over your heart... then staring at you fiercely, I pluck it out and feign putting it into a box, locking it and throwing the key. "But don't worry... now that it's mine, it will be kept *very safe*..." I say in a low, seductive voice. _

_“How's that for a demonstration of the true Jim Moriarty? Quite the romantic psychopath, no?" I murmur, and capture your mouth in a kiss._

Romantic psychopath... I didn’t know such a thing was possible, but there we go, you do at least six impossible things before breakfast.

The kiss is good; we're getting the hang of this, hungry and exploring but sweet and deep.

I realize the engine is being switched off - oh. We're here.

I rush out of the car to open the door for you. I'd instructed the driver not to, and he's not forgotten. Your eyes gleam as I help you out.

I look at you, assessingly.

"I realize this is only our first date..." I smile, "and this is terribly forward of me... but I had a really good time. Would you be alright with me coming up for a cup of coffee?"


	11. Feeling Good

_Oh, *delicious*... is this how a date with you would have gone? _

_Such a *charmer*... _

_“Yes, it is rather forward,” I agree, smiling slyly. “But there’s no harm in having a coffee together... and talking some more... “ I give you side-eye briefly as I walk you to the door. You follow me to my private lift. We’re silent as the mechanisms whir to life, and then -_

_I look at you smoulderingly from where I lean against the wall. My hand trails along the fancy upholstering, and I stare at you through half-closed eyes. _

_Then I push off, cross over to you, and slam you against the wall. _

_Your lips are on mine before I even press myself against your body._

This lift journey is too short, I've often thought we should move to a high-rise... an annoying ping and the doors open invitingly. It's not going anywhere - it's our lift, no one else is going to call it - but it's less intimate with its doors standing open impatiently.

I follow you to the apartment door, let you open it, still allowing the fantasy that I'm your date following you home, think about making a sarcastic comment about the wallpaper, but decide against it -

instead I push you against the door the moment you close it, kiss you.

"I have a confession to make," I growl. "I don't want coffee."

_I find myself backed up against the door, you plastered against me and growling. _

_Mmm..._

_who's the hungry Tiger...? _

_"I wasn't planning to give you any..." I growl back. _

_We kiss heatedly, urgently, desperately..._

_Then I pull back. "So that's it, then? Romance is discarded like clothing on the floor?" I ask breathlessly. "I've let the savage assassin into my home... and look what happens..." _

_You press your burning lips to my neck, and my head falls back against the door. _

_"Can't say I didn't warn you..." you murmur. I can hear the smile in your voice. _

_Mmm. This is going to be fun._

_"I have a confession to make, too...” I say in a silky voice. You pause, your lips still on my neck. _

_“The most dangerous man we talked about? You've been dancing and drinking with him all night, darling. And now you're in *his* territory..." _

_Then I push you away hard._

_Your eyes flash with pleasure as you watch me stalking towards you. _

_I grab your tie and bring my face close to yours. “Why don’t we sit in the living room, darling? I’ll get us a sassy Riesling...”_

_You look stunned and I pat your cheek. “Make yourself comfortable, Sebastian...” I say sweetly, and saunter off to the kitchen._

Whoa. What is happening now?

It's kind of delicious not knowing. I move to the living room, take off my shoes, tie, and jacket - hey, you said to make myself comfortable - and stretch out on the sofa.

You arrive with a bottle of wine and two glasses - apparently I'm drinking Riesling.

You pour us both a glass, hand me one, and raise yours.

"My turn to make a toast..."

_I study you on the sofa, not knowing what to expect but clearly intoxicated by the scene that's unfolding. And *most certainly* horny..._

_A small smile plays on my lips. Not yet, Tiger..._

_"To the only man who could touch Moriarty and live… To the only man who could draw out the true *Jim*... and to the only man on the planet who has *ever* seen the two together... and *wants* to journey on that treacherous rocky path that is Jim Moriarty..." _

_I straddle your lap and clink your glass. "Cheers to your big, brave Tiger heart..." I whisper. Then I take a sip of wine, and press my mouth to yours. I nudge your lips open, letting the wine dribble languorously onto your tongue before mine slips in possessively._

The true Jim...

Where has he been, all these years? And why was he hidden away so deep?

Not now, Sebastian - you have your two great loves here, the True Jim and the True Moriarty, and you have _no_ _idea_ what the night will bring... could be death, could be roses, could be both, or anything in between.

And that's the way I like it...

And then I can't think any more because there is a mouth on mine serving Riesling in a way that suddenly makes it a whole lot more delectable, and a tongue following it that is exploring my mouth as if staking its territory, and I moan softly and wrap my arms around you and pull you closer onto my lap.

_There it is - that *moan*..._

_How I love that sweet moannnn... every sound I have ever coaxed out of you has gone into my mind map, and they're all individual notes in a beautiful musical composition entitled ‘How Tiger is minemine*MINE*’. The music used to be mainly dark, forbidding, ominous... with the occasional bars of fun, playful notes. Now it's a fusion of both, and I can't imagine just one or the other..._

_So when I nip your bottom lip, your little intake of breath is added to the mind map, along with the rumbling growl that follows. _

_I give you a steamy look, then get off your lap - collecting another bereft look of longing. Delicious... _

_"So Mr Savage Assassin... the Most Dangerous Man you've ever met has a proposition for you... curious?" I tip my head back and take a luxurious sip of wine._

Your _look_ \- I know that look, but there is more there, so much more...

Is that love? Is that how you look when you want someone who you love?

Has anyone ever seen that look before?

"A proposition from the Most Dangerous Man I've ever met..." I chuckle drily. "What could _possibly_ go wrong?"

I grin. "Fortunately, I am a reckless bastard, and the Most Dangerous Man is also the Most Beautiful Man I've ever met, so yes, please... I am curious..."

_"*Won*derful...recklessness can be suuuch a good quality in a man..." I stare at you through half-closed eyes. _

_"Now I know we don't know each other very well... but I've thought of a little game that would be so much *fun* for a first date." I place my hand on your forearm, and lean closer. _

_"Do you like fun and games, Sebastian?" I murmur._

"I love them," I grin, leaning towards you. I try to read you but it's impossible; your face looking excited but secretive, pleasant but mischievous. But I have never balked at following you into the unknown, and that was _before_ you said you loved me, and I had reasonable assurance that I'd come out of it alive.

I am just a sucker for pretty brown eyes and danger...

_"Oh, how de*light*ful!" I smile at you fiercely. "We'll be playing the Game of Questions, from Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. With a fun little twist. I'll go over the standard rules in a moment, but here's the gist: We ask each other questions to get to know each other a bit better, and of course we'll be keeping score. Every time a point is scored by *you*, I'll remove an article of clothing. Every time a point is scored by *me*, I'll do whate-e-ever I like to you for sixty seconds. Agreed?"_

_I grab you and pull you into a heated kiss._

Huh. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead is kinkier than I remember.

I moan at the intensity of the kiss.

“Yes... sounds like a great way to get to know each other better...” I groan as you let me up for air.

“How does one score points?”

_I lean back against the sofa, and cross my legs, grinning. _

_"Each player responds to the other's question with a question. 3 points wins a game. _

_Points are earned by catching the other player in a foul. Each of the following will be counted as a foul: _

_1) Grunts. The player may not make false starts. No pauses for more than a few seconds or delaying the game._

_2) Non-sequiturs. The player must directly respond to the last question._

_3) Repetitions. The player may not ask a question which has already been asked. Or repeat the content of the question with different words. _

_4) Rhetoric. The player may not ask rhetorical questions. _

_5) Statements. The player may not make a statement, unless it's to claim a point._

_So for example... if I were to ask, 'How old were you when you had sex for the first time?'..._

_you might respond 'Would it surprise you to learn I was 15?'..._

_to which I might reply 'Why would that surprise me?'_

_and you could then respond, 'Do you not find that to be young?'_

_I might then be inspired to say, 'Do I strike you as naïve?'_

_and so on... until *somebody* drops the ball and has to pay the price." _

_I sip my drink, watching you digest this information. A little complicated to grasp for such a quick-moving game, yes. But you're a clever Tiger, you'll learn as you go. Besides, the point isn't for *you* to win... _

_"Well, my dear? Any questions about Questions?"_

_I slowly caress your arm as I stare at you intently._

This sounds difficult - and exactly the kind of thing you would be much better at than me. Still, having you do whatever you like to me for sixty seconds sounds exactly like the way I was hoping the evening would end...

"Have we started already?"

_I smile. Clever Tiger. _

_"Did I *say* you could go first?"_

"Do you object?"

_“Have you ever known me to be unreasonable, darling?”_

"Is that a trick question?" I smile.

_“Why do you think I’d be trying to trick you instead of getting to know you?” I say in a huff._

I snigger at that. "Would you ever be able to forgive me for that horrible faux pas?"

_“If I had a way for you to make it up to me... would you do it?” I stroke your jaw, then take it in my hand._

You’re not playing fair, you’re distracting me...

“Could I ever refuse such a generous offer?” I say, as I lean into your caress.

_I lean in and plant kisses along your jaw. "Hmm, just how foolish are you capable of being, Tiger?" I murmur._

“Is that a challenge?” I grin.

_I chuckle, and lick your earlobe. "If the challenge is about your foolishness, then won't you automatically win, honey?"_

“Are you saying I’m foolish?”

I may well become so if you keep this up...

_"Can you think of a better word, darling?" I whisper, getting off the sofa, and extending my hands to you. You place your hands in mine, and I pull you up. You seem mesmerized - are you going to answer in time? Three - two - one –_

I'm trying to think of a better word... and of a question... but really all my thoughts are focussing on your eyes, and what you might want to do to me, and -

"Time's up," you smile.

_I walk backwards pulling you with me, until I get to the staircase. _

_“We’ll continue our game in the bedroom, darling...” I say smugly. “Now... come upstairs with me, so I can do what I like with you...” I purr. _

_Then I start up the stairs, throwing back a smouldering look over my shoulder._

Only sixty seconds? Can’t you just do what you like with me for sixty hours? Sixty years?

But I’ll have to get my own points in to get that gorgeous body out of that suit...

I will never win from you in a game of wits, but how about some old-fashioned rules-lawyering?

“Was that a statement?”

_*Shit*. I was so enamoured with your reaction; I forgot the rules. _

_*I* forgot the rules of a game. _

_*Me*. _

_Jesus Christ, what have you done to me? _

_I keep walking. "Since it was technically two statements, will you be requiring two pieces of clothing?" I say in a lazy voice. _

_I open the door to the bedroom, shedding my jacket and throwing it onto a chair. Then with an arched eyebrow, I point at the bed._

"Shall we pause the game for the duration of the settlement of the score?" I smile.

"But before that, could you take off that shirt?"

_Yes, let's pause... or by the time I'm through with you, sixty seconds will become six hours..._

_*Mmm*. _

_I slowly begin to unbutton my shirt, as you stretch out on the bed, watching me hungrily. _

_"You're not trying to trick the most dangerous man in the world, are you, Tiger?"_

"Do I look like I'm that stupid?"

_I smirk. “Do you really want me to answer that question, honey?” I purr as I climb onto the bed and crawl towards you. I straddle you and tear open your shirt. As buttons go flying, I give you a feral grin._

"I take it that the sixty seconds have begun?" I ask, smiling.

_“Non-sequitur - you didn’t respond to my question directly. Point, and another 60 seconds.”_

_I pull off your shirt, throw it to the floor. Then I grab your wrists, and slam them above your head. _

_*click*_

_One wrist is secured to a set of handcuffs._

Oh -

Can I just completely forfeit the game now? Because there is no way I can think of words when you're looking like that and tearing off my clothes and tying me to the bed.

I look at your eyes, dark and deep and devilish... what have you in store for me?

_“Pause. Third point. Three minutes, Tiger...” _

_I laugh low in my throat as you stare at me, eyes feverish with desire. _

_“Are you throwing the match, Sebbie?” I whisper. Leaving your other hand for the moment, I lean in and slowly lick your throat._

"Hnnng... How about a compromise... You can do with me whatever you like for as long as you like, and in return eventually all the clothes come off?"

_I give you a piercing look. _

_"And who gave *you* permission to suggest a compromise?" I snarl. _

_*click*_

_Prey secured. _

_I stare down at you, feeling my eyes light up. _

_The prey's eyes in turn become saucers, and I laugh with delight._

Does one need permission to suggest a compromise?

Oh, who cares -

I'm chained to a bed and your eyes are lighting up with desire and I gasp involuntarily and I am lost... lost in your eyes, your enchantment, your lust...

_I unfasten your trousers. _

_"I take it you've given up then?" I say in a silky voice._

_With a quick tug and a very eager lift of your hips, trousers and pants are next to go flying. _

_"Fuck - *yes* -" you groan._

_I look down at your now naked body, and lick my lips. My hands caress your shoulders. _

_"in other words... *you* interrupted *my* game for your own agenda?" I snap. _

_My fingernails scrape down along your chest, and you cry out in pain and pleasure. _

_I cluck my tongue sadly. "Oh, Mr Savage Assassin... I'm afraid the Most Dangerous Man in the World has very fixed ideas about acceptable behaviour - especially when it comes to games, and rules, and deciding for *yourself* that something is too challenging..." _

_My hands are caressing the tops of your thighs, and these too are scraped by my nails. I watch blood well up in the grooves I've left in your skin. _

_"Understood, Tiger?" I coo, running my hands along the blood and admiring the pattern._

Oh - _god_ -

"Yes - Sir -" I pant. I hope that's the right answer - because I want this, I _need_ this, for my life to make sense -

please -

I look at you, gasping, eyes large, pleading –

_I dip my head down, and kiss you possessively. _

_"Very good..." I whisper. "But it doesn't erase the transgression."_

_I kiss you again. "We'll have to find another way... would you like that, Sebastian?"_

_"God - please - Sir," you breathe. _

_I hum to myself as I get up and go to the cupboard. From a shelf I fetch something new I've been meaning to try on the right occasion. _

_I return to the bed, running my hands over the implement._

_"Ever heard of the Lochgelly Tawse?" I ask curiously. _

_You shake your head, staring at it - a heavy leather strap split into three tails._

_"Creates a double or triple striking surface. And with a bit of a history - the tawse was used in Scottish public schools, instead of a cane... on the buttocks of naughty schoolboys until 1968 and then used on hands afterwards, for a good long while. Anyway, the *Lochgelly* Tawse was the *very best*, from a supplier in a village by that name. And the producer still makes them for recreational use, isn't that wonderful... I thought three tails, and heavy leather would be best for a mighty Tiger..." _

_I look admiringly at it, fondling the tails. "Such a nice, *stiff, hard* hide... such craftsmanship! I think this will be just the thing for spoiling my little game."_

_I feel my eyes flash with pleasure, and I run it over your chest slowly. _

_"And you were worried things were going to change because I love you..." I tut, and bring the tawse down over your chest, just under your left shoulder, making you breathe in sharply._

_"Silly Tiger..." I chide. _

_I lash on the other side, creating a lovely symmetrical pattern of reddened flesh. _

_"You're *mine*, honey..." I say firmly. "Never forget that..." _

_I continue along your chest, enjoying the sound of your gasps and moans. By the time I make my way down to your thighs, you're crying out._

_"Mmm... such beautiful stripes, Sebastian..." I croon, squeezing your thigh. "Now. What are you?"_

Those words.

_I love you_

From your lips, preceding pain, harsh pain across my chest, making me gasp.

Another line of pain, a fiery thud, and the blissful affirmation _You’re mine, honey._

Yes...

Oh god yes...

That’s what I needed to feel, that cruelty out of possessiveness, the need to _own_; the pain blasting me wide open, letting me fall into that dark space where there is nothing but _you_; you all around me, you inside me, you all over my glowing skin.

It’s what I longed for ever since I met you; to be in that dark realm with my Lord owning me, wanting me...

But there’s one thing I’ve always known I couldn’t have here. But now - I think I just may.

“I’m yours...” I groan. “All yours, always...”

I notice tears have sprung to my eyes. Not from the pain.

“Please - love me. Say you love me - in this place -“

Can you? Do you understand what I mean? Do I, even?

_I stare at you in a daze. _

_*Sebastian*... tears? _

_Good tears, I think... _

_(God, let it be good tears...) _

_I place my hands on either side of your face. _

_"All mine, always..."_

_(say it!) _

_Why is it harder when I'm in true Moriarty mode? _

_(come back, Jimmy... I need to be *both* for my Tiger...)_

_ "And I'm yours. Always..." _

_I lean in and gently kiss your tears. _

_"I love you, Sebastian Moran. And love is a very strange thing for me to feel. I know how to enjoy and take pleasure in things, but not love them. Since my childhood, you're the *only* thing I have loved - the baseline that everything else is compared to - and found wanting..." I say in awe. "So you better mean it... because I can't fucking feel this way and then *lose* it..." I say, my throat tightening and my heart squeezing in my chest... "I can't lose you..."_

You are holding my face and I can feel your hands tremble, which they _never_ do, your hands are as true as mine, and you say I'm yours, and of course, I know that, you know that, and your face looks so strained for a moment and I think I've blown it, but then you say you are mine and -

what -

no -

that's not -

you don't -

but you lean down and kiss me and oh fuck you've seen my tears -

_I love you_

-

I hardly hear the rest of what you say through the noise in my head but I _must_ hear it, it's important -

I can hardly take it in, but I _must_ -

and your words are _stunning_ -

_the only thing I have loved_

_you better mean it_

_can't fucking feel this way and then lose it_

_can't lose you_

...

I'm lying here with the entire front of my body glowing with pain, my wrists shackled to the bed, so utterly and completely _yours_, the way we are used to -

And you are speaking the sweetest words ever spoken in the English language, no, any language, speaking of love after a lifetime of lacking; speaking of _fear_...

this is impossible, you don't fear... never... you jump at danger and draw it in to dance with you...

love... fear of loss... fear of losing _me_... love for _me_...

and I wish I had my arms so I could wrap them around you, but I'll have to make do with my eyes, my voice, if I can find it...

"never-" I croak, barely audible, but you heard.

"Jim. You will never lose me. I will fucking kill death itself if that's what it takes..."

I look you in the eyes, your beautiful deep dark eyes, drawing me in, making me feel like I can see... something... something that was never there but still missed...

"_Jim_..."

_"*Sebastian*..." I whisper, grasping your jaw firmly. "I will *hold* you to that..." _

_Then I kiss you possessively, and you kiss back so eagerly. So beautiful, *so hot*... I nip your lower lip, and press my cock against yours. _

_"My beautiful, deadly weapon..." I utter fondly. "My loyal, devoted soldier... *I love you*, Tiger..." _

_Your eyes are damp and shining. _

_"There are more stripes to give you, but... I have all day to show you you're mine... to make you bleed... to make you scream..." I murmur, enjoying how your eyelids flutter shut. "I was going to fuck you from behind, but now I know I need to see your face as I take you... as I claim you..." _

_I slide open the drawer of the bedside table, and pull out the lube._

_"Open for me," I order, and your thighs part as you stare up at me so hungrily. You lift your knees, and I push your legs up further. I position myself, and slick my cock and your entrance with lube._

_"Mmm. There is *nothing* like a big, beautiful Tiger hungering for me... *dying* for me to bury my cock in his arse..." I purr, and push in slowly... _

_pause... _

_push further... _

_feel your muscles squeeze and adjust..._

_and then push in all the way with a low, rough growl._

You love me. You hurt me and you love me. You own me and you love me. You need me and you love me.

My mind is a whirlwind, my heart has swollen to three times its normal size, my body is glowing with pain and warmth and _heat_, and you're promising more pain, more possession, and it's so natural, so perfect, so mind-blowing, that we can have this; something I'd never considered, never expected - we are men of violence, both damaged beyond repair; we can own the world, but we can never have human emotions, not like _that_.

And somehow - we can. I don't know how it happened; what happened yesterday that made this possible - but it wasn't just yesterday, was it, it was a gradual, slow, imperceptible process, a droplet eating away at a stone drip by drip until the stone was so thin it cracked.

Your eyes blaze as you lean over me, order me to open for you, and I do, so eagerly, my entire body glowing with you; I want to feel you on the inside, filling up my body.

You push into me and I breathe, feel my cock twitch, a moment of resistance, exhale, accommodate, and you push further, and I breathe again, relax my muscles, and you push again, a rhythm so attuned, and then you push all the way in and I groan as you growl, my Dark Lord possessing his Tiger, my Jim making love to his boyfriend; two worlds that couldn't have been further apart merging, melting together, in a dizzy delirium...

_I gaze at you as I pull back and then push forward again. Your eyes darken, and you let out a groan. _

_It's insane to think I didn't want this before - this *connection*. Did I not understand how much more intense it would make fucking... our relationship... *life*?_

_For someone who was so fucking *bored* all the time, it's amazing to think I was shutting out the most intense thing I've ever experienced._

_Love. _

_To me it was a four-letter word. And now - _

_*now*-_

_I'm staring into your eyes like this is a fucking fairy tale, and you're my prince who's rescued me from being locked in a tower, and maybe that's true, OK it *is*, but if I'm a princess then I'm one that Disney could never cook up, not in a million years, a weird hybrid of doe-eyed damsel in distress and beautiful evil villain hell-bent on taking over the world... oh god, you're melting my brain..., *fuck*, you feel good... _

_"*Fuck*, Sebastian," I pant. "Why didn't you tell me love makes sex even hotter??"_

“I’m afraid no one saw fit to tell me either, Sir...” I pant, “but I have to say I fully agree... fuck...”

My head arches back, my eyes close, I groan at the possibly most intense feeling in my life - my love, Jim Moriarty, fucking me and loving me... inconceivable, but occurring.

“Fuck... Sir... you feel so _fucking_ good...” my voice cracks.

I’m in a state of sheer ecstasy, floating on the best high of my life, love, love oh fucking hell love is so fucking intense, _you_, your eyes, the way you look at me, your _voice_, you taking me, tied down as I am - everything combines into an explosive mixture that is pushing me towards the edge of _something_ and I don’t know what will happen when I reach it...

_As I thrust into you, I'm devouring you with my eyes, every inch of you..._

_the way your neck strains when your head falls back against the pillow... _

_the red raised stripes on your skin... _

_the bulging of your muscles as you push back against me..._

_Jesus... you're *so hot*... _

_I start moving faster, pounding into you. My hand closes around your cock, and I begin to stroke._

A shock blasts through me as you touch my cock - I've been so charged -

I groan as you move your hand, your hand which knows me _so_ well, knows me inside out; your hand which has slapped me, caressed me, punched me, brought me to orgasm - your hand which gave me a rose...

"_Jim_..." I groan, barely aware of what I'm saying any more, a vague voice in the back of my head warning me - "_Sir_..." I breathe.

_I remove my hand from your cock, wind my fingers through your hair and yank back, making you gasp. _

_"Careful, honey..." I warn. _

_Your eyes grow deliciously dark and you groan as I thrust into you hard. _

_Then I kiss you heatedly. _

_"God... *Sebastian*," I moan. _

_My fingers grasp your cock again, pulling on it. _

_"I'm going to come - very soon -" I pant. "And leading up to it - you'll have three strokes to come... otherwise - Better luck next time..." I whisper. _

_You groan and I pull on your cock sharply. _

_"Ready... steady..."_

_I start slamming harder, making the headboard pound against the wall and the handcuffs clank. _

_"Three - " I stroke your cock firmly. _

_The box spring squeaks relentlessly. Time to get a new one, I remind myself. _

_"Two-" I gasp, stroking again. _

_You're groaning loudly, eyes closed, pushing back against me desperately. _

_"Open those beautiful eyes, lover," I growl, then smile at you ferally as you do. _

_Oh - god - _

_We stare at each other feverishly as we move against each other._

_My cock twitches, and I feel myself begin to tremble all over. _

_"Onnne-" I moan, stroking hard, and letting go into shivering ecstasy._

My insubordination is delightfully reprimanded, and it makes me sink even deeper into this underworld of dark bliss, surrendering fully to you, being blessed by you kissing me alive.

Your voice penetrating the darkness, giving me a torturous ultimatum - I’m floating so deeply in this velvet ecstasy, I’m not sure if I can surface enough to come, but the alternative - you leaving me without an orgasm - is unthinkable -

You have me in your hand, stroking me like only you know how to, your firm voice counting down to deadline, and order me to open my eyes –

_lover_ -

That smile, that says you own me, completely, every part of me, including my heart now, and those eyes, that I never saw before yesterday, showing me the desperate intensity of what it means to be loved by you -

And my entire body spasms as, almost unexpectedly, my pleasure concentrates and pushes its way into your hand as you push into me and the world contracts to a pinpoint and explodes into a new universe, and I am torn into a myriad tiny fragments by an ecstasy too intense to survive –

_As your orgasm begins, my body jerks and I shudder against you violently. Now as you’re moaning frantically and pushing against me, coming into my hand, I release into you, groaning with the sheer unadulterated *pleasure* of it. _

_There’s something about you coming at the same time as me; it makes it so much more intense... I never would have cared before._

_Or I *thought* I didn’t care. _

_It’s no longer about physical release like it used to be... or the headiness of domination and control... or even pleasure, although this has got more intense... _

_Now I’m feeling completely swept up in the ecstasy of having had this experience with you. *With* you. So very strange... _

_As I lie on you panting, my muscles shaking against yours, I raise my head to look at you. Still inside you, and not even thinking about taking a shower, I take your jaw in my non-sticky hand and lift your face towards mine into a blistering kiss. _

_God... how is this still hot *after* we’ve both come? _

_I stare at you for a moment in disbelief, before pulling out with a groan. I clean my hand with a tissue then move up to uncuff you. _

_“None of this makes sense, Sebastian...” I murmur, as I rub your wrists. ”Have we both just gone mad? *More* mad?” I press kisses into the lines on your skin from the metal._

Somewhere at the edge of my consciousness is a kiss... a kiss that demands that I return and return it, but I am one with the universe, have probably died and gone to heaven, and I'm not sure if I can gather myself back into one semi-coherent whole.

But not responding to a kiss from Jim Moriarty is unthinkable. So the irresistible force pulls back the immovable object, and I open my eyes, to see you stare at me with your eyes large, like you can't quite believe what just happened, pull out and release me, rubbing my wrists and kissing them so sweetly where the metal bit into my skin.

"I don't know, Jim..." I blink. "This can't be - other people can't experience this like _this_, can they? I mean - I know people make a lot of fuss about love, but if it was _this_ intense, wouldn't they - I don't know - I couldn't now go on a mission with my mates and joke about how the Mr and I had a great weekend, you know? It feels like - just too large to conceive -"

I'm babbling. Well at least I'm coherent enough to speak.

_“Yes...” I say slowly. “Imagine them not having their relationship as their main priority in life... or *cheating*... or getting divorced...” I shake my head at how inconceivable these things are to me now. And then I realize what I said._

_*Divorced??*_

_“Ehm...” I snigger. “I mean, we’re not even-“_

_Oh fuck. I think I’m blushing... *stop it*, Jimmy. _

_“You know what I mean,” I giggle helplessly behind my hand._

You are _blushing_.

Oh. my. god. Jim Moriarty is _blushing_. And _giggling_.

Yeah, I definitely have disintegrated into the universe and have been reassembled in another dimension. One where Jim Moriarty, the most lethal creature in the world, blushes and giggles.

And, apparently, Sebastian Moran, the second most lethal, does as well. It must be the endorphins or something.

I giggle, look at you, your face all scrunched up and your smile so huge and little _wrinkles_ in your nose and a slight _flush_ on your cheeks and you are just too cute...

I fall over, having trouble catching breath; I'm giggling like a fourteen-year-old.

_“Now stop it, Tiger... this behaviour is unseemly for proper criminals...” I say severely, as a smile plays on my lips. _

_You clear your throat. “Quite right, Mr Moriarty...” you mumble and make an attempt at a scowl. _

_“Let’s be *deadly serious*,” you growl. “How are you enjoying our date?”_

_I burst out laughing, and then remember - good lord. We’re still on our *date*._

_I cough delicately. “Well, Mr Moran. I’d say you made a favourable impression,” I say in a bored, lazy voice - *classic* Moriarty. “You will live to see another day. *And* be my boyfriend. Do you accept?” _

_I hold out my hand, remembering when you first came to be employed by me - and accepted my proposition, despite everything you’d heard about me. _

_“Well, Tiger?” I purr. You take my hand, turn it over in yours and sensually kiss my fingertips._

_“God... yes...” you murmur, pressing my hand against your cheek. _

_I shiver. Mmm... languorously I lay back against the pillows and open my arms. “Come here, Sebbie...” I whisper._

_My boyfriend._

_Do you accept_

I'm not sure what is throwing me more, the fact that Jim Moriarty calls me his _boyfriend_ \- such a childish term but _so. incredibly. endearing and precious_ \- or the fact that you actually ask me if I accept.

Even when we started out you didn’t _ask_ \- you lay the option of sex on the table, made it very clear that it wouldn't be sweet - and I jumped in with all four limbs.

I'm oddly moved by this.

I slide into your arms - _welcoming, open arms!_ \- and nuzzle into your neck.

"You're the most beautiful boyfriend imaginable..." I purr.

_"Mmm. I am, aren't I..." I purr back as your face rubs against my neck. _

_You raise your head to smile at me. I gaze into your crystalline blue eyes, awe-struck by the adoration I see glowing from the clear cerulean depths... _

_"You're not so bad yourself, boyfriend..." I wink._

"I realize that this is terribly forward of me," I smile, "this being our first date and all, but your bed is so very large and comfortable... do you think I could perhaps spend the night? Make you breakfast in the morning... If you tell me how you like your eggs..."

_I feign surprise even as my fingers lightly caress your shoulder. _

_"Spend the night? What a funny little request..." I say lightly. My hand continues down your arm. _

_"What's truly amusing is that you think you have a choice..." I smile, staring at your forearms and tracing the scars before my fingers reach your wrist and curl around it. _

_"Remember, Mr Savage Assassin... you entered my lair, and now you're *mine* to do with as I like. So *I* say when you leave..." I say in a soft dangerous purr. I lift your hand languorously and kiss your palm. _

_"How does *never* sound to you, Sebbie...?" I whisper against your skin. _

_My breath catches in my throat when your eyes lock on mine._

You.

You are - perfect.

Moriarty, the genius, the killer, the mastermind, the man who made me his.

Jim, the sweet funny romantic guy who wants to go on dates and have a boyfriend.

In one breath. Effortlessly combined into everything I never knew I wanted until now.

"Sounds absolutely dreamy, my love..."

The word floats between us, touches you like a caress, and you smile at me, lighting up the world.

_"*Doesn't* it," I murmur, and turn your hand over in mine. I interlace our fingers, beaming at you._

_"Then... it's done. The most dangerous man alive is your boyfriend. And he's keeping you captive. What do you do now, my savage assassin?" I ask in a low seductive purr._

"Hmmm..." I move your hand to my lips, kiss it.

"I think I'll accompany the most dangerous man alive to his shower and let him boil me while I gently wash his entire body with a soft sponge and that expensive body wash he likes... then I will get an Egyptian cotton towel and towel him dry... and then, when he's all soft and warm and drowsy, I'll lay him down in his comfortable bed, and switch off the lights, and bend over him and kiss him goodnight.

And that will make me so - incredibly - happy.

And then, maybe he will lay his head on my shoulder, and let me hold him as we fall asleep...

and when he wakes up, he may feel all sweet and cuddly, and I may make him breakfast in bed, with a single rose in a vase, and we will lie and snuggle and munch in the morning sunshine, and I'll wash the sheets afterwards to get rid of the crumbs...

or he may feel horny, and slap my face, throw me over, and pound me into the mattress...

or maybe both..."

_I pretend to contemplate this seriously. “I’ve considered your proposal for the next steps in our relationship, Mr Moran. And I’ll allow it. *Of course* it is my prerogative to do as I like - whether it's to slap your face, or throw you over furniture, or pound you into the mattress, or... anything I choose, really. But I do like your ideas - *very much*," I croon, and cuddle up to you. "I'm sure we can squeeze in some lying around snuggling and munching, as well.." I say lazily. "Now... I believe you said something about a luxurious bathing..."_

Not much later, I am lying in a warm bed with the head of James Moriarty on my shoulder, his deep even breaths in my neck, his hand curled up on my chest, my arm protectively around his back.

And I know that this is it. All my life, I have been fighting; and all my life, I have felt out of place, wherever I was. It’s only with you that I felt like I belonged; and I was determined to stay - dug myself in tooth and nail to make myself indispensable to you; make sure you couldn’t afford to get rid of me.

And it was a wild ride - death, sex, violence, adrenaline. I’d have died for you, without a thought.

But being able to be with you not only when we’re shooting or fucking, but to hold you when you sleep, feeling not just my cock but my heart swell when I look at you, is completely unexpected.

And it turns out that this is the one thing I had been searching for all these years.

With a shock I realize that, for the first time in my adult life, I am happy.

_When I wake up, I'm curled up against your warm body, with my head on your shoulder - and for a confusing moment I have no idea why, or what has transpired between us. I just think *what??* and just as seething indignation rears its venomous spitting head, it comes back to me - *love*._

_Love, warm and comforting, at first..._

_and then fiery and molten - like lava streaming through my veins, burning away everything that came before..._

_Love... *terrifying*. A chemical explosion that burns down the lab, and then keeps spreading..._

_until one's whole world is on fire, and suddenly your whole notion of your self and Life is burnt to a crisp..._

_and you're left in the ashes, shaking and wondering *how did this happen!* and *what the fuck now??*_

_Poets and valentine's day cards never mention *that*._

_But all these thoughts are pushed aside when my eyes open and I see oceans of blue staring back at me._

_Looking so happy... I'd never seen you happy before - it was like a point of pride before to get under your skin, and make you angry or upset. Like only I could affect this terrifying killer, this tough-as-nails soldier..._

_I was such a fool._

_But Love has changed me._

_*Me*._

_Jim Moriarty..._

_The most dangerous man alive. The most powerful criminal mastermind the world has ever seen._

_And most importantly, the One who tamed this Savage Assassin - the One who owns him, loves him, and can make him smile like a kid on Christmas morning just by waking up._

_I smile back at you. "Oh! You're that Tiger I love," I murmur sleepily._

_"I am that Tiger who loves you madly," you murmur back, pressing kisses along my neck._

_"I was promised breakfast, darling," I say archly, but I'm grinning. My hands slide along your warm back as you lean over me with hunger in your eyes._

_"Oh, you'll get breakfast... *after*," you growl, and I laugh._

_In the past, I would have had words with you for taking such liberties. Now, the thought of what comes next is *intoxicating*..._

_"Mmm. I appear to have woken up to a brave new world..." I purr. "Fancy exploring the realm, Sebastian...?"_

_Your delighted feral grin is all the answer I need. My eyelids flutter closed as your arms pull me against you, and your lips claim mine._

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist:  
  
Beautiful Stranger - Madonna  
Die Another Day - Madonna  
She's Acting Single (I'm Drinking Doubles) - Gary Stewart  
Rid of Me - PJ Harvey  
Walking on a Wire - Richard and Linda Thompson  
Jealous - Beyoncé  
Tainted Love - Soft Cell  
I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett  
Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran  
I Was Made for Lovin' You - KISS  
Take It like a Man - Dragonette  
Please Return It - The Posies  
Shrink - The Gathering  
I Want It All - Kosheen  
Phonography - Britney Spears  
Heaven On Earth - Britney Spears  
Mr. Brightside - The Killers  
Stubborn Love - Lumineers  
Your Silent Face - New Order  
Running - IAMX  
I Hate U - Simon Curtis  
Helter Skelter - Rob Zombie & Marilyn Manson  
Machine Gun - Portishead  
High & Dry - Kosheen  
Move Like U Stole It - ZZ Ward  
Into the Groove - Madonna  
Irresistible - Fall Out Boy  
Every Breath You Take - The Police  
The Bomb - Pigeon John  
Torn - Ednaswap  
Wrecking Ball - Dustin Kensrue  
Toxic - 2WEI  
Cover - Kosheen  
Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men  
Crown on the Ground - Sleigh Bells  
Sunday Morning - Velvet Underground  
Something In the Way You Move - Ellie Goulding  
The Dark 2: Return to the Dark - Simon Curtis  
On My Way - Lea Michele  
Don't Mess With Me - Temposhark  
Bulletproof Cupid - Placebo  
Pushing Me Away - Linkin Park  
It Ain't Me - Kygo with Selena Gomez  
Nicotine - Panic! at the Disco  
Gay Bar - Electric Six  
Closer - Nine Inch Nails  
Denis - Blondie  
Criminal - Britney Spears  
Let's Have a Party - Chris Isaak  
Poker Face - Lady Gaga  
Radar - Britney Spears  
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand  
Let's Kill Tonight - Panic! at the Disco  
Fillip - Muse  
Showbiz - Muse  
Risingson - Massive Attack  
Teardrop - Massive Attack  
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes  
Criminal - Fiona Apple  
Cream - Prince  
Arriving Somewhere but Not Here - Porcupine Tree  
Feeling Good - Nina Simone  
Die for You - Starset  
I Miss You - Blink-182  
Love You Inside Out - Bee Gees  
Shake It Out - Florence and the Machine  
Love Somebody - Maroon 5  
Dirty Mind - Halestorm  
Moran's Return - Rapalje  
Standing Alone - In This Moment  
Peeping Tom - Placebo  
One More Chance - Pet Shop Boys


End file.
